When I'm Not Here

I'm most often on tumblr (Still Tied To The Tracks - some of you will recognize that reference)

I've been doing this August Blog-A-Day challenge all of this month. Since most of you who read me here don't do the tumblr thing, I thought I would post a few of the more interesting daily prompts/responses here. Yes ... I'm cheating on all of you with tumblr *snicker*

August Blog A Day - Day 1

Advice you wish you could give everyone. Things 

you’ve learned you wish you knew earlier.

• Life is not fair. Believing that it should be will do little more than drive you crazy
• Karma is real, but it doesn’t usually work the way you wish it would. People do get back what they put out there, but seldom will you ever see them “pay” It’s okay - just watch your own karma
• Don’t let fear keep you from trying 
• Don’t wallow in misery, pity, or deceit. If you feel the need to wallow, wallow in marshmallow fluff!

August Blog A Day - Day 11

Where did you grow up? How often have you moved? 

Where do you live now?

I was born in a small (under 5,000 people) town in eastern Washington near Grand Coulee Dam.

My parents moved to an eastern suburb of Seattle and purchased a home when I was 18-months old, and I lived in that same house until I was 18. I went to school with the same kids from kindergarten through high school.

At 22, the wanderlust bug bit me … and continues to bite me …

I’ve lived in southern California, Maryland, Wisconsin, Minnesota, southern Texas, Illinois, and now I’m in Las Vegas

Barring any unforeseen major life events?


I’ll likely stay here 

August Blog A Day - Day 22

Write a letter to the person who has hurt you the most

Dear Dad,

All that I ever wanted from you was unconditional love, but that never happened, did it? 

It was all good if I got straight A’s on my report card (no A-’s), if I was first chair clarinet in band, if I made some spectacular play in a softball game, if I went on to college after high school, if I didn't get pregnant when I was single …

If … if .. if …

But if I failed … even just a little bit (like I was “average”)? You were quick to tell me how worthless I was.

After 16 years of that - day in and day out (I wish you and mom had divorced long before), it was seared into my brain that I would never be enough for anyone unless I was perfect … and I have never been able to be/find perfect. At 54, I still can’t believe that anyone would love me unless I were perfect - physically, emotionally, intellectually. In other words, I don’t believe anyone will love me as I am … EVER!

You DESTROYED my ability to feel loved, and I still haven’t forgiven you for that.

I’m glad you died in December.

At least you can’t cause anymore damage

Sincerely,

The daughter who was never enough who grew into the woman who was never enough

TMI Tuesday | Sexiness

(via TMI Tuesday Blog)

1. What type of clothes make you feel sexy?

a. a specially selected casual outfit

b. lingerie or silky pajamas

c. elegant, dressy evening clothes

d. anything that leaves me almost naked

I like hidden sexy - like lingerie under very non-sexy outfit - and knowing that there is so much more to me than people see. 

2. Which do you prefer?

a. pillow talk

b. sexy texting

c. love notes

Is YES an acceptable answer? I think all of these are wonderful to receive and to give!

3. Which do you do best?

a. pillow talk

b. sexting

c. writing love notes

I so enjoy writing - expressing my feelings through words - especially when I put ink to paper. Although sexting offers an opportunity to express myself in words (or photos) there's just something about the personalization that manual writing offers.

4. You been granted just ONE of the following in your favorite city/place in the world. Which would you choose and why?

a. 24 hours of romance

b. 24 hours of lust (intense, overwhelming sexual desire but not acted upon mixed with enthusiasm for life)

c. 24 hours of sex

This was not an easy question to answer ... I mean my life has been significantly lacking in all three of these things. That said? I haven't often been romanced in my life. It would be pretty amazing to have 24-hours of memories of being romanced.

5. How do you tap into your sexiness?

Sexiness, for me, is not all physical (thank goodness or I'd have none of the sexy). I think cooking a special meal for someone is sexy (especially if your wearing only an apron). I think sticking an I <3 U post-it-note on your partners car windshield is sexy. I think giving a small, meaningful, unexpected gift is sexy. These are the ways I tap into my sexiness.

Bonus: Which is better–your digital sex life or your in-the-flesh sex life?

I so wish I could say that my in-the-flesh sex life was better, however I'm going to have to go with my digital sex life. Now mind you, I would definitely prefer the physical, but the digital? It can be pretty good too!

