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I need some unbiased opinions (some of you will need to work with me on that one) on a situation that occurred this morning. What I'm looking for is some kind of idea if what I believe to be an unreasonable reaction is - indeed - unreasonable. First, a little bit of background ...
There has always been an issue in our home surrounding how early I set my alarm (4:15AM). In reality, I do not need to get up until 5:15AM - I could get up at that time, do my morning chores - get myself ready and still get out the door on time. Husband doesn't need to wake up until 5:30AM.
Now, the reason I get up so early is so that I have an hour to watch the news, check my email, read blogs and update mine. It's certainly not necessary, but I enjoy that hour of quiet time, sipping my coffee all alone. The problem? Sometimes (usually not more than once/week) I hit the snooze when the alarm sounds at 4:15. This wakes husband up and he is not able to get his last hour of sleep.
This morning I hit the snooze. When the alarm sounded again at 4:24, husband yelled, "Dana, you [insert really nasty, multiple word, expletive], get out of the f*&%ing bed!" It went downhill from there. As I was leaving the room I said (didn't yell - I swear), "All of the things I do for you and you want to bitch about the alarm clock." Now, just what is it I do for him (thanks Fairy Flutters for this idea)?
This is not the first time he has made his disdain for my 4:15 rising time known. This has come up frequently in the 5 years we have been together, but has never resulted in the reaction that occurred this morning. In addition to the initial name calling, I was told how "sick and tired" he is of my obsessive compulsive need to get up and watch TV and surf the internet at ungodly hours, that he didn't want me to do anything for him anymore because I think it gives me a right to hold it over his head (I never complain), that I could not speak my mind on the subject (he's not spoken to me since the degrading name calling), that I was to leave him alone, and he even "withheld" my morning goodbye kiss (When I asked for a kiss as I was walking out the door he shook his head no).
I understand that he wants to optimize his sleeping time, but what about what works for me? What makes me happy? Was his reaction over the top or should I abide by his sleeping schedule and apologize? I know some of you cannot believe I am asking these questions, but my reality seems have gotten so skewed that I really cannot seem to grasp what is reasonable and what isn't, and trust me, I will be told I am wrong in this situation.
I need some unbiased opinions (some of you will need to work with me on that one) on a situation that occurred this morning. What I'm looking for is some kind of idea if what I believe to be an unreasonable reaction is - indeed - unreasonable. First, a little bit of background ...
There has always been an issue in our home surrounding how early I set my alarm (4:15AM). In reality, I do not need to get up until 5:15AM - I could get up at that time, do my morning chores - get myself ready and still get out the door on time. Husband doesn't need to wake up until 5:30AM.
Now, the reason I get up so early is so that I have an hour to watch the news, check my email, read blogs and update mine. It's certainly not necessary, but I enjoy that hour of quiet time, sipping my coffee all alone. The problem? Sometimes (usually not more than once/week) I hit the snooze when the alarm sounds at 4:15. This wakes husband up and he is not able to get his last hour of sleep.
This morning I hit the snooze. When the alarm sounded again at 4:24, husband yelled, "Dana, you [insert really nasty, multiple word, expletive], get out of the f*&%ing bed!" It went downhill from there. As I was leaving the room I said (didn't yell - I swear), "All of the things I do for you and you want to bitch about the alarm clock." Now, just what is it I do for him (thanks Fairy Flutters for this idea)?
- Each morning I wake him up at 5:30. I give him a short back rub and whisper, "Good Morning." I also leave a glass of water and his daily medication on the bedside table.
- When he gets in the shower at 6:00, I make the bed and place a cup of coffee on the bedside table for him to drink when he gets out of the shower.
- I make dinner and clean the kitchen every week night (and most weekends).
- I do all of the grocery shopping, including unloading the groceries from the car and putting them all away.
- I do all of the laundry, including picking up his dirty clothes, folding his clean clothes and putting his clean clothes away.
- I take his work clothes to the cleaners once/week and pick them up, hanging them in his closet.
