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1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?
The difference between sexy and erotic is like the difference between wearing a lacy cami/panty set under your skirt and blouse to work (sexy), and coming home to your significant other and doing a strip tease down to your lacy cami/panty set while he/she cooks dinner in the kitchen (erotic). Sexy is an adjective - erotic is a verb!
2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?
Well, after 25 years of attempting to make monogamy work, while always wondering how in the heck one "life partner" was supposed to satisfy all of my needs, and realizing that there really are different kinds of love for different relationships (Have I now given a long enough preamble?), I would say that not only are there many different potential mates that I could live blissfully with (male and female), but that I could actually live blissfully with more than one of them in the same household.
3. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?
I don't need to hear the words very often, but I need to "see" the words on a regular basis. I need to know - through thoughtful actions - that I am important to my partner - that I matter.
4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?
All of them! Seriously, I struggle - really struggle - with expressing emotions. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and out of control. In fact, a dear friend recently pointed out that he thought I went into "logical mode" as a defense mechanism. He was right. I've started sharing feelings here and there with people I feel "safe" with and I'm hoping to eventually find a better balance between logical and emotional thinking/reasoning, but for now they are all extremely difficult to express. In other words, I'm not the cold-hearted bitch I often come across as *wink*
5. What is worse - physical, mental or cyber cheating?
Hmmm ... this one is difficult. I used to be quite black and white on cheating, but not so much any more. I've seen/heard some pretty amazing things that make me question if cheating - any type of cheating - is always a bad thing. I think the "bad" component of cheating isn't the type that has occured, but the level one feels betrayed when they discover they've been cheated on.
BONUS: The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you - TODAY - on the scale?
Well, in all honesty I'd say I am a solid 4, maybe even leaning towards a 5, stuck in a society/family that wants me to be a 0. Actually, I've been doing a lot of thinking on this lately and have come to the realization that what is really missing in my life is a loving, emotional (well, yeah ... and physical) relationship with a woman.
The difference between sexy and erotic is like the difference between wearing a lacy cami/panty set under your skirt and blouse to work (sexy), and coming home to your significant other and doing a strip tease down to your lacy cami/panty set while he/she cooks dinner in the kitchen (erotic). Sexy is an adjective - erotic is a verb!
2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?
Well, after 25 years of attempting to make monogamy work, while always wondering how in the heck one "life partner" was supposed to satisfy all of my needs, and realizing that there really are different kinds of love for different relationships (Have I now given a long enough preamble?), I would say that not only are there many different potential mates that I could live blissfully with (male and female), but that I could actually live blissfully with more than one of them in the same household.
3. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?
I don't need to hear the words very often, but I need to "see" the words on a regular basis. I need to know - through thoughtful actions - that I am important to my partner - that I matter.
4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?
All of them! Seriously, I struggle - really struggle - with expressing emotions. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and out of control. In fact, a dear friend recently pointed out that he thought I went into "logical mode" as a defense mechanism. He was right. I've started sharing feelings here and there with people I feel "safe" with and I'm hoping to eventually find a better balance between logical and emotional thinking/reasoning, but for now they are all extremely difficult to express. In other words, I'm not the cold-hearted bitch I often come across as *wink*
5. What is worse - physical, mental or cyber cheating?
Hmmm ... this one is difficult. I used to be quite black and white on cheating, but not so much any more. I've seen/heard some pretty amazing things that make me question if cheating - any type of cheating - is always a bad thing. I think the "bad" component of cheating isn't the type that has occured, but the level one feels betrayed when they discover they've been cheated on.
BONUS: The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you - TODAY - on the scale?
Well, in all honesty I'd say I am a solid 4, maybe even leaning towards a 5, stuck in a society/family that wants me to be a 0. Actually, I've been doing a lot of thinking on this lately and have come to the realization that what is really missing in my life is a loving, emotional (well, yeah ... and physical) relationship with a woman.
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26 comments:
Surprisingly enough, I used to be more black and white on cheating too. Funny how over time opinions shift a bit.
Good questions this week, by the way. Kudos are in order.
Me too. I said I would never never *ever* cheat. And then. Hmmm. IDK.
I think I coulda stolen your #3 & #4 as mine. Awesome answers. Your questions weren't easy ones but I enjoyed trying to figure 'em out for myself.
Happy TMI Dana ; )
I was VERY black and white on cheating, but I too have grayed on that issue. Nor for me personally but I'm not as judgemental with regard to others.
Ms. I, infidelities- in my world - are something each person needs to define for themselves.
I Smile, welcome back! You shouldn't be surprised that my questions were a little more difficult. I won't let y'all slide ...
