The Fence is Crumbling Under the Weight

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I need some unbiased opinions (some of you will need to work with me on that one) on a situation that occurred this morning. What I'm looking for is some kind of idea if what I believe to be an unreasonable reaction is - indeed - unreasonable. First, a little bit of background ...

There has always been an issue in our home surrounding how early I set my alarm (4:15AM). In reality, I do not need to get up until 5:15AM - I could get up at that time, do my morning chores - get myself ready and still get out the door on time. Husband doesn't need to wake up until 5:30AM.

Now, the reason I get up so early is so that I have an hour to watch the news, check my email, read blogs and update mine. It's certainly not necessary, but I enjoy that hour of quiet time, sipping my coffee all alone. The problem? Sometimes (usually not more than once/week) I hit the snooze when the alarm sounds at 4:15. This wakes husband up and he is not able to get his last hour of sleep.

This morning I hit the snooze. When the alarm sounded again at 4:24, husband yelled, "Dana, you [insert really nasty, multiple word, expletive], get out of the f*&%ing bed!" It went downhill from there. As I was leaving the room I said (didn't yell - I swear), "All of the things I do for you and you want to bitch about the alarm clock." Now, just what is it I do for him (thanks Fairy Flutters for this idea)?

• Each morning I wake him up at 5:30. I give him a short back rub and whisper, "Good Morning." I also leave a glass of water and his daily medication on the bedside table.
• When he gets in the shower at 6:00, I make the bed and place a cup of coffee on the bedside table for him to drink when he gets out of the shower.
• I make dinner and clean the kitchen every week night (and most weekends).
• I do all of the grocery shopping, including unloading the groceries from the car and putting them all away.
• I do all of the laundry, including picking up his dirty clothes, folding his clean clothes and putting his clean clothes away.
• I take his work clothes to the cleaners once/week and pick them up, hanging them in his closet.
• I clean the house - vacuum, dust, bathrooms, floors - once each week.
• I clean the cat litter box and feed the cats daily.
• I handle all banking responsibilities, from paying bills to making deposits.
• I make the morning phone call to Cam to make sure he is out of bed and ready to catch the bus.
• I supervise Cam's homework daily.
• I make all phone calls for husband's appointments (hair cut, dentist, etc.).
• I keep the family calendar updated with all family obligations, including those of my step-daughter and step-son.
• I take out the trash and any yard waste (grass clippings etc.) each week, bringing the trash receptacles back in at the end of the day.
• AND I work a full-time job, am PTO President and go to the gym at least 3x/week.

Now, if I stewed on this a bit more, I have no doubt I could come up with even more things that I do to keep the family running efficiently. Don't get me wrong - none of these things have ever been demanded of me. I do them because making my family happy - taking care of them and doing these things for them - makes me happy. I don't expect anything in return other than a little bit of common courtesy and respect should I do something terrible like hit the snooze button in the morning.

This is not the first time he has made his disdain for my 4:15 rising time known. This has come up frequently in the 5 years we have been together, but has never resulted in the reaction that occurred this morning. In addition to the initial name calling, I was told how "sick and tired" he is of my obsessive compulsive need to get up and watch TV and surf the internet at ungodly hours, that he didn't want me to do anything for him anymore because I think it gives me a right to hold it over his head (I never complain), that I could not speak my mind on the subject (he's not spoken to me since the degrading name calling), that I was to leave him alone, and he even "withheld" my morning goodbye kiss (When I asked for a kiss as I was walking out the door he shook his head no).

I understand that he wants to optimize his sleeping time, but what about what works for me? What makes me happy? Was his reaction over the top or should I abide by his sleeping schedule and apologize? I know some of you cannot believe I am asking these questions, but my reality seems have gotten so skewed that I really cannot seem to grasp what is reasonable and what isn't, and trust me, I will be told I am wrong in this situation.

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Delay of the Thin Mints, but it's Worth It!

I'm in a bit of a quandary (or obsessive funk, whichever you prefer). I've been playing up this damned Thin Mint HNT thing all week. Jahooni went out of her way to make it happen, I bought the chocolate syrup and the hot fudge, I was ready to go ... and then came the funk. Actually, I've been fighting the funk for what seems like an eternity a few months - grabbing the smiling face from the jar, putting it on each morning and pretending I'm happy. I thought it might just fool the funk. It didn't.

Then, I'm going through my Google Reader yesterday morning and stop for a quick rest next to Vince on the Big Leather Couch. If you haven't been there, you really should go - there is always great music playing and the atmosphere is quite comfortable. Anyway, I digress ...

His post yesterday was titled, Is It Worth It......? Now, y'all know how it is when you start reading a blog and you think, "Oh my ... how did he/she get in my head today?" I had one of those moments. Vince talked about evaluating the things in our lives to determine if they were "worth it." Now, he had some mushy shit romantic thoughts in there as well, but the "worth it" part really struck a chord with me.

For about the past year I've been doing some steady fence sitting in some very important parts of my life - specifically my marriage. I've been waiting for a lightening strike to my left tibia an epiphany to help me decide if it was time to buck up and give 100% to try to save the marriage, or if it was better to give 100% to ending it amicably. In that year I've watched my financial stability plummet and my self-esteem suffer greatly. I think it's likely that my son has lost respect for me due to my seeming inability to stand up for myself - or for him - in this situation. And yet I continue to precariously perch atop these white pickets.

You know, the longer you sit on the pickets, the more used to them you get, but as I was reading Vince's post I had to ask myself, "Is it worth it?" What is the price I am paying to sit on this fence? Would my husband pay the same price to sit where I've been sitting? Is it fair to ask my son to pay that price? It all became pretty damn clear - it's time to make a move. It's not going to be easy to get off that fence - I have semi-permanent indentations in my ass from sitting there so long and my legs have fallen asleep - but the price I am paying (and subjecting my son to) isn't worth it.

On that depressing thought light note, I can't seem to give Thin Mint HNT the attention it deserves. My mind just isn't there right now. Not to worry, there will be an HNT post, but it likely won't be like any of those you've seen before, and I hope there won't be any more like it in the future. I know that I can't do Jahooni's Thin Mint HNT justice tomorrow - not with where my head is right now - so I'll keep those boxes of asparagus cookies in the freezer, and the chocolate syrup in the pantry until I can do Jahooni justice ... or do Jahooni ... whichever comes first!