10 Things Thursday | I'm baaaccckkkkk

1. Y'all know that I have an unreasonable love of Post-It-Notes, vacuum cleaners, and all things LEGO, but this? LEGO molds made to be used with Jell-O (Jell-O being one of my unreasonable fears)?? NO! JUST NO!!
2. I learned about Airbnbs on a trip to Colorado a few years ago ... and I fell in love! Far better than staying in a stuffy hotel room off of exit 270 just outside of some Podunk town. What I didn't know is that people have trailers for "glamping" listed on Airbnb. The Land Yacht and Vintage Caravan in California, and the Yellow Sub in New Mexico are on top of my to-do list!
3. Summer is winding down in Las Vegas (thank goodness), but thought this was appropriate late summer humor

   

   (via xkcd)

4. How in the hell does this country have 2.5 billion pounds of surplus meat and 1.39 billion-pound surplus of cheese, and yet 1 in 6 children do not know where they will get their next meal? I am just floored by the inefficiencies and waste in this country!
5. Speaking of food ... did you know that one of the perks of working at a Facebook tech campus is free food in the cafeteria? Cities that house these campuses are fighting back due to a loss of local business. See? Facebook is evil on many levels! 
6. And since we are talking about Facebook, do you need a Facebook/tumblr/twitter/YouTube intervention? This little Chrome extension can help you out! I'll pass ... I already know that I spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME online.
7. Just about two years ago Cam and I went to the Hoover Dam and did the DAM tour

8. 

   PROOF

   It was a fascinating tour, and now learning that the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power is looking at adding a $3 billion pipeline and a pump station powered by solar and wind energy so that they can send water back to the top of the generators to help manage electricity at times of peak demand? Pretty dam cool (pun intended).
9. Are you ready for some football??? Bud Light has put ‘Victory Fridges’ in Cleveland to help Browns fans celebrate their first win ... FREE BEER!!! Well ... if you consider Bud Light Beer (I don't).
10. Can opener eye opener ... MIND BLOWN!!!

TMI Tuesday | Sexy Time

(via TMI Tuesday Blog)

1. What is sexy time to you?

Is this a trick question? Any time is sexy time if all parties involved are in agreement, right?

2. Who’s sexier–women or men?

I don't think sexy has a gender preference. I've met people all over the gender /gender identity spectrum that were sexy. It's not something exclusive to men or women.

3. How did you learn to masturbate, and how old were you when you first succeeded?

I am not sure I've ever told this story. Let me just preface this by saying that I have always been a very sexual person ... from a very early age. I was never afraid/embarrassed to explore my body.

When I was 10? Maybe 11? I was home alone, looking for something in my mom's closet. I saw a book on the top shelf of the closet and thought that it was a weird place for a book, so I pulled it off the closet shelf. It was a book titled Female to Female Sex Techniques. Not only was it instructional, but it had PHOTOS. Imagine my surprise. At that point in my life, I knew that men and women had sex (I had even listened to my parents have sex), but I had no idea that women had sex with other women.

So I'm looking at the book and getting very sexually stimulated, not knowing that was what was happening.

In several of the photos, one of the women was using a cordless vibrator very similar to this one on another woman.

 

At this point in my life, I had already explored putting items (fingers, crayons, etc.) in my pussy, but just new it felt good. It never generated an orgasm. Seeing a woman using this on another woman? I had no idea there were such tools.

After ogling and reading the book for quite some time, I decided I had better put it back on the shelf and explore it another time (I was a "latchkey" kid - I had TONS of available time alone). As I was putting the book back on the shelf, I discovered that my mom also had the very same cordless vibrator I had seen in the book.

Well now ... I had just acquired the knowledge of what the cordless vibrator was really for and had a very good idea of idea of what to do with it, so I did just that. I had no idea what an orgasm was, but I learned that day, and it both excited me and terrified me at the same time.

The next day? I did it again ... and again ... and again. So yes, I've been masturbating/having orgasms for 44 years *GASP* and I learned what to do from a book. It just kept getting better after that.

4. Do you like taking naked photos of yourself?

I like taking naked photos of parts of my body - specifically my breasts as I feel they are the only part of my naked body that is the least bit sexually attractive. I've been known to take naked photos/videos of other parts of my body, however I always do that very apprehensively.