- I clean the house - vacuum, dust, bathrooms, floors - once each week.
- I clean the cat litter box and feed the cats daily.
- I handle all banking responsibilities, from paying bills to making deposits.
- I make the morning phone call to Cam to make sure he is out of bed and ready to catch the bus.
- I supervise Cam's homework daily.
- I make all phone calls for husband's appointments (hair cut, dentist, etc.).
- I keep the family calendar updated with all family obligations, including those of my step-daughter and step-son.
- I take out the trash and any yard waste (grass clippings etc.) each week, bringing the trash receptacles back in at the end of the day.
- AND I work a full-time job, am PTO President and go to the gym at least 3x/week.
This is not the first time he has made his disdain for my 4:15 rising time known. This has come up frequently in the 5 years we have been together, but has never resulted in the reaction that occurred this morning. In addition to the initial name calling, I was told how "sick and tired" he is of my obsessive compulsive need to get up and watch TV and surf the internet at ungodly hours, that he didn't want me to do anything for him anymore because I think it gives me a right to hold it over his head (I never complain), that I could not speak my mind on the subject (he's not spoken to me since the degrading name calling), that I was to leave him alone, and he even "withheld" my morning goodbye kiss (When I asked for a kiss as I was walking out the door he shook his head no).
I understand that he wants to optimize his sleeping time, but what about what works for me? What makes me happy? Was his reaction over the top or should I abide by his sleeping schedule and apologize? I know some of you cannot believe I am asking these questions, but my reality seems have gotten so skewed that I really cannot seem to grasp what is reasonable and what isn't, and trust me, I will be told I am wrong in this situation.
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49 comments:
Damn, Dana! You do all that shit for this vile man???
Well, my opinion on it might not be what you want to hear but I would leave him. He's an ass. My husband certainly has his own faults but he's never put me down quite like that. These bouts of rage are a bit insane I think.
I cannot for the life of me figure out why an intelligent, strong, hard-working woman with lots of friends and a teenage son who obviously she is very close to, would stay married to someone like this. It boggles my mind.
It's not like you *have* to stay with him. You have options! Take 'em!
I think I'd rather live out of my car and bathe at the gym than be treated like that by someone who is supposed to love me.
If you do all that shit w/o complaint on top of everything else you do, you are a CATCH! Seriously.
FF, when I ask for opinions, I expect you to speak your mind! As far as why I stay? Two-fold really.
(1) I made a commitment. One of my (many) faults is that I am sometimes loyal beyond reason, and
(2) I so desperately want (need?) his approval. I want to be told I am lovable - that I am a good wife - that his life is better with me in it than it is without me in it. I crave that validation, most likely because he is not capable of giving it.
... and yes, I do it without complaint and yes, I realize how absolutely insane that makes me sound ...
None of my buisness, but you ask.....
Why not write that list on a piece of paper, show it to him when he is calm and ask him to please never ever, ever F#%king talk to me like that again.
I'm the type of person that is really really pissy in the morning and I can't ever imagine behaving the way he did but maybe you can make some sort of compromise to please you both. I know another blogger wakes before the crack of dawn (about the time I'm falling asleep) and to avoid waking her husband she keeps her cell phone on vibrate under her pillow. I thought it was a sweet idea.
I know about the commitment and loyalty and dealing with the intermittent rages.
Is it just about the alarm--or losing the sleep.
Could it be about you having a 'separate' life--that's what the alarm clock symbolizes. Does he fear that in some way ? If you were getting up early to do family chores instead would he be the same way?
First--he must apologize for the language. There's no excuse.
Then I suggest finding a different way to wake up-----set your phone on vibrate and tuck it in your pillow? I don't know what but it might answer the question.
*hug*
So you can do an experiment
Micky, I have no doubt that action would be construed as holding things over his head - doing things just so that I can "complain" about them later.
Knight, so you are of the opinion that his reaction was ... hmmm ... expected (?) and that a compromise on my part is in order?
No I think he was acting like a child but you can fight about it or you can find a way to move past it.
