~*~*~
Karen over at Smiling Through It All had the opportunity to be interviewed by an NYU grad student working on a doctoral thesis about bloggers and the impact the blogging and social networking have on real life social skills (you can read more about her interview [HERE]).
Some of Karen's observations regarding her feelings towards bloggers fascinated me. She mentioned that one of the things she learned about herself is that she has a strong distrust of other bloggers - that she doesn't trust cyber-folk as much as she trusts people from the real world.
Karen asked her readers, "Are people more honest online or in the real world? Do you trust bloggers as much you trust people from your real life?"
Kind of a tricky set of questions for me as trust is a highly coveted, very tangible emotion for me.
I would say there is a lot of gray area here. I know that I have been honest in my blogging (sometimes painfully so), but I also haven't shared every detail of every event. Sometimes that is because I don't feel the detail is relevant, or I am embarrassed about the detail, or even that I am protecting the identity/privacy of the person I'm talking about.
Does that mean I can't be trusted? I don't think so. In fact it might mean that I can be trusted more.
How does this translate to other bloggers? Well, one of my "gifts" (some might call it a highly irritating quirk) is that I pay attention to the details. When I read blogs I gather information. It's a bonus if the blogger also participates in other social media like Twitter. I don't trust bloggers out of the box, but over time - assuming their actions (comments on other blogs, meetings in person, activity on Twitter) match their words (what hey blog about) I trust them every bit, if not more, than their real life counterparts.
Karen also confessed that she views blogging "as a media akin to cheesy reality TV - like The Hills, for example. There is 'truth' in the story line, but it is probably somewhat edited and sometimes even scripted. Basically, in the blogoshpere you only get as much as the other person is willing to share - which is rarely the whole picture. Sure, blogging is entertaining and fun and a great way to exchange ideas and meet new people. But it is also an easy way to live a double life or be the person you wish you were in reality."
Interesting perspective ...
Karen asked, "Do you see other bloggers creating a character for themselves or do you even admit to doing that yourself? Do you think blogging is entertainment or true honest human connection?"
Again, this isn't a yes or no question in my world. Some of the blogs I read are clearly character blogs. Some of them are out there trying to make a living from their writing. Some are just daily diaries of sorts. I feel confident that most of the bloggers I trust are indeed the people they portray themselves as.
What's odd about that statement is that there are bloggers out there that I trust that I don't like. I trust that they are being honest, I trust that they are who they say they are, but I don't like them. For me there is a HUGE difference between trusting and liking. I can trust you and not like you, and I can like you but not trust you. Go figure ...
Karen wrote, "In the real world you can't hide your flaws or quirks. You can't always craft your worlds to present only the you that you want to be. In the real world people can see the whole you and make their own judgments."
I vehemently disagree.
In the real world, people often judge on superficial criteria - height, weight, age, hair color, attractiveness, job status, work industry - the list goes on and on.
In blogging, those superficial criteria become secondary, or even tertiary. They don't matter as much as the content of the person. Unless you are an amazing writer (and honestly, very few bloggers are - I am certainly not), you can only fake content for a finite amount of time. Your true colors eventually come out. I've seen it happen again and again.
The bottom line? I find little difference in how I handle blogging relationships and how I handle my real life relationships. There are times when I hate blogging. There are times when I hate real life. People are people. They'll make you laugh. They'll make you cry. They'll piss you off. They'll inspire you.
I don't have a cyber life and a real life - I just have a life.
Karen over at Smiling Through It All had the opportunity to be interviewed by an NYU grad student working on a doctoral thesis about bloggers and the impact the blogging and social networking have on real life social skills (you can read more about her interview [HERE]).Some of Karen's observations regarding her feelings towards bloggers fascinated me. She mentioned that one of the things she learned about herself is that she has a strong distrust of other bloggers - that she doesn't trust cyber-folk as much as she trusts people from the real world.
Karen asked her readers, "Are people more honest online or in the real world? Do you trust bloggers as much you trust people from your real life?"
Kind of a tricky set of questions for me as trust is a highly coveted, very tangible emotion for me.
I would say there is a lot of gray area here. I know that I have been honest in my blogging (sometimes painfully so), but I also haven't shared every detail of every event. Sometimes that is because I don't feel the detail is relevant, or I am embarrassed about the detail, or even that I am protecting the identity/privacy of the person I'm talking about.
