~*~*~
So, how many of you saw this secret yesterday and thought, "What kind of mother doesn't miss her child?"
I closed comments for a reason - I wasn't ready to hear the things I thought I might hear. For goodness sakes! What kind of mother sends her kid away for 3 weeks and doesn't miss him? Me.
Parenthood is a strange relationship, made even more strange when a child requires "more than usual" attention and advocacy. That constant care, worry and emotional upheaval takes its toll. Having a break from that - knowing that your child is in an environment where those responsibilities belong to someone else for a short period of time - is a relief. A huge relief.
Of course there is always the possibility you'll get that call - the one from the folks that can quit should things become more than they care to handle. I can't make that call. There are no "life lines" in parenting.
Oh, but that's not what parenthood is supposed to be, is it? As a parent (especially a mother) your child(ren) are supposed to be the priority in your life, and let someone think - even for a second - that they are not, and all hell breaks loose. Judging is always easier than helping.
I'm fairly certain that I get more comments on my parenting posts than I do any other post. People feel an obligation - a calling if you will - to tell you what you're doing wrong. They must save the child(ren).
What? You let your kid have Rice Krispy Treats and Mountain Dew for breakfast? Don't you know how important nutrition is? You don't check the assignment notebook and provide a quiet, TV-free area for your kid to do homework? It will be your fault when they fail! You argue with the teachers, making "unreasonable" demands of their time? Who do you think you are??
Your child is away from home more than he is at home this summer and you don't miss him?? He deserves better than that!
Maybe ... or maybe I'm just human ... doing the best that I know how to do and hoping I don't screw up too bad.
So, how many of you saw this secret yesterday and thought, "What kind of mother doesn't miss her child?"I closed comments for a reason - I wasn't ready to hear the things I thought I might hear. For goodness sakes! What kind of mother sends her kid away for 3 weeks and doesn't miss him? Me.
Parenthood is a strange relationship, made even more strange when a child requires "more than usual" attention and advocacy. That constant care, worry and emotional upheaval takes its toll. Having a break from that - knowing that your child is in an environment where those responsibilities belong to someone else for a short period of time - is a relief. A huge relief.
Of course there is always the possibility you'll get that call - the one from the folks that can quit should things become more than they care to handle. I can't make that call. There are no "life lines" in parenting.
Oh, but that's not what parenthood is supposed to be, is it? As a parent (especially a mother) your child(ren) are supposed to be the priority in your life, and let someone think - even for a second - that they are not, and all hell breaks loose. Judging is always easier than helping.
I'm fairly certain that I get more comments on my parenting posts than I do any other post. People feel an obligation - a calling if you will - to tell you what you're doing wrong. They must save the child(ren).
What? You let your kid have Rice Krispy Treats and Mountain Dew for breakfast? Don't you know how important nutrition is? You don't check the assignment notebook and provide a quiet, TV-free area for your kid to do homework? It will be your fault when they fail! You argue with the teachers, making "unreasonable" demands of their time? Who do you think you are??
Your child is away from home more than he is at home this summer and you don't miss him?? He deserves better than that!
Maybe ... or maybe I'm just human ... doing the best that I know how to do and hoping I don't screw up too bad.
~*~*~
24 comments:
Hahaha! I guess I was thinking, "good for you!" Though I'm not a mom. From the little I know of you, things have been stressful. A break is good for everyone. I'm not exactly sure my parents missed us, when we went off on summer adventures, either!
Veronica and I welcome little breaks from our kids, I think it's necessary for us to have some alone time, whether it's a date night or a long weekend away while the kids are with a grandparent.
Not missing Cam doesn't mean not loving him.
When we kids 'round here during the summer, we were outside from dawn to dusk playing everyday. I don't think any of our moms and dads missed us. Cheers Dana!!
I can relate to this in so many ways. I used to say I was missing a Mom gene, because I got so much flack from folks I thought were friends. Turns out I'm not missing anything, and no longer consider that crowd friends. My sister says she loves her (grown) kids better in a different zip code. All though my kids aren't quite grown, they are plenty old enough to manage on their own. We are all a little happier when they are busy with their things.
Hubman's right. We're better parents when we have time on our own. And they are better kids when they have time away from us, too.
These mommy bloggers who send their precious little snowflakes off to the grandparents or bible school or whatever for the summer and claim to cry everyday cause they miss them so much are full of it. Hell, I bet their tweets saying things like "missing my children so much this morning. Thinking of calling them, but that would just make it worse." or whatever are probably pre-set tweets.
