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I received an email from my Dad last week. It was a link to my Aunt's (his sister) obituary. Normally this would be one of those times where y'all would offer condolences ... yadda, yadda,yadaa ... but this? It's different.
See? I never knew my Aunt Caroline. I met her once, when I was 9 or 10. I can't even remember what the event was. A wedding? More likely a funeral. I remember thinking how odd it was to learn that my father had a sister that I had never heard about. That was the first, and only time, I ever had any contact with her. Five minutes.
There was some sort of falling out between my Dad and his sister many years ago. I don't know the story. I'm not sure it matters.
What does matter is that when I read this obituary it brought no emotion. No sadness. No grief. No longing for a little more time. I felt no different than I do reading the anonymous obituaries in my local paper.
I should be grieving.
I should have known her.
The lesson? It isn't that my Dad should have handled things differently. No, the lesson is much more personal than that. I cannot help but see the parallels to Cam's complete lack of knowledge of his father's family - the Aunts, Uncles and half-siblings he's never met.
He should know them.
They should know him.
I owe him that.
She is survived by husband, Louie; son, Gary and wife, Kathy Page; son, David and wife, Roxsell Page; and son, Gordon Page. Also, one brother; one half-sister; cousin, Virginia Anderson; as well as numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Memorial Services will be held at Telford's Chapel of the Valley on Friday, February 11, 2011, at 10:30 a.m. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to Cancer Care of NCW, P.O. Box 2044, Wenatchee, WA 98807-2044. Arrangements are by Telford's Chapel of the Valley, East Wenatchee.
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See? I never knew my Aunt Caroline. I met her once, when I was 9 or 10. I can't even remember what the event was. A wedding? More likely a funeral. I remember thinking how odd it was to learn that my father had a sister that I had never heard about. That was the first, and only time, I ever had any contact with her. Five minutes.
There was some sort of falling out between my Dad and his sister many years ago. I don't know the story. I'm not sure it matters.
What does matter is that when I read this obituary it brought no emotion. No sadness. No grief. No longing for a little more time. I felt no different than I do reading the anonymous obituaries in my local paper.
I should be grieving.
I should have known her.
The lesson? It isn't that my Dad should have handled things differently. No, the lesson is much more personal than that. I cannot help but see the parallels to Cam's complete lack of knowledge of his father's family - the Aunts, Uncles and half-siblings he's never met.
He should know them.
They should know him.
I owe him that.
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Caroline R. Leininger, 73, of Wenatchee, WA, passed into the arms of Jesus on Sunday, February 6, 2011, at Central Washington Hospital. She was born on Christmas Eve of 1937, in Wenatchee. Christmas was her favorite time of the year. Even with her failing health, she labored to decorate the tree to perfection. She spent most of her life in the Wenatchee area, graduating from Wenatchee High School with the class of 1955. She was a member of the National Honor Society and was an accomplished violinist with the orchestra. Caroline had a beautiful singing voice and performed at many weddings, churches and other gatherings. She studied under the voice teacher, Mrs. Christie, of Spokane. She married and had three sons, Gary, David and Gordon.
She married a second time in 1974, to Louie Leininger and they recently celebrated their 33rd Wedding Anniversary. After several years of marriage, she went back to school and studied art, instructed by Bob Graves of Wenatchee and later with Stephen Sei of Moses Lake. She did beautiful oil
paintings, watercolors and pottery. She leaves behind a legacy of beautiful art. Louie and Caroline resided in Moses Lake for 28 years. It was there she became known as Aunt Bee, due to her participation with a local radio station. She spent many hours discussing the Mariners and the Seahawks with Dave Heaverlo, host of the KWIQ sports show. They debated past, present and upcoming games, trades of players, and her opinions were passed along to many other fans.
She married a second time in 1974, to Louie Leininger and they recently celebrated their 33rd Wedding Anniversary. After several years of marriage, she went back to school and studied art, instructed by Bob Graves of Wenatchee and later with Stephen Sei of Moses Lake. She did beautiful oil
paintings, watercolors and pottery. She leaves behind a legacy of beautiful art. Louie and Caroline resided in Moses Lake for 28 years. It was there she became known as Aunt Bee, due to her participation with a local radio station. She spent many hours discussing the Mariners and the Seahawks with Dave Heaverlo, host of the KWIQ sports show. They debated past, present and upcoming games, trades of players, and her opinions were passed along to many other fans.She is survived by husband, Louie; son, Gary and wife, Kathy Page; son, David and wife, Roxsell Page; and son, Gordon Page. Also, one brother; one half-sister; cousin, Virginia Anderson; as well as numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Memorial Services will be held at Telford's Chapel of the Valley on Friday, February 11, 2011, at 10:30 a.m. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to Cancer Care of NCW, P.O. Box 2044, Wenatchee, WA 98807-2044. Arrangements are by Telford's Chapel of the Valley, East Wenatchee.
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11 comments:
Well now you have a mission. Cheers Dana!!
I've worked my entire career in the field of adoptions and while yours is a different story, there are lots of parallels between adoptees being reunited with their birth families and Cam being reunited with his. If you choose to seek them out on his behalf, please be very careful. You love Cam and think he is (mostly) wonderful. People on the receiving end of a phone call or letter don't know or love him and may not be uber-excited to learn of his existence. That could lead to a whole lot of hurt and disappointment for Cam. I think it's a worthwhile project and in all likelihood, one that will yield positive results. I would only suggest caution - and maybe not necessarily making Cam 100% aware of what you are doing until you have some concrete information to offer him.
Just had to leave a comment here... I live and work in Wenatchee! Although I didn't know your aunt, I am familiar some of the people and places mentioned in the obituary. I print for the hospital she died in as well as the funeral home where she was remembered. In fact, the owner of Telford's is a neighbor. Her art teacher (Bob Graves) is the namesake of the the Robert Graves Gallery at the college now. (and yes, we print for them too!)
I don't know how many times my mother has told me that someone in my family that I have only met once, if at all, has died. And most of them lived within an hour of me.
So, what are you going to do to get Cam to meet these people? I hope you push for him to know them, it is so important.
I sort of disagree with you here sweetheart. The only thing you "OWE" Cam is direction.
I feel that he should have the interest. You should let him know that there is a side of the family he does not know about but that is where it ends. Then they need to take the courage, initiative and direction to make contact.
And I feel that it should be mutual. Seeing as that side of the family has not gone out of their way to make contact with Cam is either because they choose not to, or because they don't even know he exists....
It is sad...really, that the initiative in family is all but dead.
Matt-Man, Yes! Yes I do!
Jill, absolutely, and this is one of my greatest fears. I'm not sure if his father's family knows he exists. Our relationship was not a "public" one.
Chris, My father graduated from E Wenatchee High School and I had family in Wenatchee until the late 80's? Most of them have since moved to Spokane. I spent a lot of my growing up years in your neck of the woods!
Jay, Really? Are you trying to tell me - AGAIN - that I'm not special??? ;)
Vinny "Bond" Marini, not sure. First I need to find them. I did have someone who does a lot of ancestry work look up the family for me, so I do have names/locations. I do think, under the circumstances, that caution is going to be key here.
Joker_SATX, in this case I think it's likely his family is not aware that Cam exists. As I mentioned above, our relationship was not a public one. In fact, let me call it what it was - an affair, which makes this even more trick, but Cam has been asking a lot of questions recently.
Time to sit down and map out the family tree with Cam.
Don't feel guilty. Gas up the car and make a few phone calls. And go on a family tour. It's never too late, if you look at the big picture. Good luck.
Agreed...caution is the word, but maybe let him do the reaching out...
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