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We had an interesting Saturday ... a very interesting Saturday ...
I found out Tuesday that my step-son's college graduation was going to be on Saturday. According to husband, his ex didn't send out graduation announcements to "his" side of the family, nor did she let husband know when graduation was. Of course, there were several other ways husband could have learned about graduation ... like calling his son ... but it was much easier to place blame elsewhere.
Husband asks if we (Cam and I) would like to go. It's about a 2-1/2 hour drive to Peoria from Podunk. The thought of spending an entire day with husband - 5 of those hours in a car without escape - was a bit daunting, but I really did want to be there to celebrate step-son's accomplishment.
Overall, it was a good trip, yet it was clearly a microcosm of the relationship with husband.
We were supposed to meet up at the house at 5:30. At 5:20 husband calls to make sure we are up and will be on time. This is ironic as I am always on time and husband has this thing about demanding everyone be ready at a certain time and then not being ready himself. True to form, we got to the house at 5:32 and husband was on his computer. We left at 5:40.
The trip down consisted of superficial chit-chat about work and things happening in the world.
Husband showed his "generosity" by paying for lunch (9 of us, including husband's ex-wife, ex-MIL and all of the kids) after graduation, all-the-while complaining to me that his ex would expect it.
The trip back culminated in husband making a phone call to his ex, gettingunreasonably pissed off irritated during the conversation, hanging up on her, Calling her the "C" word several times (after hanging up on her) then treating Cam and me with disdain for the remainder of the trip.
In the end? I was grateful Cam and I were headed back to our own home. Had we still been living with husband, the situation would have been one of those where Cam and I paid the price for husband's outrage with his ex. My guess is he took it out on the cats.
I see a day coming when I will accept the fact that husband will never "love me enough" to change and I will love myself enough to know that I deserve better.
We had an interesting Saturday ... a very interesting Saturday ...I found out Tuesday that my step-son's college graduation was going to be on Saturday. According to husband, his ex didn't send out graduation announcements to "his" side of the family, nor did she let husband know when graduation was. Of course, there were several other ways husband could have learned about graduation ... like calling his son ... but it was much easier to place blame elsewhere.
Husband asks if we (Cam and I) would like to go. It's about a 2-1/2 hour drive to Peoria from Podunk. The thought of spending an entire day with husband - 5 of those hours in a car without escape - was a bit daunting, but I really did want to be there to celebrate step-son's accomplishment.
Overall, it was a good trip, yet it was clearly a microcosm of the relationship with husband.
We were supposed to meet up at the house at 5:30. At 5:20 husband calls to make sure we are up and will be on time. This is ironic as I am always on time and husband has this thing about demanding everyone be ready at a certain time and then not being ready himself. True to form, we got to the house at 5:32 and husband was on his computer. We left at 5:40.
The trip down consisted of superficial chit-chat about work and things happening in the world.
Husband showed his "generosity" by paying for lunch (9 of us, including husband's ex-wife, ex-MIL and all of the kids) after graduation, all-the-while complaining to me that his ex would expect it.
The trip back culminated in husband making a phone call to his ex, getting
In the end? I was grateful Cam and I were headed back to our own home. Had we still been living with husband, the situation would have been one of those where Cam and I paid the price for husband's outrage with his ex. My guess is he took it out on the cats.
I see a day coming when I will accept the fact that husband will never "love me enough" to change and I will love myself enough to know that I deserve better.
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10 comments:
You shouldn't torture yourself this way by still continuing to try and be civil. (just my outside and biased opinion)
Eh, just be yourself and let him live with his hate while you remain civil. It will piss you off to no end from time to time, but in the end, you'll be the one who sleeps more soundly every night. Cheers Dana!!
You managed to be the more mature, better person through it all. Of course, we knew you were all along! Hang tough Dana, you're going to come out of this fine, fine, fine.
Walking this bs line between being a family and not has to be hard. Like you I would have wanted to be there for my step-son's graduation, but I might have taking my own car with Cam to avoid the 5 hours of car time.
And for the record, I don't think it has anything to do with him loving you enough. I think it has to do with him not loving himself or him not having basic respect for the people around him. I am sure he does love you - but the only way he knows how.
Yeah, I agree with Karen's comment.
I'm glad you got to go back to your own place too. :-)
Dana, that day has already come and gone. As sad as that may be. Please love yourself and deserve better.
"I see a day coming when I will accept the fact that husband will never "love me enough" to change and I will love myself enough to know that I deserve better."
I think you've already reached that point. You're just fighting it on some emotional level.
Someday we'll all see that in our own lives...
Yeah, I am just glad that you got back to your place....
He sucks!
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