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Well now, I could just dismiss this as nonsense, or I could consider that often times a message needs to be repeated in several different ways before it sinks in.
I've decided it's time to be accountable - to take action. It doesn't mean that I must leave my husband and walk out of the house, never turning back, but it does mean that I must set - and enforce - boundaries in our marriage. Will there be times when I fall back on old habits? Of course, but it's all about progress, not perfection - right??
I've been thinking a lot about Jeff B's comment on my Friday Wrap-Up post:
Yes, I listen to what each of you say, and I value the support as well as the occasional cyber 2 x 4 up along side the head. Jeff shared hiswood lumber with me, and it was actually the conduit (are you enjoying all of these construction references Jeff?) to the boundary setting that took place on Saturday night. I hadn't been calling myself a victim, but if it walks like a duck ... well, you know the rest ...
I will shamefully admit to reading my horoscope (it comes up when I log onto my iGoogle page), but it's not something I consult to help plan my day. Rather my horoscope is something I use to reflect on what might be going on in my life that needs to be addressed. You see, I believe in astrology about as much as I believe in the Tooth Fairy, but I also believe the generality of horoscopes lend themselves to generating some ideas for personal reflection. Today's read:
God I hope you won't sit on that fence too long. Playing the part of the victim, may not be what you're calling it, but it sure is looking that way. I don't want to see you or Cam get hurt by this guy.
Yes, I listen to what each of you say, and I value the support as well as the occasional cyber 2 x 4 up along side the head. Jeff shared his
I will shamefully admit to reading my horoscope (it comes up when I log onto my iGoogle page), but it's not something I consult to help plan my day. Rather my horoscope is something I use to reflect on what might be going on in my life that needs to be addressed. You see, I believe in astrology about as much as I believe in the Tooth Fairy, but I also believe the generality of horoscopes lend themselves to generating some ideas for personal reflection. Today's read:
You may be quite concerned today that your feelings are not recognized by your close friends and family. But blaming others for their lack of care is a mistake. Whether you don't share enough of your emotions because you are afraid of rejection or you share so much that your disclosures become white noise, it's time to take responsibility for your own role in the current situation.
Well now, I could just dismiss this as nonsense, or I could consider that often times a message needs to be repeated in several different ways before it sinks in.
I've decided it's time to be accountable - to take action. It doesn't mean that I must leave my husband and walk out of the house, never turning back, but it does mean that I must set - and enforce - boundaries in our marriage. Will there be times when I fall back on old habits? Of course, but it's all about progress, not perfection - right??
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Vlog announcing the blogiversary winner will post later today!
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Vlog announcing the blogiversary winner will post later today!
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21 comments:
Just remember my dear, sexy buddy...When you walk down the middle of the road, sooner or later, you're gonna get hit.
You're right...you don't have to leave, but you do have to make the decision to not take his shit any longer and not let him give any crap to Cam either.
To be perfectly blunt, the guy is probably the bully type. Just smack him upside the head (no, not literally) and put him in his dickless place. Did I just say that? Ha, yeah, I did. Cheers Dana!!
Dana,
Sorry to hear about this. I think better than anyone, I probably know the road before you...I was dumb enough to take it twice.
Here's something to make you feel better. You were one of the winners from last Tuesday's post at the Hurt Locker. You know my e-mail address....if you want the graphic for your blog please email me and I will send it post haste!
I've changed direction in my life so many times that I'm not the least bit afraid of losing everything I have. I'd be pissed off to the roof, but not afraid. Making a big change like what you talk about in your situation [get off the fence and leave] seems to me nothing to be afraid of. If your 1/10th as tough as you show yourself here, and you move on with YOUR life, what would make you think that you would ever want it back? A big house full of stuff? Do you want your son to feel that more, is ALWAYS better?
I wish you well, so I'll wish you less.
There, that wasn't like a 2/4 was it?
More like a shingle slap. LOL
Matt-Man is right. The middle of the road can be dangerous. The two most common items found in the middle of the road are a yellow streak and dead skunks. Having said that, I think it is prudent to try and balance what you are dealing with at this time. I applaud you and your efforts to try and keep your family together. Only you can understand and see what you think are the best ways to mend and fix the deficiencies that are affecting your family. I hope all of your family members can join in the effort to make your family strong and loving. Good luck.
Good for you. From what you've said, I don't anticipate it being received well, but stick to your guns. He won't respect your wishes unless you are consistent.
Matt-Man, most definitely the bully type. It is actually kind of funny to watch his face when I tell him "No!"
Flyinfox, woohoo! I'm a winner!! I might be spineless at times, but I'm a winner *giggle*
Micky-T, I find it interesting (and extremely frustrating) that some (many?) think this is about losing the "things" I have. That is not the fear. I give less than a damn about the things. Now, I do care about *my* financial security - *my* ability to provide for my son and I in the future - and my commitment to the marriage (and the three kids that came with the deal).
This isn't about me being materialistic (if you only knew), it goes FAR deeper than that.
Oh Dana. I know what you're saying, but sometimes it's so hard to change our patterns and habits. I truly wish you luck in setting the bondaries. But it does take two to agree to them. (And yes, I KNOW you know that already!).
It's the only choice you have. Just try to hold yourself to it. It will be rocky I'm sure.
Your hubby comes off as such a prick. What was he like when you met him?
Boundaries are important but you're gonna be walking a bit of tightrope there. I'm one of the worst advice givers I know, so I'll just try to be all supportive and shit. ;-)
it Is hard changing things even when we know it is the right thing to do. Don't be too hard on your self.
As someone that's walked down that road after a 9 1/2 year relationship, I can feel for you. It's hard telling them no. It's hard to stand your ground.
But you can do this.
Get what you want!
Biscuit, it might not be well received, but it is something I haven't done well in the past and I think it's time I give it a shot.
Bina, I disagree. If I set the boundary, and he continually attempts to cross it, then we need to reevaluate where we are.
Knight, rocky might be an understatement.
Lu, he's always been a prick *gigglesnort*, and quite frankly, I married a milder version of my father. Imagine that!
Jay, a tightrope without a pole most likely, but I need to say that I've done all that I can before throwing in the towel.
Karen, *grin* I am most likely harder on myself than any of you ever will be!
Yes, the construction references warmed my heart. (smiling)
I really considered whether I should hit the publish comment button or not. I'm glad I did, but more importantly, I'm glad you received it in the way in which it was intended.
From what I know about you through your posts and various comments, you shoot straight and don't mix your words. I have a tremendous amount of respect for you in that regard. As a result of that, I felt comfortable (somewhat) sharing my honest feelings on the subject.
I know all to well that not everybody would be so willing to hear my comment with such open ears though. God knows I've been whacked with that proverbial 2x4 on several occasions during my life, and it always leaves a bruise on my head, but the scar tissue that forms over it makes me more resilient to future thumps.
OK, enough goofy metaphors. Stay strong, be safe and know that you have friends like me and the others who are in your corner.
starting down the road is a big step in itself...no matter where you are on the road....just keep taking another step...
Which ever Raod/path you take, i`m sure it will be the right for you
RLL, it is - for so many reasons - quite difficult. It's easy to say, "Just walk away" but for those of us who take our commitments "seriously," it's important to know we've done everything we can before throwing our hands up in defeat.
Jeff, I'm getting better at being less defensive when someone disagrees with me, and honestly, it is easier to hear it from some people than it is from others.
Kat, I do feel better about doing something - even if it isn't what many think should be done.
Mike, eventually I'll be headed in the right direction!
Dana,
Let me hold you hand while to ponder the direction you might take.
glad to hear you are taking a stand!
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