Does that mean I can't be trusted? I don't think so. In fact it might mean that I can be trusted more.
How does this translate to other bloggers? Well, one of my "gifts" (some might call it a highly irritating quirk) is that I pay attention to the details. When I read blogs I gather information. It's a bonus if the blogger also participates in other social media like Twitter. I don't trust bloggers out of the box, but over time - assuming their actions (comments on other blogs, meetings in person, activity on Twitter) match their words (what hey blog about) I trust them every bit, if not more, than their real life counterparts.
Karen also confessed that she views blogging "as a media akin to cheesy reality TV - like The Hills, for example. There is 'truth' in the story line, but it is probably somewhat edited and sometimes even scripted. Basically, in the blogoshpere you only get as much as the other person is willing to share - which is rarely the whole picture. Sure, blogging is entertaining and fun and a great way to exchange ideas and meet new people. But it is also an easy way to live a double life or be the person you wish you were in reality."
Interesting perspective ...
Karen asked, "Do you see other bloggers creating a character for themselves or do you even admit to doing that yourself? Do you think blogging is entertainment or true honest human connection?"
Again, this isn't a yes or no question in my world. Some of the blogs I read are clearly character blogs. Some of them are out there trying to make a living from their writing. Some are just daily diaries of sorts. I feel confident that most of the bloggers I trust are indeed the people they portray themselves as.
What's odd about that statement is that there are bloggers out there that I trust that I don't like. I trust that they are being honest, I trust that they are who they say they are, but I don't like them. For me there is a HUGE difference between trusting and liking. I can trust you and not like you, and I can like you but not trust you. Go figure ...
Karen wrote, "In the real world you can't hide your flaws or quirks. You can't always craft your worlds to present only the you that you want to be. In the real world people can see the whole you and make their own judgments."
I vehemently disagree.
In the real world, people often judge on superficial criteria - height, weight, age, hair color, attractiveness, job status, work industry - the list goes on and on.
In blogging, those superficial criteria become secondary, or even tertiary. They don't matter as much as the content of the person. Unless you are an amazing writer (and honestly, very few bloggers are - I am certainly not), you can only fake content for a finite amount of time. Your true colors eventually come out. I've seen it happen again and again.
The bottom line? I find little difference in how I handle blogging relationships and how I handle my real life relationships. There are times when I hate blogging. There are times when I hate real life. People are people. They'll make you laugh. They'll make you cry. They'll piss you off. They'll inspire you.
I don't have a cyber life and a real life - I just have a life.
~*~*~
15 comments:
I'm with you (as usual). I don't have an online-life and an off-line life. I just have a life. I've found that for the most part the people whom I have met through blogging and what-not have been fairly decent people and much the same off-line as on. :)
I absolutely think I can get a better read about who someone is from real life connections as opposed to those through the computer. I just can't fully trust that which I can't verify on my own. So I take blogging for what it is. I appreciate a funny or moving story though it might be edited or exaggerated for effect.
Also I live the vast majority of my life in the real world, off line. My main connections and relationships are not through the computer. Even if connections were originally sparked through the blogoshpere, those connections will always be limited unless the move to the real world.
When I said that in the real world you can't hide for flaw or quirks - I was referring to that which you call superficial. Those superficial characteristics are part of who we are and they define us (to an extent) and help to define our place in society. When we remove all of those characteristics and portray ourselves as we wish to be seen, it leaves very little to trust. At least in my opinion.
And those questions I posed were questions contained in the survey/interview I participated it. I am really interested to see what those result reveal once the study is complete.
boo, maybe we've been lucky ... or sheltered ... or? I don't know but yeah - I've not had many surprises in blogging. In the hundreds of people I've gotten to know through on-line social media, only one or two have caught me off guard.
Karen, I really am fascinated by how different we see this. When I meet someone in person, WHO they are is clouded by WHAT they are. I want to see into the heart and not be distracted by the Prada bag.
Those superficial characteristics are part of who we are and they define us (to an extent) and help to define our place in society.
Karen, I respect you but OY! This is so foreign to me. I do not define people by what they look like, where they buy their clothes and what they do for a living. To me, that is nothing short of prejudice. I can learn something from EVERY person I meet, and each person I meet has value - equal value. Maybe I live in some fantasy world, but I cannot even begin to imagine the life lessons I'd have missed had I placed people in such nice, neat little boxes and not been open to who they really are.
