Suicide, Are We Home Yet? Part 3

If you haven't read them yet, here are PART 1 and PART 2

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We signed a 6-month lease the next morning and moved what little we had into the small, 2-bedroom home we were renting. The landlord seemed a little concerned, but the house had been vacant for a number of months and he needed the rental income. We had two mattresses, our clothes, a few linens and basic kitchen utensils – everything else had been pawned or sold for drugs before we left San Diego, or left behind when we skipped out that November night.

We hadn't considered that we would also need money to have our utilities turned on, so the new home was without heat, hot water, gas or a phone. With little brother's income from Perkin's, we were certain we could have the utilities turned on in just a matter of days. Now that we had an actual address, it was also going to be easier for “A” and I to secure jobs.

It wasn't long before I got a waitressing position at the local pub/restaurant. I was only working the lunch shift, but the tips were decent and gave us some much needed cash. One of the perks of my job was getting lunch for free. Since most of our cash was now funding our alcohol use, I was able to bring lunch home each day for the three of us to share. The portions were huge, and even though it was just one meal for the three of us, it took the edge off the hunger. At this point, the alcohol was far more important than food, and no one was giving us alcohol for free.

It was during the first weeks of my new job that we had the first issue with the credit card. I went to the local gas station and filled the truck up with gas, got a few food items from the store and went to the cashier to pay. I gave her the credit card. She looked at the card and informed me that they would no longer accept the card for payment. Not only that, but I owed over $400 in charges that had been declined and charged back to the gas station. I didn't have any cash – none – and at the very least I needed to pay for the gas that I had just put in my truck, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do.

I left the food items on the counter and headed back out to my truck. I knew the clerk was calling the police, but I was out of options. I left, and hid the truck in the back yard of the house we were renting. We had just lost our transportation – this was a small town and the Isuzu truck with the California plates was going to be an easy mark.

When we lost the use of the truck, little brother also lost his job. The Perkin's restaurant was too far for him to to walk, and because of the trouble I was in with the gas station, we couldn't let anyone local know where we lived. I continued working at the pub/restaurant, but the tips weren't covering anything more than beer and a few personal hygiene items. I was stealing food from the restaurant - items that people had ordered but hadn't finished - so that we could eat more than just the meal I was able to bring home "legally." We were still without heat, hot water, gas or a phone.

Rent was due again. There was no way we could pay, nor could I ask another family member for help. We spent that month wrapped in blankets and eating the food that I was able to sneak out of the restaurant. That Christmas Eve, we decided we needed some “normalcy” for the holiday, so after all of the Christmas tree lots closed, we took the truck and stole a Christmas tree. We leaned it up against the living room wall that night and sang drunken Christmas carols. That was about as “normal” as things ever got.

Dispersed through the mayhem, there was a bright moment. I continued applying and interviewing for jobs in the accounting field. One of those applications was at a sports bar - it was a bookkeeping position. I did get the job, but it required quite a commute each day. It was across the border, in Minnesota, so there was less concern about the truck being spotted in Wisconsin, but this was a new restaurant that wouldn't be opening for another 4 weeks. We continued to just get by, as long as we had our alcohol we were happy, but we knew we had to make plans for another late-night skip. I didn't feel good about any of this, but the landlord was looking for rent and we were no closer to having rent money than we were to having the utilities turned on.

During this time, little brother met a girl and was planning on moving in with her. “A” and I were going to finally be on our own, but where that was going to be remained a daunting question. I decided to start looking for places to rent in the twin cities. Maybe, if I fudged the truth a bit (deception was becoming second nature), we could get into a new apartment there.

I found a loft condo for rent in the city. “A” and I went to look at the place and it was perfect. It was a huge step up from where we were and it cut my job commute in half. We talked to the landlord – told him we had just gotten into town and that we would like to start renting the following month. He rented to us based on my pending employment and didn't ask for references. All that we needed to do was stay under the current landlord's radar for a few weeks and we'd get that fresh start once again.

This had to be our much needed break ...