You are being way to hard on yourself! How many parents send their kids away ALL summer for camp? Or to boarding school so they can live their lives without the difficulty of kids? Or have nannies raise their kids?
There is nothing to be ashamed of is wanting some time for yourself!
Curvy Jones, I have no doubt Cam enjoyed the break from me every bit as much as I enjoyed the break from him! said...
Hubman, I think I need to find a way to find more of this time on a regular basis. Summer time just isn't enough.
Matt-Man, Shoot! With 9(?) kids in the house, your parents probably didn't even notice when one was missing :)
better late than never, I just kept thinking, "I should be ready to have Cam back" but in all honesty, I wasn't. He *is* back and I am back to my regularly scheduled life, but I did enjoy MY summer this year.
Jay, that's it! I need to find the "Missing my teen" auto-tweeter!
Karen, I might agree with you that I can be too hard on myself, but then I'd have to admit that sending Cam to summer camp for three months would be my dream summer!
I bet you have "missed" him. May be a pang here or pang there, but you have not gotten to the "I need my baby home soon" level. You are maturing as a parent, just as Cam is maturing as a child. He needs to be able to go places and you need to be able to let him go.
Eh. I didn't think it was bad at all. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
The empty nest syndrome is a GOOD thing.
HOW DARE YOU!!!
No, you know I totally agree with you dear. You are not obligated to miss your child when you have sent them off someplace special, so that they can grown and mature...
Anyone who say you should miss them is a total freakin liar
~~ So, how many of you saw this secret yesterday and thought, "What kind of mother doesn't miss her child?" ~~
Uh, not me.
When the older kids aren't here, sometimes I get that - Oh, they would get a kick out of... - but miss them? Nah. Their attitudes take care of that for me. Heh.
Seriously, you are doing fine as a parent. Give yourself a break. :)
peace...
Every parent needs a break once in a while. I think you deserved a break and the time was now.
You are a solo parent. Your Sunday secret did not surprise me. Not because I think you are a bad parent, but because being a full-time care giver is hard. You have challenges many do not. I think of everything you have had to deal with this past year, and you deserved the breaks you got this summer. And you earned the right to enjoy them. Anyone who thinks less of you should have their head examined, IMO. As a child rearing expert once wrote, if mom isn't happy, no one will be happy. It's about time you are happy as it will make things better in the long run. :)
I am glad you got so much support on this one. I was expecting your trolls to come out on this one.
But I also believe that some alone time is a very very good thing.
Professor Fate, no pangs. Sure, there were times when I thought, "I hope he's staying out of trouble" and "Please don't call me to pick him up early" but never a pang!
Gina, in my case, distance makes the emotions heal :)
Mike, I have no doubt I will enjoy the time when I can worry about Cam but know that I've done the best I can to equip him with the skills to make good choices!
Vinny "Bond" Marini, I think I grew and maured at least as much as he did this summer.
theybelongtous, I know that some people get those wonderful teens - the ones who never have attitudes and always do their chores - but I didn't get one of those.
we're doomed, I don't know about deserved a break, but I certainly needed one!
Emmy, the breaks were much needed and will - hopefully - re-energize me for the school year that is about to start.
Another Suburban Mom, like you, I was a bit surprised. I know I have a few readers who aren't parents or are parents of toddlers, and I thought my feelings might strike them as unacceptable. To say I'm a little surprised by the lack of negativity would be an understatement.
ya'll boogers are way to smart for me -shucks, you say it all the time.
Please..I usually miss mine about 2 or 3 days in and then am so excited to see them when they come back home. Then about 1 hour later, if that, I wish they'd leave again.
I could have sworn I already posted a comment, I hate to let the troll haters down on this but I do not see a damn thing wrong with not missing your child and enjoying a little freedom from your parenting duties. Not missing your child does not mean you don't love him and all single parents deserve a break every now and then. I love my empty nest and I love my kids and I really love just being able to pick and choose how often I want to see them :) I am sorry for the delayed response, I am really behind on my reading, shoot for all I know Schmoop didn't kick Matt out afterall and they had drunken make up sex again, ooooh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little over that thought. Enjoy your mini break from parenting!
Single parents have the toughest job in the world, and need that vital break in order to keep sane and stable for their kids, if not for themselves.
Seeing as how I no longer have my kids full time, I am starting to get that sanity back. However, I'd trade it all back in a heartbeat if it meant I could deal with the whirlwind disasters that are the spawn of my loins.
Not missing them doesn't mean you don't care, it means that you really needed the break!
I suppose I would understand people giving you some crap if your kid was three but even then you still need a break. Give yourself some credit. We all understand.
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