I do hope you share the results of the study you were part of. It will either confirm my faith in humanity or crush my little world. I hope it's the former and not the latter.
I think a lot of people present themselves differently online than who or what they are in real life. But, the more time you spend online, especially on Twitter and Facebook and stuff like that it becomes easier to see the real person. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's not so good.
I think the worst of these are mommy bloggers. I know, I know. I bitch about them all the time. But, I just don't believe their lives are so damn perfect. Call me skeptical.
And I don't think Karen meant "superficial" in terms of someone's looks or whatever. I think she meant in terms of personality quirks that you don't get from reading their blogs.
Oh and I don't trust anybody. ;-)
Dana - I am not judging anyone by their looks or the bag they carry. Just as I am not judging by the words that the put on the computer screen. It is not about judging at all. That is not the point.
It is naive to think that we don't learn about from seeing the whole package. I did not say that we are defined by our looks, but you can tell something about a person from the way they present themselves that you can never tell from words exchanged on a screen.
For example, I have always thought you can tell tons about a person from the way he/she interacts with a waiter at a restaurant. That would show you something that you would have a really difficult time determining without interacting with someone in reality.
Even this exchange with you proves to me that a person can only know so much about another person from their worlds alone. Actually, I am pretty certain that if you knew me, my quirks and superficial tendencies, you would never draw the conclusion that I am prejudice in anyway.
When we were all little kids one of the funnest things we learned was to pretend. I believe most adults, still play!
I had a much longer comment that I really had to work at but it got sucked away by (error 501) so this all I got.
Jay, I don't read "typical" mommy bloggers, so have no experience to base an opinion on them. And maybe some of this difference in perspective has to do with the fact that - for the most part - the blogs I read don't sprinkle fairy dust on everything.
I am much less outgoing in real life than I appear on the blog. I'm equally as opinionated in real life as I am on the blog, but not as "in your face." My computer acts as an additional layer of protection, making it easier to share the not so good stuff. So maybe you and Karen are right - I just don't see that behavior as a bad (or distrustful) thing.
Karen, ehhhh ... I kind of agree with you. Yes, you can tell something about a person from the way they present themselves, but it's just as easy (IMHO) to misinterpret. For example, a person's behavior in a restaurant may be an indication that they have little exposure to that environment, or it might mean they are a douche. We put a label on that based on our own life experiences and we don't always get it right.
Micky-T, you just like wearing a mu-mu ;)~
What about people who present a different version of themselves on FB or Twitter or whatever. Like, people you know in real life and knew before FB, but present a version of themselves that they WANT to be rather than are. It's just another way to give an impression of how you want people to see you rather than who you are.
I went back and looked at Karen's AQ score. She got a 9. I think she comes at life from a differnt angle than you or I.
And then there was Jay with his low score 'sort of' agreeing with Karen.
But then I agree with Jay's last statement. Even the smily face.
I know people who present an online persona for their exes in hopes that he reads, so I know that it's out there. Usually, those types of people just glare FAKE through the computer screen...much like they do in real life.
But I will say, that 100% of the bloggers that I read, I like and of the ones I've met....they rock.
I personally feel that my blog persona is not that divergent from my offline persona.
I might show my more entertaining side on the blog, but thats because really, would anyone want to read about my grocery list.
My blog persona is completely different than who I am in real life. In real life, I am actually a proud, black woman and not the charismatic white dude I pretend to be on my website.
I will say...one can determine the complete and true essence of a person who blogs if they, over time, take the time to do so. Just as one would do in "real" life. So, I don't find there to be much difference in the two.
Cheers Dana!!
I agree with you on this Dana. I do not see the difference between real life and cyber life as far as those who want to be someone else. You can do it in real life just as easily as cyber life...
I am who I portray on the 'sphere more so than in person I think only because I reveal less in real life. At least I feel more real in blogland. I have trust issues and people issues in general but I trust those few bloggers I've taken the time to befriend. I can't let anyone in too much or I will be hurt but I've let blogland in to my life quite a bit I think. hubs knows how much you all mean to me.
I would not even know where to begin answering this one. This is because sometimes I get confused. Is the real me the guy with the flesh colored make up on or the one with the flesh colored make up...off.
There are days where I can't see the difference.
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