~*~*~
One of the leading causes of death amongst teenagers is suicide. The Centers for Disease control report that it is the third leading cause of death, behind accidents and homicide, of people aged 15 to 24. Even more disturbing is the fact that suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for children between the ages of 10 and 14.
Although the CDC does not track attempted teen suicides, other research indicates that there are an estimated 8-25 attempted suicides for each teen suicide death and four out of five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warnings.
This weekend I learned of an attempted suicide, and subsequent hospitalization, of one of Cam's friends. One of the three kids that I transported to the church youth group on Wednesday nights. One of the three kids that I spent four hours with each week last year. It hit me kind of hard.
Katie is a "typical" teenage girl in many ways. She is into fashion, changes her hair color monthly, enjoys the attention of boys, and does fairly well in school.
But she lost her mom to cancer three years ago.
Her dad is a single parent, and in addition to Katie, he has two older children (both high school graduates - one still living at home) and two years ago, took on a fourth child - a 5-year old niece who was removed from her parents' home by child protective services. They live in a nice, single-family home in one of the newest developments in Podunk.
Katie's dad drives a delivery truck at night so that he can spend his days with the kids - getting them off to school - cooking dinner for them at night.
Monday night, when Katie's dad called her down for dinner and she didn't respond, he went upstairs to her room. She was hanging from the clothing rod in her closet - a belt tight around her neck.
Fortunately, his timing was impeccable. She hadn't been there long. He was able to loosen and remove the belt from her neck and immediately took her to the hospital where she was treated for her injuries then was transferred to the psychiatric wing for a 3-day observation.
Listening to the kids talk about the suicide attempt this weekend was disturbing. I heard a lot of "She was just looking for attention," "Katie is a drama queen" and "Katie's just emo." I learned that she is a cutter and has been for quite some time.
I saw Katie at church last night when I was waiting for Cam. In true Katie fashion, she ran to the car, waving and screaming, "Hi mommy!" (she gave me that "title" last year). She opened the passenger side door and sat down to talk to me for a few minutes.
I lost it. The tears started flowing.
In addition to asking how she was, I told her I heard about what happened. I told her that, although I'm not her mom, if she needs some "mommy" time she needs to call me. I asked how her dad was doing and told her that I loved her - no matter how much she might feel like no one does.
It was probably a four-minute conversation, but I hope it's four minutes that will make a difference in her life.
I don't know how to navigate this issue, but I do know that I cannot lose another person in my life to suicide. I do know that her father has got to be beside himself and that (from what I've heard) he could use some support in this situation too.
I don't know what to do, but I do know I must - and will - do something.
One of the leading causes of death amongst teenagers is suicide. The Centers for Disease control report that it is the third leading cause of death, behind accidents and homicide, of people aged 15 to 24. Even more disturbing is the fact that suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for children between the ages of 10 and 14.Although the CDC does not track attempted teen suicides, other research indicates that there are an estimated 8-25 attempted suicides for each teen suicide death and four out of five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warnings.
This weekend I learned of an attempted suicide, and subsequent hospitalization, of one of Cam's friends. One of the three kids that I transported to the church youth group on Wednesday nights. One of the three kids that I spent four hours with each week last year. It hit me kind of hard.
Katie is a "typical" teenage girl in many ways. She is into fashion, changes her hair color monthly, enjoys the attention of boys, and does fairly well in school.
But she lost her mom to cancer three years ago.
Her dad is a single parent, and in addition to Katie, he has two older children (both high school graduates - one still living at home) and two years ago, took on a fourth child - a 5-year old niece who was removed from her parents' home by child protective services. They live in a nice, single-family home in one of the newest developments in Podunk.
Katie's dad drives a delivery truck at night so that he can spend his days with the kids - getting them off to school - cooking dinner for them at night.
Monday night, when Katie's dad called her down for dinner and she didn't respond, he went upstairs to her room. She was hanging from the clothing rod in her closet - a belt tight around her neck.
Fortunately, his timing was impeccable. She hadn't been there long. He was able to loosen and remove the belt from her neck and immediately took her to the hospital where she was treated for her injuries then was transferred to the psychiatric wing for a 3-day observation.
Listening to the kids talk about the suicide attempt this weekend was disturbing. I heard a lot of "She was just looking for attention," "Katie is a drama queen" and "Katie's just emo." I learned that she is a cutter and has been for quite some time.
I saw Katie at church last night when I was waiting for Cam. In true Katie fashion, she ran to the car, waving and screaming, "Hi mommy!" (she gave me that "title" last year). She opened the passenger side door and sat down to talk to me for a few minutes.
I lost it. The tears started flowing.