You could also try sleeping in separate rooms.
Turn, he claims it's about losing sleep - I believe it is also about control. This has always been a sore spot for him and it is one of the few things I have really dug my heels in on.
Knight, got it!
I understand being grouchy in the morning. I am NOT a morning person and I don't like to get up any earlier than I have to. However, there is no excuse for that name calling. If you have a system, a routine, then he has no right to snap at you.
Tell him if he doesn't like you alarm clock he can go sleep elsewhere. What a jackass.
Dear Dana, tell your husband that I want to trade wifes with him. You would be a great trade. I don't know what to say in total on your quest for advice on this issue.
Was this a rare occurrence? Or is this his common way of treating you?
Regardless, your situation cannot continue the pattern it seems to be following.
I hope you find the answer that best benefits you and Cam.
Okay, this is going to be short and sweet.
For all the things you do for him, your family and within the house, he can`t make an alloance for you getting up early to spend some "alone" time to do the things you want without interuptions? So what if you doze back off to sleep once in a while after the alarm has gone off.! there is no need for him to sound off and swear at you. Question for you, how many times has he gone to bed late and woke you up and did you moan at all? I bet not.
Sorry but your hubby is a bit of a Richard Head to treat you like that.
thats my penny worth
OS, sorry for any spelling mistakes, i forgot to spell check :(
Dana first .. I am sorry your DH thought it was okay to speak to you that way.
Before reading comments what popped in my head is just what Knight suggested. Separate bedrooms. That is what we do here, though for many reason, one main .. dh gets home and in bed by 3 am. I have to get up at 6 to get DS out the door. So just a thought .. just an idea.
But maybe what others have suggested, it is not about the alarm waking him, but some other deep down issue. Have you tried discussing this? Though I am not left with the impression that is not an option.
Lastly .. I am sorry.
Dana,
I'm the last person to tell anyone to "up and leave." The best I can do on this is to have you ask yourself if you're in a position to do so. If you have alternatives, such as money of your own and/or extended family that could help you out, then it might do you well to take the thinking a step or two farther down the line. I'd recommend seeking out some other women who HAVE done it. Be pragmatic above all else. I think the situation you described a week or two ago is leading you in that direction. I know it's tough trying to make a choice, but it's a lot tougher when you think you haven't any choices.
I was going to suggest the cell phone thing, if only as a means of keeping peace.
NOTHING gives him the right to speak to you as if you are less of a person than him, but as a person who formerly had MAJOR sleep issues, I can relate to the irritation of multiple wake-ups. You would know if that was the problem, though.
The man treats you like an employee. Let him make his own appointments, for crying out loud!
Ok, as a self-proclaimed NOT A MORNING PERSON, my first thought was "Holy Shit!!! 4:15!!!! AM!!!" But, if that is what you like and can do, then it is your perrogative to wake up whenever you feel like. Apple Hubby wakes up at 5:45 most days so that he can get ready and take Chile #1 to school. Most of the time I don't even hear the alarm anymore. If I do, I just roll over and go back to sleep. I only get annoyed when he tries to wake me with Mr Good Morning. Yes, sleep IS more important to me.
Anyway, (brace yourself, this is going to be harsh) you need to stop looking for his love and approval because you are never going to get it. NOT because you don't deserve it...because HE IS AN ASS and doesn't deserve you!!!
I think the time has come to get off the fence. I know it's scary but this is going too far. When I read the list of all that you do for him, I couldn't believe it. He has used and abused you for far too long. There are lots of people who love you & will support you in this. Please love & believe in yourself enough to do it.
Love ya babe!
Karen, it will be me who sleeps elsewhere ...
Doomed, it's a common way of treating me when he is upset (this level occurs maybe once every 2 months or so). I've known the answer for quite some time - I just haven't acted on it.
Mike, my guess is he feels I don't respect his right to sleep - that I am putting my needs/desires ahead of his - which in reality is true in this particular case.