Lu, and I think that is the most fair you can be. Define it for you and understand that others may have differing definitions.
Nothing is black and white these days. There are so many shade to consider. And besides you can`t or shouldn`t judge others until you have judged yourself.
Great honest answers Dana
I don't know if I could be a part of household and live peacefully, blissfully, and sexually with more than one person...alliances always develop...the people would have to be pretty open-minded.
As for the cheating question...I truly believe that you can't cheat yourself, but as soon as you add another live body to the mix, and that live body takes time away from the person you should be with or talking to, that's cheating.
Your #4 is almost perfect for me. I should go change the answer to link to yours and just say "Ditto, what she said" Lol.
Happy tmi!
I used to be the same way...your #4. I changed. It's the only way to really have someone know you. It's damn hard though!
Welcome to the middle of the Kinsey scale! And here I was hoping for a 7! ;)
Dana - These were great questions.
Love your answer to #1 (adjective vs. verb) - That is what I was thinking but English is a second language for me so I was unable to come up with the grammatical comparison.....To claify - I do not have a first language :-)
I think as we get wise and older, we learn to evaluate the impact of the infidelity instead of being black and white about it.
But the important thing is, if confronted... be honest. I think.
My view of cheating has changed tremendously over the years also. I think monogamy is a lofty ideal, but I am not sure it is practical.
Great answers again.
Mike, sometimes I wish it were a bit more black and white. It would make decisions far easier. But when there are those of us who judge ourselves far more harshly than we judge others, that gray gets even thicker.
Marty, I think your cheating definition is likely shared by most.
DamagedStar, No fair! You must have your own answer *giggle*
I think it's sad that so many of us don't become comfortable in our "sexuality skin" until later in life.
Ugh...I had such a hard time with #5. I chose the "answer without answering" route. :) One thing I am VERY clear on after the last year is that as far as some spouses are concerned, they are all equal.
RLL, not quite in the middle of the scale. Definitely leaning ...
Kahuna, thank you! I'm glad you liked them!
Anndi, honesty is always the best policy, and almost always the more difficult of the two options.
Karen, what's funny is that I always thought monogamy - or being single and a "slut" - were my only two options. I am now considering there might be more gray there too!
Biscuit, I'd like to think the sexuality issue has become easier for those younger than me. Society (generally) is far more accommodating than it used to be.
I think the whole cheating thing can become quite 'grey'.
Great answers and very thought provoking questions. Really loved them this week!
HappyTMI~
Sometimes i wish it was more black and white, but i`m one for talking as i have crossed the line between black and white in the past.
You summed up #1 perfectly.
Your answer to #1 is hot.
"...I've been doing a lot of thinking on this lately and have come to the realization that what is really missing in my life is a loving, emotional (well, yeah ... and physical) relationship with a woman."
Me too. LOL ;-)
Vixen, it can be - especially when the infidelities occur without intent of ever leaving the spouse. I've discovered this happens far more than I realized.
Mike, funny how the gray becomes more vibrant when you've left black or white, isn't it?
Sweet, thank you!
Jay, I've always known you and I had a lot in common *wink*
Great answers. When I saw these questions this morning, I wasn't inspired to answer them but you made them interesting as usual! :)
FF, you didn't like the questions I submitted for TMI Tuesday?? I'm so hurt *wink*
Your answers each week are amazing in that we have so many of the same thoughts on this subject...
Your questions so I'll answer here.
1. There is a huge difference. Erotic is a thing. Sexy is a thing combined with a person.
2. I believe there is a right person for a right time. I believe that person can grow and change with you so they are the right person for multiple times. I used to believe that I could stay happily married to one of many. I learned that happily and married don't have to go together. I learned that living with someone you don't love is hard. It is even harder when you don't like them very much.
3. No. I need to feel it and see it in her actions. I need to know that she thinks I am special.
4. I am a guy. My dad is John Wayne characters from the 1940s and 1950s. Combine that with my Irish heritage and you only get extremes.
5. I'm just going to copy from a comment I left earlier elsewhere:
Cheating isn’t the disease it is a cure. Something is missing in the relationship and that leads to the cheating. There may be nothing the partner can provide. It may be something missing in the cheater. I am also a believer in the theory that you don’t cheat on a partner you cheat on yourself. If you are gonna sneak around grow a pair and tell your partner what is wrong. Give them a chance to fix the relationship if it can be. See The Pina Coladas Song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZuVHQcZlNA
But to answer the question, the one I would like the least and find hardest to forgive is physical infidelity.
BONUS: I am a plain vanilla 0. Not the least interested in the same sex; not the least bit homophobic.
Absolutely LOVE your answers! I answered most of them the same way. Good job!
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