The World *Is* a Little Smaller

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I worry ... more than I should some times, and this little snippet of my life has been no exception. I've become quite skilled at, when facing stress, hyper focusing on the stressor, and going through the motions in the rest of my life. It's been two weeks since this all happened and I'm now trying to find a balance.

Cam's phone was returned the following day. Fortunately, with the exception of an unrelated little "issue", it appeared to be clean. Cam may have thought he was playing with the big dogs, but fortunately it seems he was looking for approval more than he was looking to become a career criminal.

I spoke with SGT Jones, albeit briefly, regarding my legal options to keep the 18 year old Things #2 and #3 away from Cam. I learned that there is little that can be done. Unless a minor is abused (sexually or physically) by an adult, the courts will not issue a protective order. My only recourse is to keep a close eye on the situation and attempt to "catch" Things #2 and #3 in some sort of illegal activity. Frustrating to say the least, especially since if I ever find them anywhere near Cam again, it will likely be me that winds up in the middle of illegal activity - assault.

My challenge is to keep an eye on Cam while allowing some bit of freedom. As I mentioned earlier, I downloaded the Chaperone/Child software available through my cell phone carrier. I was able to set child zones - 1/4 mile radius areas where Cam should be (home, school, etc.) as well as areas he shouldn't be (Things #2 and #3's neighborhoods). I receive an alert - via text message and email - any time Cam enters or leaves one of those zones. I can also locate him at any given time via the GPS tracking.

I went through Cam's contacts on his phone. I asked him about each person - dialed each number to verify what he told me - and set password protected controls on his phone that allow him to make and receive calls to and from people on his contact list only. I downloaded the contact manager on his phone so that I can access his contact list from any computer, insuring he has not made changes. I also check his phone and text activity EVERY day and randomly ask him for his phone to view text content as well as to view any pictures he may have sent or received.

I spoke with the principal at the middle school. Heading the PTO may be a serious pain in my ass bring challenges at times, but being active in the middle school has allowed me to develop an excellent relationship with the principal. I gave him the details of what had been going on. The principal has been at the middle school for 17 years - he was quite familiar with Thing #2 and shared some additional insight (it wasn't good).

I checked Cam's schedule to see if he was sharing any classes with Thing #1 (13 year old) - he was not. I had the principal move Cam's locker to the other side of the building, minimizing any potential contact. I told the principal that Cam was NEVER to walk home from school - bus only - and he was to get off only at his stop. The principal has been extremely helpful in all of this.

I'd love to tell you all that this is behind us - that it was nothing more than a little blip in the radar - and maybe some day that will be the case, but it isn't yet. Cam started back to school last week which has been extremely helpful. Between school, football, and church activities, he is busy with "good" stuff. I am approaching this from a different direction than I've traveled in the past. I am not taking away the good stuff, but rather am encouraging the good stuff - filling all of his spare time with good stuff - no matter what the cost (time or money) is to me - as long as he participates fully in the activity. My hope is, that over time, he'll start feeling better about himself and will prefer that positive attention over the negative attention.

Yes, I know ... parenting should have been this way from the start. It wasn't. Once Cam hit middle school I made the assumption that he would do the "right" things, after all, that's what he had been taught. I didn't pay as much attention as I should have - I was too wrapped up in my own wants, needs and dramas. That was a luxury I was taking that I did not deserve. Cam is one of those kids who will always push boundaries - always use his keen sense of logical argument to attempt to justify his actions - both to himself and to me. I must always be alert and aware. It's tiring, but necessary.

I do think Cam and I have a better relationship now. He has seen me make mistakes (big ones) and be publicly accountable for them. Most days, he doesn't like me or the limits I've placed on him. This isn't a popularity contest and I am not bothered by being called "stalker mom," in fact I think it's quite flattering. I continue to remind him that when he shows a history of being responsible within the new limits (months, not days) I will expand them - a bit.

We've been through a lot over the course of the last two weeks. I'll be honest - I am emotionally and physically drained. I know I need to take care of myself but it's just going to have to wait. I'm not exercising, I'm not eating well, and I sleep like I did when Cam was a newborn. I'm not complaining - this is the price for the decisions I made previously - the price to Cam could have been far greater.

Why the picture of Alastor "Mad Eye" Moody (any Harry Potter fans out there)? A year or so ago, a friend of mine who knows both Cam and I quite well, told me that I reminded her of "Mad Eye." At the time, I thought she was nuts, but I now realize just how keen her insight was.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

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