Baseball Mom, I wish this were the only issue. Unfortunately, I believe this has far more to do with other bigger issues. We've been in family counseling since January and it seems to be less about making this work than it is about bringing it to an end.
Volly, I do have alternatives and it really is time to explore those. It just makes me very, very sad ...
Biscuit, I'm not sure there is any peace left to keep.
I think he is in need of a swift kick to the boy parts.
Anyway, I would tell him to grow up.
long time lurker......but i just...had to add my 2 cents.
i can relate to this. in many ways.
i'll start by saying....what the hell do i know? and then say....
i don't think it has much to do about the alarm clock.
you said it's you putting your needs first....and you know what?? you are allowed to do that. marriage is a two sided compromise....is it not?
and lastly...
i think you look deeper into him feeling you have something...you keep from him. even the most oblivious....really aren't. distance between spouses can't be hidden. many have their own spaces here......that their spouse stays out of due to respect. and in return they respect the boundaries of that spouse.(that wasn't me...i learned the hard way i guess...)
it's not that you can't have your own 'stuff'.
it's more about....expecting your partner to respect the things you really need to yourself.
no?
i could continue babbling.
but i think i've babbled quite enough.
please remember.... i fully fall under the....what the hell do i know category.
i know only what i've read here.
i wish you luck, and a peaceful resolution.
(oh and...make no mistake i am NOT excusing the name calling and behavior on his part....if i am at all a little right - well then - it's HIS responsibility to say....excuse me, but i feel you distant from me. and that makes me upset.)
I know I can empathize with you - when I had a job that was 31 miles away and I discovered that it was far easier for me to be there an hour before my job starts, I had the nasty tendency to snooze my alarm (it would go off at 4:30 am) and that irritated the hell out of my wife. You have to TELL yourself how much you want to get up at that time or not.
Also, I'd like to point something out to you from your own "About Me" and you'll have to excuse my bluntness here - "40-something woman who has lost herself in the process of meeting the expectations others have of a wife and mother." Why did I bring that up? You ran a LONG list of things you do for him every day and I'm telling you...stop doing those things for him. My wife does her laundry and I do mine. She makes her own calls for appointments and I make my own calls. You get the idea. Let it all go and see how he "functions" on his own without your assistance and maybe you'll be able to get up at a more reasonable time. :)
Way over reacted! two words...get out. okay, three...get out now. It sucks like no other to get out but the end result is getting "you" back!
At first I was gonna side with him but after your list I'm gonna have to say that maybe he should buy some ear plugs and count his frickin blessings.
The Trailer Of Love
Did he over react? Yes. Does he have the right to be pissed if his sleep is disturbed? Yes. I do the same thing as you, get up an hour early and it's 1 1/2 hours before my hubby has to get up. I try and get up as soon as the alarm goes off so as not to disturb but it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes I don't even hear the alarm and hubby nudges me awake. I love my sleep and protect it but would NEVER ever yell at a curse at my hubby, nor he me about sleep. We would discuss it rationally. Do you have a spare room?
wooooow. I am another lurker, there is something about this post, or maybe sensing you might finally be growing weary of that fence poking you in the butt that finally makes me want to comment. I hope you do not mind. Yes he over reacted and yes he needs boundaries big time. You appear to do an awful lot for him and I have to wonder if you and your son get anything in return? What is it about him that makes you want his approval so desperately, or is it just that you seek approval in general from anyone no matter how badly they treat you? If the latter is the case, you have obviously found a loving and inviting forum for positive feedback here on your blog & you have enough love and support to do w/o his abuse.
I disagree in a sense with SN because I do not see any respect for boundaries being respected in what you have allowed us to see about your relationship at home. I have to wonder what, if anything, you and your son are getting out of this? You appear to be a very well educated intelligent woman that has been through more than most of us care to imagine. I just do not understand how those life lessons you have endured resulted in you being in this sort of a situation now. I would rather think that the tough times you have been through have made you more likely to never allow this sort of abuse to invade your life again. What happened? It has not worked for you in the past so what are you doing to prevent repeating those failures? It is not my intention to be harsh or cruel, from what you post- it just seems it is a time for a change. I wish you much luck on that.
