~*~*~
Once in a while, you just need to get things off your chest, and what better way to do that than to call a passive-aggressive rant "Pearls of Snarky Wisdom"??
*DISCLAIMER* Before anyone becomes convinced that I am talking about them - or has a moment of "pot calling the kettle black" - I've been on the doing end of every single one of these (including the peanut butter and jelly) at one time in my life ... thus the reason they get under my skin.
Once in a while, you just need to get things off your chest, and what better way to do that than to call a passive-aggressive rant "Pearls of Snarky Wisdom"??
*DISCLAIMER* Before anyone becomes convinced that I am talking about them - or has a moment of "pot calling the kettle black" - I've been on the doing end of every single one of these (including the peanut butter and jelly) at one time in my life ... thus the reason they get under my skin.
1. There is no such thing as anonymity in life - not in the "real" world and not in the "cyber" world. You might get away with your shit for a while, but not forever. Being sneaky will always catch up with you.
2. Peanut butter and jelly will never run out at the same time, even if you always use them together.
3. You can justify it as much as you want, *EDIT* but if your significant other doesn't know about it (... Matt-Man) it's still cheating, even if it only happens on Twitter.
4. Never have sex with someone that you wouldn't want to be the mother or father of your child. Drunken hook-ups, friend's with benefits and birth control failures can cost you a lifetime of angst and have far greater repercussions than you can ever imagine.
5. It's always critical to remember that we are all far less important than we think we are - yet at times, far more important than we should be.
6. The small stuff counts, often times more than the big stuff.
7. At 45 you realize just how wrong you were when you thought you had it all figured out at 25, and you've got enough figured out to know at 65 you'll have even more figured out.
8. People might say they want to hear the truth, but they really don't, and if you dare tell them the truth they will devise 26.9 reasons why what you told them is your problem and not theirs.
9. You never really know someone until you've spent a week with them, in a 2-man tent, eating meals with a 20-year shelf life, and without shower facilities.
10. You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. People get comfortable in their situations - good or bad - and few are able to make the drastic moves for real change.
2. Peanut butter and jelly will never run out at the same time, even if you always use them together.
3. You can justify it as much as you want, *EDIT* but if your significant other doesn't know about it (... Matt-Man) it's still cheating, even if it only happens on Twitter.
4. Never have sex with someone that you wouldn't want to be the mother or father of your child. Drunken hook-ups, friend's with benefits and birth control failures can cost you a lifetime of angst and have far greater repercussions than you can ever imagine.
5. It's always critical to remember that we are all far less important than we think we are - yet at times, far more important than we should be.
6. The small stuff counts, often times more than the big stuff.
7. At 45 you realize just how wrong you were when you thought you had it all figured out at 25, and you've got enough figured out to know at 65 you'll have even more figured out.
8. People might say they want to hear the truth, but they really don't, and if you dare tell them the truth they will devise 26.9 reasons why what you told them is your problem and not theirs.
9. You never really know someone until you've spent a week with them, in a 2-man tent, eating meals with a 20-year shelf life, and without shower facilities.
10. You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. People get comfortable in their situations - good or bad - and few are able to make the drastic moves for real change.
~*~*~
23 comments:
As I have said, I almost never put anything online that I wouldn't straight up tell family/friends/authorities.
Worlds always collide.
And as far as being 25 and knowing it all. I sure hope I don't know it all, the rest of my life will be pretty boring.
It is amazing how the peanut butter and jelly do that. But I always have a jar of PB in the house unopened. As soon as I open one, its time to get another.
Kim, I've been questioned on occasion - wouldn't I be ashamed/embarrassed for husband or family to find my blog? And no, I really wouldn't, although I'd have some remorse over the fact that some might be hurt hearing my "truth".
Another Suburban Mom,, I have had to work really diligently at getting Cam to FINISH a jar of jam because he wants to open a new jar every time he opens a jar of peanut butter.
Um. I don't want anyone to be the father of my child. Does that mean I have to live a life of celibacy? ;-)
Holy Shit. If number 3 is true, I've cheated on Schmoop 1,239 times. It's a good thing I was wearing protection. Cheers Dana!!
Ha...Thanks for the edit.
Abso-freakin-lutely. Every one of these is so true. And I've experienced just about all of them.
Karen, honestly? Unless you've taken surgical precautions to insure you won't get pregnant, you should consider the fact that ANYONE you have sex with could be the father of your child!
Matt-Man, *slaps you up along side the head*
Gina, there are times when I wish I could "save" others from the mistakes I've made, and honestly wish I had listened more and justified less 20 years ago.
You always run out of jelly first because it also gets used on biscuits and toast. Peanut Butter is pretty much single functional.
Dana - even after the surgical precautions there is no guarantees. I watched one of those "I didn't know I was pregnant" shows last week where the woman had her tubes tied and the man had a vasectomy. Yet baby mysteriously popped out.
Jay, but we only use jelly and peanut butter together in our house! And it cracked me up that you had a similar item on your list today as I had on mine ;)
Karen, thus my point! I had my tubes LASERED, but have an ultrasound done annually to insure they haven't miraculously grown back together. You are right - surgical sterilization still requires maintenance.
Excellent list Dana...when you finally grow up you realize all that cyber-sex stuff is a waste of valuable time...then again, some people never grow up and need the constant enforcement that they are something special - even if they are not.
11. Don't be TOO GOOD at fantasy baseball.
#snark
Vinny "Bond" Marini, personally? I think Twitter is a passive/aggressive, narcissistic outlet ... which is probably why I enjoy it so much :)
Doc, *gigglesnort* I'd edit your #11 as, Don't play in the Single A minor league when you are a Major League player ... even if you are just trying to fill the league out!
By the time you know everything you'll be dead. But then you can use the information next time around.
What a great list Dana. And so true!
Love the list, Dana. Number 6 is so very true.
We have to buy creamy and crunchy peanut butter here...sheesh.
You do realize that prefacing this with a note about being convinced you're talking about us makes me paranoid that this is about me, right? :-P
I love Jack Nicholson's line, "The truth. You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" or something like that.
So true!
#9 describes my honeymoon and it still didn't give me any insight in to the shit that was to come!
#1....I firmly believe this.
Great list! You mean people know WHO *I* am? lol
Pass the clam cookies.
Post a Comment