Just in case you've forgotten the song, I thought I'd refresh your 80's memory!
Yes, it's the final countdown to my return to work. It was just three short months ago (my, time flies when your having fun) that I was told I wasn't a good "fit" for my employer. Well, FUCK your fit! I had a lovely, all expense paid, three month holiday break and vacation and I'm actually ready to go back to work now - at least for the first few days ...
So, I've got five days to blog to my heart's content, but am not sure what to blog about. My brain is filled with random thoughts such as these:
- 53 different ways to say masturbate without actually saying it
- Why the New York Times published a reprehensible story titled, Across America, Deadly Echoes of Foreign Battles that indicates veteran's are committing more violent crimes than the general population
- Are we really going to throw money at our economy, in the form of tax rebates, to people who don't even make enough money to have actually paid taxes?
- Will my husband ever discover my blog or should I start a weekly erotica post?
What's a old woman girl to do?
Then there is this recent story posted on Real Live Lesbian's blog regarding her attempted suicide. Not only was this an amazingly written, insightful story, but it was also one that brought face to face with place I hadn't regularly visited in 18 years - the "survival" of my husband's suicide. RLL has encouraged me to share my story, but I have apprehensions.
First, I'm not so sure the story would be of value to those who read this blog. It's certainly not an entertaining story, and it will be a difficult one to tell. Like RLL, I've never really said much about it to anyone other than, "My first husband committed suicide." when they ask if I got divorced. For some reason that response usually halts any further questions on the topic.
Second, and most important to me, the story is very dark, disturbing and violent. Now, I know that some of my Sunday Secrets have that same tone, but they are just one or two sentence snippets that can be read and filed away fairly quickly. I don't think this story will be as easy to toss aside, and I don't want to lose the handful of readers I have by discussing something as difficult as suicide. Yes, I realize that RLL did not lose readers, however she was a pioneer - I'm just following along on her shirt tails.
I'm looking for your honest input here. Is this a story that needs to be told/heard, or should I work on 52 additional euphemisms for "Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college?"
27 comments:
This is your blog, Dana. Your playground. We will read what your heart desires to put out there.
If you decide to write the suicide story, do it for yourself, because you feel like it would be a good thing for you to do - whether that good feeling comes from getting it all out of your system, or hoping that someone can find solace and help from reading it.
I know I would read it with interest... no risk of losing me on account of that.
Then... liven things up with the 53 euphemisms... I would love to read those as well ;)
Jeez I don't know. I mean, really if you think that writing about it on here will be a good thing then go for it. You'll get nothing but support here so you don't have to worry about that.
But, if it's not something you WANT to write about don't feel pressured to do so for our voyeuristic needs. If it's too difficult or something you think would very negatively affect you then that's understandable.
It's YOUR story. Of course, you can do what you want. I think you should write it while you have the time...whether you share it is your choice.
But write it first. And tell it as if it is happening to you.
I think you'll be surprised at the closure you'll get and more importantly in the way it will impact people on my side of the coin if you decide to share it.
Sometimes we don't think about how our actions will affect someone else. You have the experience and ability to tell us how it does.
r.e.h. Thanks for your support (wasn't that a Bartles and James commercial?)
Jay, it's something I've thought about putting in to words for years, but always saw it as a "weakness". Maybe it's time to change that perspective.
RLL, once again, your insight is invaluable!
YOu know, I think if you feel it would help to put the words down than share the story....will it help someone, you never know.
I do know I, as a mom of 2 teen boys do not need the nasturbation topic...PLEASE!!!!!
Good luck, and wow, next week back to work.
Penelope, as the mom of one "almost" teen boy, I could probably come up with at least 104 euphamisms for "Summoning the genie"
I think you've gotten some pretty good advice so far. Maybe if I were better at sharing difficulties I'd be able to sleep at night?
This is a topic you've touched on several times (albeit very lightly) in the time that I've known you. I think subconciously you WANT to share, but don't know how.
Type it all out and save it. Then when/if the day comes you're ready to share, it'll be there.