Holy Crap...And sorry I'm late to this post. You are doing what Schmoop did for 14 years. To be blunt, Fuck That.
One can only be walked all over if he or she let's it happen. I let it happen myself as well for quite awhile and finally had enough.
To this day, I am not mad at the person who "did it" to me, any anger I have, which is minimal now, is directed at myself for allowing it to happen.
I know you know all of this. Vocalizing this is therapeutic, but ultimate happiness cannot be achieved without action. Cheers Sexy!!
I hang with someone who gets up at 3:45 a-fucking-m ! It is difficult and I never quite go back to sleep even though he keeps it dark and is amazingly quiet. Not that his words and treatment are justified....but I feel his pain. smile.
dana, you know there is more behind the name calling and distain than just the early morning alarm.
and all the things you do for the household you do because that is how your heart is...not for payback of what he does or might do....
things are broken between you.
maybe you want to repair things?
maybe be wants to repair things?
I think that you need to know what you want and what he wants. You gotta know that before you decide which side of the fence you're gonna fall off of...
in the meantime the vibrating cell phone is a good idea...on mine you can hit snooze...and set it for several times within the same hour...smile.
and for the record...I would love having a wife like you. smile.
Dana, you know my feelings on the issue. Time to get out. I know you made a commitment. But so did he. Is he keeping up his end?
If you suddenly withhold all the things you do for him, then the shit is really going to hit the fan. It is bad enough as it is. Imagine how life will be without the morning back rub, the cup of coffee, and the groceries magically unloading themselves.
The first step (in my humble opinion) is to move out of the bedroom. The second step is to move out of the house. Separation may be a good thing. Give him a chance to re-evaluate the situation. Maybe even appreciate you a bit more.
Just a thought (or two).
Hugs
I know this *way* too well. I might not get the *same* choice adjective he used on you, but the scenerio is much too alike to my own. This whole post is.
We've had so many more arguements lately. because when my husband patronizes, criticizes and mocks me - I get in his face and I tell him to NOT talk to me like that. I've also (slowly, very slowly) made him more accountable to *some* chores. I'll actually make him put the folded tshirts & underwear of his away on his own. And on leftover night, I'll tell him the microwave times. It doesnt help however. He is still the same person. He still talks down to me. Doesn't treat me as an equal. But no longer do I need his approval or attention. I'm more than okay without it. Yes it'd be nice. But I cant keep setting myself up like that anymore. I've gotten very indifferent. It just is what it is. You probably cant ever change him. And he probably wont ever change. Unless he wanted and decided to for himself. But chances of that happening? Hmmm. You deserve to be talked to respectfully. So do I. When I demand it from my husband- it turns into a huge arguement. I dont yell or ever raise my voice. He just talks down to me, over me, doesn't listen, etc. He probably thinks I'm not worthy of that. Though he'd also probably say that yes he does too love me in his defense. He doesnt AT ALL see his own actions. My husband is a very entitled man. And I've learned to just accept it, know he wont change and I still make say what I want and expect. I often go unheard or misunderstood. Its like trying to reason with a brick wall. Nothing gets through to him or is reasonable whatever I say. My husband is also a *right* fighter. (((Hugs, hun))) Keep doing what you need to do to be okay with you. Whatever that is. There's no cookie cutter simple solution. Each situation is individual and unique in their own. Thats what I believe anyways.
Unacceptable reaction from him. I understand *that* far too well, sad to say. My vote? No apology on your part. You are allowed to have your time. He can be angry about it. But he shouldnt think he's entitled to lash out at you because of it.
You didnt do anything wrong, hun. Dont fall into thinking what he's saying to you is valid or right. It's not. His words to you were absolutely uncalled for. I deal with this daily in my own personal marriage. I hope I havent overstepped any weird blog boundary by saying all this. You know how much I just adore you. I truly do. (((More hugs 2 you, sweet girl)))
(crap, sorry, that/this is me)
You do too much for him. He is taking advantage of you. Having been in a VERY similar situation myself....I know/realize how difficult it is to raise issue with this.