In addition to asking how she was, I told her I heard about what happened. I told her that, although I'm not her mom, if she needs some "mommy" time she needs to call me. I asked how her dad was doing and told her that I loved her - no matter how much she might feel like no one does.
It was probably a four-minute conversation, but I hope it's four minutes that will make a difference in her life.
I don't know how to navigate this issue, but I do know that I cannot lose another person in my life to suicide. I do know that her father has got to be beside himself and that (from what I've heard) he could use some support in this situation too.
I don't know what to do, but I do know I must - and will - do something.
~*~*~
17 comments:
So sad.
I hate hearing this. I'm so glad you told her what you did. She needs to hear that right now.
You ask what you are to do? I think you offer dad support using an abbreviated version of your own story. Give him the support you wish someone had given to you. That is what I would do if I were you.
Hugs to you, Dana!
~Emmy
There is never one definitive answer but here's one thing you can do. Make sure she takes a daily multi vitamin/mineral suppliment. Buy her the expensive stuff. The cheaper ones use less absorbable ingredients.
http://www.mgwater.com/rod19.shtml
http://ezinearticles.com/?Suicide,-Depression-and-Magnesium-Deficiency&id=4020422
http://www.biologicalpsychiatryjournal.com/article/PII0006322385900769/abstract
Karen, it is sad, on so many levels. From Katie's feelings of worthlessness to the taunting and teasing from her peers.
Emmy, I agree - I need to call Katie's dad. I will admit that it's going to be a terribly difficult call to make, but I need to put my discomfort aside. I'll let him now the offer is out there and allow him to decide if it is something he wants/needs.
Right now, he is probably feeling pretty isolated too!
You have already done much by telling her she can come to you when she needs a 'mommy' to talk with.
I had three people in HS leave us this way and Matt had one friend also take this way out.
You can only talk to Cam about it in a meaningful way and let him know it is not an answer no matter what.
Maybe just knowing that you are available and that you care enough to be there will help her.
It is a very scary thing.
Why don't you tell her your story. I think you are on the right track here. This is a lose, lose issue for everyone right now. I pray that you can turn this negative into a positive for this young lady and her family. I think you are the lady for this job.
Being a Mommy doesn't mean you gave birth to them. Being a Mommy means you can fill in the gaps when Mom can't. What you said to her pry meant more to her than anything else you could have done. She didn't need lecutured,, she didn't need scolding.. she just needed the knowledge that you could sub for Mommy if needed. I think you handled this with grace and class,,
That's just terrible. Thank God he got there in time. I wish there were answers to these problems.
Mike, this is something I'll explore when I talk to her dad. That is a call I need to make ...
Vinny "Bond" Marini, I was taken aback by the lack of empathy on the part of the kids who know her, which in some ways is good - they all think she was foolish - but in some ways? I needed to remind them that no one knows what she really feels.
nitebyrd, I think I'm going to have to take the initiative to keep in contact with her too. I'm not sure she is in a place where she can reach out.
we're doomed, there are times when I wonder why I've been "given" the life I have, and other times when it's pretty clear. I think this one is clear.
The Queen, and I do not take the title of "mommy" lightly. It's a privileged and one I need to live up to!
Jay, I am so bothered by the fact that this was an "acceptable" answer for a 14 year old ... so bothered ...
Dana: Hate it. We had a rash of suicides and attempts in my graduating HS class. Cheers Dana!!
When I was her age I was beside myself with anger and emotions I didn't know how to handle. I was lucky enough to pull myself out of it before I could hurt myself but I had a lot of people recognize that I needed the kind of love and support you provided. Good job. I am sure you have left an impact on her life.
We had a similar situation in our school a couple years ago except the boy actually succeeded at ending it all. It is horribly sad. He was "emo" too and had posted several warnings on my space that he was gonna end it.
But my comments are more for the commenters- Mike...Vitamins??? I don't get that. I've never heard that vitamins aid in mental health. I'll have to check out the link he provided or maybe even get some vitamins myself.
We're Doomed said you should share your story. That is a slippery slope, I mean does Cam know about your past b/c sometimes when we share our weaknesses with our kids they find a way to use that against us later or even use it for an excuse to repeat some of our mistakes. If you tell her that, be prepared for it to get back to Cam.
But all in all the poor dear, I am glad you are around to support her.
For me it is the worst tragedy to have to endure. Because it is just so…preventable. I think that it is usually the bullying that pushes teens over the edge. Our schools need tot implement serious changes to stop this shit in its tracks.
*heartbreaking*
i agree, it's so terribly upsetting and have heard recently that these suicides happen in threes. it is so scary.
beautiful post!
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