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Back to school ...
Major calendar events like the first day back to school afford the opportunity to reflect - to analyze success or failure of the previous time period - like summer break.
I was dreading Cam's unsupervised time this summer. The events of last summer were still vivid memories. Fortunately, the combination of two weeks of camps, vacationing with a friend for a week, an XBox 360 in the house, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of maturing over the past year,kept Cam out of trouble. In fact, I'd even say he had a very successful summer.
Summer anxiety has now been replaced by school anxiety.
I continually remind myself that I have done a "decent" job of giving Cam the skills he needs to make good choices, while remembering that making choices for him gives him little opportunity to refine those skills. It's difficult to allow Cam the freedom to make bad choices, but I know he needs to feel their wrath, to see what doesn't work, so that he can know better and do better the next time. Cam's return to school - a school he will remain at until he navigates the path of good choices - brings a new set of challenges my way.
Cam's school performance these first two days has been less than "stellar" (I hate that word). How do I know? Well, every day Cam is given a Parent/Teacher Communication Form outlining his day - both positive and negative behavior, effort and academics. Yes, it reeks of the communications used in daycare centers for babies and toddlers, and Cam hates that I know this much about his day, but it holds him accountable and keeps me in the loop. Both good things.
But I worry ... boy do I worry! I worry that Cam is not grasping this school placement as an opportunity to succeed. I worry that Cam will never take his education seriously. I worry that the teachers and the staff at the therapeutic day school will tire of Cam, feeding his distorted expectations of adults in his life (they always give up on him). I worry that Cam's performance and behavior in school negatively reflects on my parenting. I worry that I don't know as much as I think I know about his challenges and what he needs to be successful. I worry that a day will come when I have no longer have the "strength" to keep trudging through the muck.
I worry ... boy do I worry ...
Back to school ...Major calendar events like the first day back to school afford the opportunity to reflect - to analyze success or failure of the previous time period - like summer break.
I was dreading Cam's unsupervised time this summer. The events of last summer were still vivid memories. Fortunately, the combination of two weeks of camps, vacationing with a friend for a week, an XBox 360 in the house, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of maturing over the past year,kept Cam out of trouble. In fact, I'd even say he had a very successful summer.
Summer anxiety has now been replaced by school anxiety.
I continually remind myself that I have done a "decent" job of giving Cam the skills he needs to make good choices, while remembering that making choices for him gives him little opportunity to refine those skills. It's difficult to allow Cam the freedom to make bad choices, but I know he needs to feel their wrath, to see what doesn't work, so that he can know better and do better the next time. Cam's return to school - a school he will remain at until he navigates the path of good choices - brings a new set of challenges my way.
Cam's school performance these first two days has been less than "stellar" (I hate that word). How do I know? Well, every day Cam is given a Parent/Teacher Communication Form outlining his day - both positive and negative behavior, effort and academics. Yes, it reeks of the communications used in daycare centers for babies and toddlers, and Cam hates that I know this much about his day, but it holds him accountable and keeps me in the loop. Both good things.
But I worry ... boy do I worry! I worry that Cam is not grasping this school placement as an opportunity to succeed. I worry that Cam will never take his education seriously. I worry that the teachers and the staff at the therapeutic day school will tire of Cam, feeding his distorted expectations of adults in his life (they always give up on him). I worry that Cam's performance and behavior in school negatively reflects on my parenting. I worry that I don't know as much as I think I know about his challenges and what he needs to be successful. I worry that a day will come when I have no longer have the "strength" to keep trudging through the muck.
I worry ... boy do I worry ...
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7 comments:
Worry is natural. I have to tell you that I think you are doing way better than I would be in your shoes.
The wart in the picture should be a lot bigger. The therapeutic day school should never tire of Cam. That's what they do and that's why they're there.
You are a mom...you have the worry gene...it is something all moms (and dads) are saddled with, so don't make yourself crazy. At some point Cam's light bulb will go off and he will succeed...he has a mom who has guided him properly
You're supposed to worry. You'll never stop worrying about Cam.
The school will not tire of him. They're dealt with way WAY worse I'm sure.
My daughter is 32 and married. I still worry about her. My son, he's 25 and I worry about him. Actually, more than I ever did about my daughter. Something about boys makes the worrying kick into high gear.
The school should be more aware and accepting then standard school. He will also probably be more accepting as time goes on, especially if he gets excited about learning. (Something my son never did.)
I'm sorry I can't say that it gets better. I don't think it does but I think it means your a good mom because you worry.
I started worrying when I tossed the birth control pills and have yet to stop worrying.
I am sure your firm guidance plus maturity will bring good things to Cam.
As a parent, its your job to worry. So, be comforted in the fact that you are doing your job.
Just remember, that Cam has a stake in this too. He has to be constantly reminded that its his life. One day, like it or not, he will not have you. He has to prepare for that day. He needs to start getting things in order now, for that day. Ultimately, its his life.
This is what I try to tell my kids. Morbid I know, but a fact of life nonetheless.
I think you are doing a great job. Now come the years where you need to let him fail...you need to let him fall. I think this is the only way he will learn.
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