5. What is your biggest sexual fear?

I have very few sexual boundaries, and many "non-standard" sexual things/activities that turn me on. *NOTE* Nothing illegal - just high on the kink scale. I am always fearful of engaging with a new sexual partner and sharing those thoughts with them. It's a very vulnerable situation, and one that has resulted in the end of more than one relationship as the other person was "bothered" by my kink.

Bonus: To you, what does the ideal penis look like? (feel free to include artwork or photos).

I've never met a penis I didn't like as long as the owner of that penis knew what they were doing with said penis. I've had long penises, short penises, thick penises, thin penises, curved penises, straight penises, circumcised penises and uncircumcised penises. None of them were any better looking than the others - they were all just different.

I Was Reprimanded Today

For not blogging regularly.

It's odd - I feel guilty blogging all of the memes and no original thoughts. This blog has not been what I've wanted it to be lately. I don't know how to get back there. I'm a bit lost ...

That said? Let's do another meme, shall we? It's Sunday Stealing ... on Monday!

(Sunday Stealing)

1: 3 Fears

Abandonment

Failure

Jell-O (don't ask) 

2: 3 things I love

My son

Ummmmm ....

Ummmmm .... 

3: 4 turns on

Turn ons? Because Turns on seems wrong ...

Making me laugh

Making me feel special

Intellect 

Forearms (what????)

4: 4 turns off

You mean turn offs?? *snicker*

Bad teeth

Selfishness

Treating others poorly

Being closed minded 

5: My best friend

I don't have one - I wish that I did - but when you (*I*) push people away it's difficult to have a best friend

6: My favorite book

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. It will always be my favorite book because it's the first book I felt a connection to.

7: My best first date

Seriously? I'm pretty sure I've never had a "best" first date.

8: How tall am I

I am 6'-0" tall. According to many, I am intimidating. I'm really not!

9: What do I miss

Feeling loved. Being touched. The really simple things.

10: What time were I born

OMG!!! The grammar!! I was born at 7:17 PM on a Saturday. Funny story ... I have strong redneck roots. My dad was racing in a local stock car race when my mom went into labor. He was PISSED that he had to leave the race to be at the hospital for her.

11: Favorite color

I don't have a specific favorite color - I like BOLD colors - no whimpy pastels.

12: Do I have a crush

I have several crushes. Boy crushes ... girl crushes ... couple crushes. I'm always crushing!

13: Favorite quote

Ummmm ... remember me? I love words so much that I have them permanently inked on my body. That said? My favorite words (not really a quote) is a Robert Frost Poem:

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay. 

14: Favorite place

My favorite place is anywhere that I can hear waves hit the shore and smell salt water.

15: Favorite food

YES!!! Wait ... you wanted me to pick one? Pfffttttt!

16: Do I use sarcasm

You're kidding, right?? If it weren't for sarcasm there would be many more dead people!

17: What am I listening to right now

My TV is on and American Pickers is currently showing. I love that show ... in fact? I love the History Channel!

18: First thing I notice in new person

Their eyes ... I do believe the eyes tell things beyond words.

19: Eye color

Boring brown ... so dark they are almost black.

20: Hair color

In real life? Mousy brown, but I prefer artificial red!

TMI Tuesday | 3's

(via TMI Tuesday Blog)

1. ​You can only keep 3 things: (pick and explain your choices)

Coffee
Jewelry
Books
Chocolate
Wine or Beer
Netflix
Tacos

I think I'm going to need coffee (or I'll be unbearable the rest of my life), books (hello??? What would life be without books?), and tacos, because man (woman) cannot live on coffee and books alone!

2. If your job gave you a surprise 3-day paid break, what would you do with those three days?

In a perfect world, or in my work reality world? In a perfect world, I'd drive to San Diego and spend three days in a beach house, without my phone or my laptop. I my work reality world, I'd drive to San Diego and spend three days in a beach house with my phone and my laptop so that I wasn't three days behind when I got back to work (I am the accounting department - if I'm off from work the only thing that happens is that I get behind).

3. Have you ever had a threesome? What was the configuration?

Well now, that's an interesting question. YES! I have been (many times) in both MMF and the FFM configurations.

