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Growing up as an only child, I always wanted a baby brother or sister. When I was 18, I got my chance - my mother was pregnant by my step-father. She didn't tell my step-father, and she chose to abort the baby. She asked me to go with her to the clinic. I so wish I would have been strong enough to tell her "no," but instead, I now celebrate what would have been my sibling's expected birthday.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
33 comments:
Hug!
Such a powerful secret and so many other thoughts come to mind. Thank you for sharing and reminding a 'mom' to be a mom first, a friend second. :)
Thanks for sharing this. Our best to you.
My Mother was an only child and desperately wanted a sibling. Her Mother took delight in dropping the "A" bomb at just the right moment to blow my Mom right out of the water.
You are in my thoughts. Big Hug!
Dec 1969 - girlfriend forgot her pills for three days then I got 'lucky' (sarcasm).
Without discussing it with anyone, she aborted, Feb 14, 1970. It was botched and she lost her uterus. (Probably for the best).
I was heart broken.
She could never have children - someone's way of saying shame on you?
I mourn the death every Valentine's Day and celebrated her/his birthday on Labor Day weekend - would have been 38 this year.
I understand your feelings and actions - it never gets better but you will make it - I did.
Oh gosh that is so sad, Dana. :(
My mother had an abortion before she had me. She told me about it when I was about 13 as a way to convince me to on the Pill. I have always wondered if that child would have been the big brother I've always wished I had.
I also always wondered why she chose not to abort me.
Meant to say "go on the Pill" oops.
Sad about Pops gf. :( I never thought about it from the man's point of view before.
I am sad for you!
Don't take it out on yourself. It wasn't your place to tell her no. It was her decision.
It is very sweet that you observe the "B-Day" though. Cheers Dana!!
I'm an odd combination of pro choice and pro life. I think with better education, open conversations with young people, and providing birth control and safe sex alteratives without guilt or judgement- we could all be pro life. That's because we would have made an easy choice before we had to make a hard one. I believe it it a womans' choice what she does, and I'm sure no woman ever made that choice lightly...
Dana: I feel for you babe, and I admire your attitude about the whole thing.
Awwwwwww hon'.......
That just makes my heart sad for you, each.
Yep.
HUG!!
Jenni, thank you!
Anaïs Satire, I'm guessing my mom was just looking for support and thought I was adult enough to handle it, but it would have been nice to talk about it.
Bliss, thank you!
Lu, it's unfortunate that I am not the only one who has faced this.
Pops, I have always leaned pro-choice, but the reality of the situation is that abortion is NOT just about the woman and the unborn child.
FF, odd, isn't it? As you wondered why your mother didn't abort you, I wondered if my mom had wished she had aborted me!
Doomed, it really was a loss.
Matt-Man, I guess I just feel like my silence was taken as approval. The issue has never been spoken of since.
Rage, yes ... it is sad ...
Buff, I've come to the conclusion that I am that same odd combination.
Schmoop, I just wish I had spoken up. Fortunately, at a later time, in a bit different situation, I had a second chance to do just that.
Liquid, thank you for the hug!
Wow. Thank you for sharing that secret with us. I'm not sure how I would have handled it if I had to go with my mom to her abortion appointment. As it was, I barely took the news well that she had a miscarriage. But then again, she told me 30 years after the fact :P
Very difficult situation. It wasn't your decision, but there is guilt associated with just "letting it happen."
But, you shouldn't hold yourself responsible in any way.
I have a similar death and projected birthday that I remember every year. For 26 years now.
I always wondered what a woman feels on these anniversaries. Especially if she's had children. Now I see how it affects them and others too.
I'm so sorry. As an only child, I understand what having a sibling would mean. It makes me sad to see all the siblings in my life that don't appreciate having each other.
I would cherish a brother or sister.
What a huge secret to keep for your mother. I am sorry.
My heart goes out to you.
Your mother's selfishness and immaturity were astonishing.
Some of us got parents none of us deserved. You have so much stuff in you "mental closet" that were "black gifts." Yet you persever and try to better yourself. Hugs.
Hugs Dana
That's not an easy memory to live with. I'm sorry your mother put you in that position.
That's a hard one to "celebrate". Hugs for you and a prayer for your sibling in the heavens.
Garbonzo, at 18, I really wasn't emotionally equipped to handle this, but I'm not sure how well I would have dealt with it had it been kept a secret either.
Jay, I try not to hold myself responsible, but it is still difficult.
Biscuit, {{HUGS}}. Sometimes my secrets are shared in many ways.
BTE, I think that's been the biggest eye opener of all - that this isn't just about a woman and her body.
RLL, I feel cheated out of the sibling relationship.
Karen, I have so many of my own - I don't think I need those of others too!
Neil, I'm working on cleaning out that "mental closet" - one secret at a time!
Dianne, thank you!
Corky, yeah ... me too!
Moose, "celebrate" might have been a poor choice of words - remember maybe?
Dana,
As an only child I understand as well. My (would have been) older brother died before i was born. Never thought growing up it affected me much but realized through therapy and recovery as an adult it in fact had more of an effect that I thought.
To bad you mom involved you in her decision - it is not the job of an 18-year old daughter to 'be strong' for an adult. They have enough to handle just being teenagers.
Take Care Dear
Obviously your mother wasn't thinking clearly when she asked you to be there. I'm sorry you had to be involved at all.
Oh Dana. I am so very sorry. I just don't know what else to say. It's awful.
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