It would be nice if you could bring the subject up with him. But at the same time, if you aren't willing to make a stand and really stand your ground...then nothing will change. Other than your hurt feelings will grow further in animosity.
Again pointing out, that I lived like this (and increasingly so) for 16 years. It caused me to be miserable and bend over backwards in an attempt to make him *more* happy and me *more* miserable. *hugs*
There is no right answer. I think when you wrote this, you knew he was wrong. But it's always nice to have other confirm that it's 'not just you' (again....btdt).
*hugs*
What if you just stop babying him?
Sure, keep up all the wife/mom duties of cooking, cleaning, groceries, or maybe start asking him to unload the dishwasher or put the groceries away a couple times a week.
But, bare minimum, stop with the massage and the coffee. And the medication. GEEZ.
He doesn't act like he loves you at all, so why are you acting like his slave. Let His Majesty take care of his most basic needs, like a grown up, and see what happens.
If he is fine with it, then good, it takes a couple things off his to-do list. If he blows up about it. O...M...G... Just thinking about that makes my blood boil. If he has a cow because you aren't delivering his morning coffee and giving him daily massages.... I can't print what I think you should do. But let's just say it would be painful and leave him unable to bear children. All anger aside, if he had a cow about that, you should definitely leave. It means he has no respect for you. Zero. Zilch. And saying "Hi, I'm your personal slave!" won't win you any more respect. Don't tell him you're his property - he seems to be more than happy to treat you as such, anyway.
That is, it takes a couple of things off YOUR to-do list. My bad.
Dana,
Respect goes both ways, he has to respect your need`s too! Marriage is a working partnership, you give and take with each other.
Dana,
He is being a dick and he knows it, I reckon that there more problems than just the alarm clock issues, thats just an excuse.
Dana your in the right, have it out with him and find out what the REAL issues are. Your a smart woman, take care hun, Laters,
Nicey
Hmmm… I have several thoughts.
Being awakened when one has no reason or desire to be awakened can lead to absurdly aggressive responses. I once threw a Bowie knife at a college roommate who awakened me at an inappropriately bad moment.
You could obtain one of those non-jarring alarms, like the type that slowing shines a light on your face as if the sun were rising. It makes no noise and is oriented toward one sleeper only.
Perhaps the most extreme would be to sleep in a different bedroom which I have heard has saved some couples from ending up sleeping in different houses.
You have quite a work load Dana. He takes it for granted. Maybe you should show him a list. Keeping my response just to his behavior when initially waking up, some people wake up peacefully, others in a nasty manner.
I have seen people for a few seconds after waking up, start kicking and throwing punch's. I guess that it has to do with they were dreaming about.
You could always tell him to sleep in another room.
Dana, Sometimes' advice bears repeating:
"You could obtain one of those non-jarring alarms, like the type that slowing shines a light on your face as if the sun were rising. It makes no noise and is oriented toward one sleeper only.
Perhaps the most extreme would be to sleep in a different bedroom which I have heard has saved some couples from ending up sleeping in different houses."
Both very sage pieces of advice.
My sleep was disturbed for 18 years. I eventually opted for the guest room which only led to the END! But that's because our troubles ran much deeper than just the sleep issue.
I know I'm not HELPING...but I can say this that being "on the fence" is no way to live - especially when you KNOW you ARE "on the fence".
Best of luck to you whichever side you eventually land on.
Dana, I have a question..
Has your husband ever been tested for uncontrolled rage issues?
For some folks, this is a cop-out, and a way to explain behavior. For others, it truly is a mental problem, and one that needs to be addressed.
You say that he has these bouts every other month. Have you kept a record, maybe seen some kind of pattern? There could be outside triggering factors that also feed his rage, and cause him to lashout at things most folks would get angry and annoyed over, but not resort to outright verbal abuse.
I'd say that you can take one of three options.