4. In a threesome, do you like to be the star attraction or a bit player/personal  assistant?

I certainly like to be actively involved, but I prefer to be the giver of pleasure rather than the receiver of pleasure. My pleasure comes from pleasing others, even when it comes to sex.

5. Would you have another threesome?

ABSOLUTELY!! Look, I've had a couple of bad threesome experiences, but overall they've been very good. I've found that the best threesomes start out as friendships so there is that trust and chemistry ahead of time.

Bonus: Rate your last  threesome on a scale of 1-5, 5 being fantastic.

My last threesome was at Red Rooster and was a solid 1.5. I went with my "lifestyle boyfriend" (who has now lost that title), and we hooked up with another female. She was reluctant, but allowed herself to be talked into it (not by me - by him). She shouldn't have. Within a few minutes of the encounter it was clear that she was not into it ... and she smelled funny. Funny/odd smells are a HUGE turnoff for me.

Now, after that, I was back at Red Rooster by myself for what I hoped would be the pinnacle of what I want in a threesome. Without going into details (to protect the innocent), it didn't work out the way that I and number 2 of the threesome hoped it would *shrugs* Maybe some other time.

Extra Credit Bonus: How to Enjoy a Threesome

Sunday Stealing | Blazing Stars

(via Sunday Stealing)

1 - You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?

Those of you who know me realize this is not a hypothetical question. In the last year, there has been this

And this ... 

And this ...

And this ... 

And this ... 

For the most part? I'm all about words. My next ink will likely be Robert Frost's Nothing Gold Can Stay.

2 - If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?

Wow ... ummmmm ... this is a tough one as fiction is not my preferred genre, however when I read The Outsider's in the 6th grade, I really identified with Ponyboy Curtis. Also related to my answer for question #1.

3 - You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?

Oh! Easy peasey lemon squeezy ... Three Square Food Bank. I continue to be disappointed in a country that has excess food that they pay farmers to destroy, yet we cannot feed everyone in the country.

4 - If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

Again ... this question ... the "if then, than this" linear model works with computers, not in life. No changes here!

5 - If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Wow ... no ... see answer to #4 ...

6 - You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?

I'm going with a lightsaber and ... "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!"

7 - What is the first curse word that comes to mind?

FUCK!! I don't know *snicker*

8 - Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you hate for a month? Explain why.

I'm going with someone I hate for a month, because if I were on a desert island with someone I loved for TEN years? I'd probably end up hating them!

9 - 5 things within touching distance:

• Leftover pizza
• A red Swingline stapler
• A half-full cup of (now cold) coffee
• iPad
• Ty Beanie Babies Socks the Sock Monkey 

10 - What are you supposed to be doing right now?

It's Sunday ... there is nothing I am supposed to be doing!

11 - Currently wanting to see anyone?

Yes, my friend Tracy who lives here in Vegas, but who I haven't seen in far too long. He's a kindred soul. 

12 - Would you go against your moral code for money?

Which moral code and how much money? I guess the answer to this question is "possibly."

13 - What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind?

Definitely strength of the mind. Strength of the body peaks, then deteriorates. Strength of the mind continues to expand and grow.

14 - How important you think education is?

I think being knowledgeable is a far better quality. I'm not a stickler with the whole "if you have a PhD, you are somehow better/more valuable." I think social knowledge and life skills can be much more valuable in the long run.

15 - If you were the president, what would you do?

I would like to pass on the opportunity to be President, especially with the mark 45 has left on that office. 

Sunday Stealing | Never Been Asked Before

(via Sunday Stealing)

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

I'm a start at the top and work my way down shower-er. First I shampoo my hair, then put conditioner in my hair, then grab the bar of soap and work my way down. The last thing I do is rinse the conditioner out of my hair.

2. What colour is your favourite hoodie?

I have one - and only one - hoodie. It is white making white the color of my favorite hoodie!

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Ohhhhh! Absolutely!And no - Mike isn't the last person I kissed, so there!!

4. Do you plan outfits?

For FUCKS sake! 6 out of 7 days a week I put on a pair of ballin' shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top. That's my dress code as I work from home. No ... no outfit planning here. And all of that accessorizing? Don't do any of that either!