I guess I can only echo what everyone has said. This blog is yours and what you write is up to you want or need to write about.
I do disagree however, with Penelope, masturbation is an extremely fun topic and one that I am intimately and frequently familiar with. Cheers!!
Dana, I hope the question of "what will other people think" is not a motivating factor in whether or not to post your story. I know laying it out there can be a gut wrenching decision, but please know that I will continue to read which ever way you decide to go.
Real's posts did not turn me off to her site. In fact it did quite the opposite.
Even if you ultimately decide not to hit the publish button, take the time to write it. I think you'll find it will be very good for the soul.
Leighann, if you only apllied your great insight to your own life, you would sleep better at night *gigglesnort*
Matt-Man, I couldn't agree with you more! Masturbation is an extremely fun and necessary topic!
Jeff, if I'm honest, I *am* motivated by "what will other people think," and when the story is told, you'll likely see where that comes from. That being said, I think 18 years is long enough to keep this story to myself.
Dana,
If its good for you then write it. If it aint then don't.
How can you say old woman, no chance you are older than 35.
Girl you are so right on on politics sometimes I think I typed it ;)~
Gotta go let Jake the one eyed snake out to play.
My sentiments will echo all the others. 1. Masturbation is way more fun the suicide. 2. If it is something you want/ need to talk about we will be here to read it and comment/show support/reiterate that masturbation is more fun, whichever moves us, but it is up to you what you write.
We come here because we like you.
Your blog so do with it what you please. You'll at least still have me as a reader...and knowing the others I am sure they will continue to hang around as well.
You are well liked in the blogworld dear lady!
Write away.......
Panty RANT! with pictures!!!!!
BUT.....This blog is yours and what you write is up to you. Write what you want or need to write about.
Don't worry about us poor guys that have seen Matt-Man in his backwards panties. That was cruel and unusual punishment.
oh yeah there were 3 of your 4 I didn't comment on.
NYT: They did it because they are in the tank for the socialists, oops idiocrats.
throw money: yes we are because it feels good to give the poor money. See every g'ment program that failed ever. And they are all idiots and all trying to do something to help their party get elected right now, pandering for the low wage earner vote.
Post erotica and nekkid pics: Yes and yes! Ok I made part of that question up, sue me, but yessss. If your deal is like mine then if he/she does find out you are in a heap of trouble anyway, so go for it. Well if you want to post it then do, I'l read it for sure and be tickled.
I agree with RLL and write it first...then decide if you want to post it. Writing it is such good therapy for what ails ya!
Only you can answer wether or not you should blog about the suicide. That is a very heavy topic. If you feel like it may be helpful to you to write about it then I say you should. however if it is too hurtful then I say no.
The euphemisms is a good idea too...
I you would feel better by writing about, do it!
SS, I have almost a decade on 35 ... but thanks for the ego stroke!
G-Man, I'm thinking I might have to start with the masturbation post and work my way up (or is that down?)
PP, write the blog and they will come? Hmmmm ...
Al, the only problem is that I'm happy with my panties - wait - that sounds wrong!
RD, advise taken - you are, afterall, the published one!
Doc, heavy would be an understatement.
Buf, I think it has become one of those "Just do it" moments!
You know it'll be a good post and a great day when it starts with a Europe song!
I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for putting that song up, but I look forward to whatever you want to write about.
RudeCactus, that's what I was thinking!
Corky, you need to get together with RudeCactus. That song is a staple of the 80's!
Dana:
1- congrats on being ready to go back to work.
2- Your random topics are priceless. I would enjoy any of them. The first one reminds me of George Carlin's "words you can't say on TV"
3- Thanks for asking about our 'willingness' to read about your 1st husband. Since you asked, I think you should write the story. Afterwards, you'll know yourself if it feels right to publish it. Your presence & wit in the blogosphere is testament enough that you have survived the event but perhaps there are some lessons that can be relayed that could benefit other 'survivors'?
In either case, your readership will continue to increase because of your authenticity, not because the specific topics you choose.
damn ur old!!!!!
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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