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1. How do you differentiate between love and lust?
Well, in my world lust is a physical, animal attraction to another person, and love? It isn't lust, but can include lust.
I have a difficult time defining love. It changes depending on the needs of the relationship. What I might define as love today may not be my definition tomorrow. What's even more interesting is that, as I've gotten older, my definition of lust has remained consistent, but my definition of love has grown and changed.
2. You are happily married, engaged, or committed in a relationship, yet you have a hot sexy dream about someone you have always wanted to do it with. Have you cheated at least in your mind?
Pffttt! Really? Let's be honest here, "cheating in your mind" is what I generally call fantasizing and is a normal, healthy aspect of emotional maturity.
3. Do you trust your significant other?
I hesitated when answering this. Do I trust him to love me unconditionally? To remain by my side during the good times and the bad times? To support me emotionally when I need him most? No ... I don't ...
Do I trust him to remain physically and emotionally committed to our marriage? Honestly (this is TMI Tuesday, right?) I don't really care. I wouldn't be crushed if he cheated, in fact, it would be one of those black/white boundaries that I've been waiting for him to cross.
4. How important is your Husband or Wife wearing their Wedding bands? Is it important to you and why?
Let me start by saying that when husband and I got married, he told me he would NEVER wear a wedding band. I decided I wanted to wear one because having a physical symbol of our commitment was important to me. I wore my wedding band for the first year of our marriage until it became clear my commitment was far different than husbands commitment.
It *is* important to me that there is some physical symbol shared between two people in a committed relationship. Does that need to be a ring? No, in fact it doesn't even have to be the same thing for the each of the two people. One might wear a ring while the other wore a necklace. Archaic and old-fashioned? Absolutely!
5. Do you feel that flirting is OK if you are taken?
I think that flirting, within boundaries that are comfortable for your significant other, is not only OK, but healthy.
Bonus (as in optional):If you were 100% guaranteed not to get caught having a one night stand with someone else, would you?
It's been over seven months since I've had sex. I miss sex, but what I crave is intimacy. A one night stand would only increase my desire for intimacy that much more, so no ... I wouldn't.
Well, in my world lust is a physical, animal attraction to another person, and love? It isn't lust, but can include lust.
I have a difficult time defining love. It changes depending on the needs of the relationship. What I might define as love today may not be my definition tomorrow. What's even more interesting is that, as I've gotten older, my definition of lust has remained consistent, but my definition of love has grown and changed.
2. You are happily married, engaged, or committed in a relationship, yet you have a hot sexy dream about someone you have always wanted to do it with. Have you cheated at least in your mind?
Pffttt! Really? Let's be honest here, "cheating in your mind" is what I generally call fantasizing and is a normal, healthy aspect of emotional maturity.
3. Do you trust your significant other?
I hesitated when answering this. Do I trust him to love me unconditionally? To remain by my side during the good times and the bad times? To support me emotionally when I need him most? No ... I don't ...
Do I trust him to remain physically and emotionally committed to our marriage? Honestly (this is TMI Tuesday, right?) I don't really care. I wouldn't be crushed if he cheated, in fact, it would be one of those black/white boundaries that I've been waiting for him to cross.
4. How important is your Husband or Wife wearing their Wedding bands? Is it important to you and why?
Let me start by saying that when husband and I got married, he told me he would NEVER wear a wedding band. I decided I wanted to wear one because having a physical symbol of our commitment was important to me. I wore my wedding band for the first year of our marriage until it became clear my commitment was far different than husbands commitment.
It *is* important to me that there is some physical symbol shared between two people in a committed relationship. Does that need to be a ring? No, in fact it doesn't even have to be the same thing for the each of the two people. One might wear a ring while the other wore a necklace. Archaic and old-fashioned? Absolutely!
5. Do you feel that flirting is OK if you are taken?
I think that flirting, within boundaries that are comfortable for your significant other, is not only OK, but healthy.
Bonus (as in optional):If you were 100% guaranteed not to get caught having a one night stand with someone else, would you?
