Calm. Serene. Content. Pastoral. As I sit in my cockroach infested flat, staring out the window, these are the words that enter my mind. Not because I can see them or feel them, but because I want them. There is little that can distract me from the smell of borscht cooking in the flat next to me or the sounds of the children upstairs, screaming for their grandmother's attention, but these words are more powerful than the world around me.
It is only when I allow myself the comfort of my thoughts that I can escape this 23-year-old body that defines me as nothing more than an average young man. No limits. No presumptions. Just me.
I think. Scattered thoughts. I ponder what could be. Success? Achievement? Love? Oh, love. Love I long for, the desire to love and to be loved. It seems to be so elusive yet I know that it is something within my grasp. I see that look in the eyes of those that have it. I wonder. Did they just go out and get it or was it with them all of the time?
A leaf blows by my window. I watch it float downward, fluttering side to side, almost as if it is wanting to make a decision but unable to determine which way to fall. My life is very much like that leaf. I wonder what will happen when the leaf hits the ground. Will it just lie there, or will a gust of wind bring it back to life?I study the leaf's journey, almost as if its fate will mirror my own. Slowly it falls, but is suddenly picked up by a gentle breeze just as it grazes the sidewalk. The leaf and the wind carry on an intricate, gentle romance, until I can no longer see their dance.
Without warning, I am jolted back to the reality of my own life. The borscht is being served. I can hear the metallic clank of the spoons on the ceramic bowls next door and the children in the flat above jumping to the beat of their grandmother's melodic accordion.
I get up from my reflective perch at the window and head upstairs to join them. They dance the polka of youth, of love and longing, and I know they will teach me their secrets.
31 comments:
Psst... I have something for you over on my blog.
WooHoo! I may have to wait until Friday to give you proper respect - although I'm tempted to preempt Half Nekkid Thursday for the PEACH!
"The borscht is being served. I can hear the metallic clank of the spoons on the ceramic bowls..."
That's a great line. Please don't preempt HNT...Please? Cheers Dana!!
Great job Dana! I'm still trying to talk myself into posting mine.
Damn girl! That was great!
I agree with Matt-man. I KNOW I shouldn't encourage him...but I can't help myself! :D
Matt-Man, I can't let you be meatless AND half nekkid Thursday-less at the same time. Not to worry!
Anastasia, thank you! Coming from someone who has amazing writing abilities this is quite a compliment.
Leighann, POST THE DAMN THING!!!
RLL, like Matt-Man needs any encouragement!
I did! I did!
That was really outstanding!
I'm glad I suck and didn't do one this month so I don't get humiliated by how great you guys are at this.
Seriously, your story was terrific!
Leighann, yes you did!
Jay, after reading those I have found so far, I'm feeling a bit sucky too ... but maybe that's not a *bad* thing!
Awesome, I got so wrapped up in everything else I totally flaked on doing this, hope we do it again so I can participate.
Now what was it you were so worried about Dana? This is a great story.
I really liked how you took us away from that apartment with distracting thoughts following that leaf in the wind - you pulled that part of so much better than I did.
I see you used the "jump" from the Random picture as well. Damn that picture threw me off for the longest time - I couldn't get it into the story no matter how I tried... until I removed the girl and the beach, and focused on the jump itself ;)
Very well done - and I hope you will take part in the next one too!
Thanks for stopping by my blog and checking my story. I enjoyed yours. What I liked about your take was the sensory experience of it, you draw us into the world with smell, sight, sound and very clearly too. Nicely done.
P, I look forward to reading your interpretations of PFC #2!
R.E.H., this was a fabulous idea. Not only has it enabled me to write in a manner somewhat "foreign" to me, but it has introduced me to many talented bloggers that I had been previously missing.
Maggie, thank you! I don't "do" fiction - it is quite a stretch for me - but I very well may be trying this again.
I'm scrambling to read all of these! I've been waiting anxiously. I had to print a couple that I can read as I make dinner and finish the evening routine -- I'm guiltily spending my time NOT on what I am supposed to be doing -- but, it's soooo worth it!
Great job!
Very good! Some great prose in there... neat concept too!
Another fantastic job! I am really enjoying blog hopping to read all these. They are all so different, yet each one has been entertaining in it's own way.
A fine job!
fiwa
That was so beautiful. So very very beautiful. Wonderful job!!!!
I absolutely loved this:
"The leaf and the wind carry on an intricate, gentle romance, until I can no longer see their dance."
Such wonderful imagery. And putting in first person makes it so personal and intimate. Wonderful job.
The leaf and the wind carry on an intricate, gentle romance, until I can no longer see their dance. Like Newt, that was my favorite line, and the last...just beautiful. Great story! I liked the simplicity of it, you captured such depth.
Farmer's Wife, thanks for stopping by and I am *so* right there with you!
Buff, thank you! I like to write poetry and non-fiction, so this was a weeee bit of a challenge. Maybe you'll join us next month?
Fiwa, that's what I found as I was reading them all as well. Very different interpretations and style, all quite entertaining!
Newt, thank you (I feel like I just keep saying that, but I really mean it!
Kell, I was worried about the first person thing as I was trying to be a "guy" but kind of felt the imagry was a bit feminine. I appreciate your feedback.
Jo, thank you!
I liked your approach with this one. I will give one critique, though. I would have liked it a lot better if it had been one long, continuous paragraph without any of the pictures, or at least if the pictures had been all bunched together at the top or bottom, if you felt you HAD to include them. I like the idea of the thoughts jumping from place to place without any real direction, like stream-of-consciousness, but putting the pictures next to each paragraph they corresponded to made me feel insulted as a reader, as if you were pointing it out to me and saying 'Look dummy! That's what this paragraph is referencing!' Have more faith in your readers. I really loved this piece. But I think it's stronger without the pictures, and I think that is the true test of a good PFC anyway - if you can take out the pictures and still have an outstanding piece, which you would if you took them out. :) Good job, this PFC thing has turned out to be so much fun!!
Em
Em, thank you for the constructive critisism (really!). I wasn't sure what to do with the format and I can see how a reader might be "turned off" by the distraction of the pics. Lesson learned!
Thanks, Dana, for your encouraging words as I deal with whatever it is that is affecting my health.
I liked this a lot, especially the feeling your handling of the leaf gave me.
and the jolt back to reality really brings the story to a wonderful finish.
good stuff ;)
I LOVE this idea, and my oh my you are GOOD at it! Very nice!
I loved the pictures next to the text! I also loved the short story verson to this PFC. I can't write a lick so I'm really impressed with them. You're good. Keep it going. :)
Excellent.
I throughly enjoyed your interpretation. :) Can't wait for the next one.
Nick, positive thoughts continue your way!
Dianne, thank you!
Bina, thank you too!
tt, interesting - you liked the pics. I think I may play with the format a bit next time, but am not sure which way I'll go with it.
G-Man, coming from someone who writes as well as you do that is quite a compliment.
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