First, you can move into separate rooms. This will blatantly drive a wedge into your relationship, but it will keep the issue of the alarm clock out of the scenario. What this will generate is going to be feelings of inadequacy, and anger at being shut out of your loved one's private life.
Second, you can talk about what's happening. However, this takes effort on both parts, so that may be a while in coming, of he's still in a bit of a mood.
Lastly, you can try to analyze the problem. Chart the outbursts, and things that have been happening at school, home, and his work. See if there are underlying causes for the stress, or even emotional baggage that he carries around until everything just explodes.
I don't have any useful answers, but I can only try to offer helpful advice.
Best of luck!
Dana,
AAAP says that I have a time of the month. Maybe it was his time of the month. I think Sometimes Saintly Nick may have had the solution. Not the light shining in the face, the first one.
Good luck!!!
Oh and you could always come live with AAAP, I am pretty sure that she'd trade me in for you.
Oh my...I don't I can do all those things...you are a superwoman!
Oh my... I can't say much, for having only read this post and not knowing the rest of the situation, but... wow. His behavior sucks. Of course, it can't always be perfect in a relationship, there will be fights and arguments. I get them with Boy Toy, and some aren't pretty. But when all is said and done, there is no doubt whatsoever that he loves and respects me, and vice versa. Judging from your husband's reaction, I'm not sure it's his case.
And what about making a commitment to YOURSELF? Don't forget yourself. And it's not a crime, it's not selfish, it's not bad... You have your own life to live and no one else's, why put up with any crap like that? Sounds like much insecurity to me (this coming from a pretty insecure person) and I think it's YOUR own approval you should seek, not his.
Then again, I'm not aware of the rest of the situation and I could be totally off... But do take care of yourself!
Seems as though I'm a tad late to read you...sorry. :(
But since you asked for opinions, here's mine for what it's worth.
And I sure you don't need anymore advice BUT....
For the life of me I can't understand why anyone..male or female would allow his or her spouse to talk them like that.
If your husband actually loved you...he wouldn't do that.Period. If he had an ounce of respect for you...he wouldn't do that. You simply don't treat people you love in that manner...over and over.
I think he does it because he can. There are no consequences. He can walk all over you BECAUSE nothing changes for him. You still treat him like a king.
I learned some time ago, that people will treat you badly... IF YOU LET THEM. Kids will act up continualy IF THEY ARE ALLOWED.
Sweet Jesus Dana... you are a beautiful woman..inside and out...I sincerely hope that one day you will learn to love yourself AND Cam enough to remove yourself from this situation.
You know this will have an effect on Cam right? Why subject him to all of this??? If you can't bring yourself to rescue you...then do it for Cam.
My wish is that you will one day give him the "hand" with one finger pointed up!! and tell his sorry ass to kiss it. It would be terribly hard at times...but in the long run...YOUR self respect and Cams will reap the benefits.
He's a controlling, manipulative,son of a bitch who gets his kicks being a fucking bully.
That's just my humble opinion though.
My heart is broken for you.
xo
Shit! What don't you do, girl. And what does the hoseband do around the house? Clearly, this is an unequal situation. Go on strike.
His reaction was WAY over the top. So far over it's in outer space right now.
What a jerk.
Amazing....you are Amazing. I would think anyone would feel incredibly lucky to have your support, and your contribution - not to mention the privlege of sharing your bed. He's a sad case.
Hi Dana
I am here from Matt's Sunday sermon to you. Ya know honey, I was there. Exactly there. I was low class, frigid, a nympho (nice contradiction, no?) and asked if I needed my diapers changed.
Here is my question. Why do you want the approval of an asshole? Aren't you tired yet of being "that woman?" You know the one everyone shakes there head over behind her back? Forgive me for being virtually unknown to you while I am being this blunt but maybe you need to hear it from someone who doesn't really know you.
Cause I don't need to know you to understand your husband is prick. You are NOT doing your kid any favors, you raising him to be prick to some other poor "that woman" 20 years down the road. Is that what you want a parent?
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