It's been over seven months since I've had sex. I miss sex, but what I crave is intimacy. A one night stand would only increase my desire for intimacy that much more, so no ... I wouldn't.
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18 comments:
I wouldn't be crushed if he cheated, in fact, it would be one of those black/white boundaries that I've been waiting for him to cross.
Why is that? Would that ease your conscience as far as leaving him, and getting a divorce? Isn't that more than a bit passive agressive? Cheers!!
I think you are spot on with your answers to 1 2 and 4 (well they would be my answers).
Happy TMI...
Good Answers!
Matt-Man, a bit passive-aggressive? No, it's over-the-top passive aggressive! Not one of my more endearing qualities, but one that I haven't decided to let go of quite yet.
I'm also just a bit stuck, if you want to call it that, on this notion that marriage is difficult and there are but a small handful of "acceptable" reasons to break that commitment to one another.
Professor Fate, well, if they would have been your answers they are definitely the "right" answers, yes?!
Joker_SATX, thanks!
Dana: Ha. I know. And I have been so as well in my past (and still have flare ups) and was married to a person who was way over the top with that affliction as well. Cheers!!
I thought your answers today were excellent. I agreed with every one of them and appreciate your openness
Smart answer to your bonus question...intimacy is the key. Sorry that you're on no man's island, so to speak.
I find the answer to #3 very interesting. Isn't cheating the final boundary for him to cross at this point? Hasn't he crossed all the rest of them? ;-)
Yep, those one-nighters, when what you really want is a connection, just leave you feeling icky inside.
It's the rare person who isn't even just a *little* bit passive-aggressive.
I understand your #3, but for different reasons (long story). And #4, I totally agree. When the Evil Twin got too heavy to wear his ring, I insisted it be resized. That was my 15th anniversary present to myself. He finally has his wedding band back and can wear it! :-)
It's a good thing I don't do things. I would sound like a complete insecure, psycho woman from hell.
My husband (before we got married) said he didn't wear jewelry. I said, "find, I won't wear a wedding band either". He did NOT like that answer. So, we both where one.
Do I trust my significant other? There is not a human on this earth that I trust 100%. No family members, no friends, not one person. Having said that, I don't trust ME 100% either. That's why I don't get in to situations that could tempt me, and I don't want my husband putting himself in those situations either.
The love and lust one? Love with lust is the ultimate satisfaction, but the difference between the two, for me, lust is wanting to "F&CK" someone, or to be "F*CKED" and not having any feelings for them at all. But they sex is DAMN good!
its not me its you - I opened up to the same ol' page - you sit at that traffic light thinking that there is going to be some other color thats going to pop up -
Matt-Man, as we both know, sometimes the things that irritate us most about someone else are the qualities we've seen in ourselves - and despise!
Bond, you know, in the long run, taking heat for putting myself out there is a small price to pay for being genuine - or genuinely screwed up - one or the other!
Nolens Volens, I may need to learn some lessons, but there are a few that I've managed to get under my belt. The difference between intimacy and sex is one that I learned ... the hard way ...
Jay, you know me ... always willing to give a second (or third ... or fourth ...) chance when I can weasel out some gray in any boundary. It's my jellyfish side!
Biscuit, I have to admit that I am more than a wee bit passive-aggressive when it comes to romantic relationships, primarily due to a lack of self-confidence and self-worth.
Evil Twin's Wife, I didn't realize how important it was to me that husband display a physical symbol of our commitment until he refused.
Bina, trust is a difficult one for me as well, but that emotional trust is so very important, and such a difficult thing to regain once it's been broken.
doggybloggy, it appears you've opened the wrong cookbook ... again. I keep telling you that if you are coming here hoping to find a new delicacy you'd be served better looking elsewhere. I've got nothing for you other than the macaroni & cheese I've served up every day for the past two years.
well at least YOU know the menu
I think I could give up sex much sooner than I could physical intimacy. I *crave* intimacy when I don't have it. Totally hear you on that one.
I wouldn't be crushed if he cheated, in fact, it would be one of those black/white boundaries that I've been waiting for him to cross.
You've worded your answers so wonderfully, when I read this, I completely understood it.
Em.xx
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