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

IRRITATED ... HIGHLY IRRITATED! Just did my "mom date" and it ended in a shit-show. It's not the first time this has happened, but it's been a while.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

Ohhhh ... I dream ... vivid dreams. The last dream I remember I awoke myself screaming, "HELP ME!" because my mom had left me alone, by the side of the road, with nothing more than a blanket, and a bobcat started stalking me and then chewing on my right pinky finger.

Abandonment issues anyone?? 

8. Did you meet anybody new today?

I did not meet anyone new today, and truth be told? I'd prefer not to meet anyone new ... nor to do the whole peopling thing in general.

9. What are you craving right now?

I am craving touch. Just someone who I care about putting their hand on my shoulder or my knee. Snuggling on the sofa watching TV. That's my craving!

10. Do you floss?

I do floss! Not every day, but at least 3 times a week.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

Creamy coleslaw ... YUMMMMM!!!

12. Are you emotional?

I am emotional with a twist. It's always been my belief that society (generally) sees emotions as a weakness, so I hold all of my emotions in until I am alone and then let them out ... usually through tears.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?

You know? I don't think I ever have ... hmmmmm ...

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

I am a licker! Wait ... what????

15. Do you like your hair?

Right now? No, because I need a haircut and after living in Las Vegas for over 2 years I still haven't overcome my resistance to going to a new salon/stylist. I've been cutting my own hair, and since I'm an accountant and not a stylist, that hasn't been working out very well.

16. Do you like yourself?

It seems like this question comes up on every single meme. No ... I don't like myself ... and I likely never will.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

Is he paying????

18.What are you listening to right now?

I've got the television on and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is showing. I'm not really watching, but I am listening!

19. Are your parents strict?

Well, being a grownup now, it really doesn't matter, but when I was growing up? Yes, my father was quite strict. When my parents divorced (I was 16) I went wild!

20. Would you go sky diving?

And jump out of a perfectly good plane? Nooooo!! If I want the feeling of skydiving? I'll go HERE!

21. Do you like cottage cheese?

Yes please! Large curd!

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Told this story last week, not telling it again!

23. Do you rent movies often?

Rent movies? Wait ... what???

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?

The picture doesn't show it, but I swear this card is sparkly!

25. How many countries have you visited? 

Let's see ... Canada, Mexico. Japan, Korea ... FOUR!

26. Have you made a prank phone call?

Ummmmm ... y'all know that was a thing back in the day, right?

27. Ever been on a train?

I have been on the Chicago Metra, but I have always wanted to do the Glacier National Park by rail.

28. Brown or white eggs?

Brown please!

29.Do you have a cell-phone? 

Are there people who don't have a cell phone???

30. Do you use chap stick? 

YES!!! The desert is tough on lips.

10 Things Thursday | July Is Finally Over Edition

1. July has always been a transitional month for me - I think it has something to do with it being my birthday month (I've seen the same "disruption" with my son during his birthday month). I'm happy that July is over.
2. Because? VEGAS BABY!!!
   
   
3. My tattoo shop had Taco Tuesday special this week. They offered several flash sheets that you could choose from and all were $50 each. These may have happened ...
   
   
   
   
4. The title of this post in my feed reader - Why I Love Fat Girls - initially made me bristle. I am a fat girl, but I decided to read it anyway. This line, "I am not glorifying obesity or excusing poor lifestyle choices. I am simply advocating the social acceptance of a broader definition of health and beauty—beyond the slim, toned and tanned, thigh-gapped body type we are conditioned to accept and promote," made me tear up. I have tried for many years to be what society has shown me was attractive and appropriate, and it has caused me much grief. Having a moment where I realized that what I thought was expected, and what people really feel, were so different was eye-opening for me. If I could just hold on to that ...
5. On a lighter note, the widow of one of the only sports figures who I have always admired (Muhammad Ali) is selling his home. Yes please!!
6. Ummm ... I'm not sure why you would need this, but you can make it if you feel the need
   
7. Did you know there is an Amazon Warehouse and an Amazon Outlet?? I had no clue.
8. The "People of Walmart" (and other) memes have always irritated me for two reasons (1)These people have not consented to having their photos distributed, and (2) It comes REAL close to bullying. I was thrilled to read this article as it made me realize I'm not the only one.
9. If y'all know me, you know that I have an ongoing love affair with IKEA. They are now testing smaller stores, which ... *swoon*
10. OH!!! And ... 2019 IKEA catalog!!