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**I've deactivated - and deleted - anonymous comments as there seems to be some sort of high-school pay-back antics going on in the comment section and I'm just not even going to entertain this crap on my blog - not now - not again**
Tuesday morning started off well. Cam seemed to have settled down a bit, realizing that the constraints I was placing on him were "reasonable" although a bit more strict than he would like.
I also had the opportunity to speak with Thing #1's mother. As Thing #1 (13 yo) has been a friend of Cam's for a while, this was not the first time (fortunately) that we had a conversation. I explained to her why I called - that I was concerned that Cam And Thing #1 were making some very poor decisions when they were together. I went out of my way to not place blame on anyone.
She told me she was experiencing much of the same behavior from Thing #1, then she shared a story with me regarding a 3rd "friend" (we'll call him Thing #3). The story was that Cam and Thing #1 were "coerced" by Thing #3 to break into Thing #2's house. Cam acted as lookout while Thing #1 went into the house looking for two MP3 players, and some pot that Thing #3 claimed belonged to him.
What is interesting is that I overheard a panicked phone call from Thing #1 (to Cam) on Sunday regarding the theft of the MP3 player and threats of the police being called. Things were starting to go from "feeling" wrong, to being wrong.
I thanked Thing #1's mother for sharing the information and informed her that if I found her son at my home again, without an adult in the house, I would call the police. Thing #1 has two older siblings who have been in trouble with the police - Thing #1's mother begged me to not involve them. I told her I wouldn't, as long as Thing #1 stayed away.
I was crushed by the information regarding Cam's involvement in the home break-in. I cannot even put into words the devastation I felt. I was struggling with Cam's decision to be a part of something like that, my motherly instincts that wanted to protect him, and knowing that the "right" thing to do was to report the crime. I had HUGE conflict, but knew that doing nothing was the absolute worse example I could set for Cam. Doing nothing is what got us where we were at that very moment.
I stopped at the house after speaking with Thing #1's mother and confronted Cam. He admitted he had been a part of the home break-in. I left Cam at home and stopped at the police station on my way back to work.
I spoke with SGT Jones. I talked to him about what I suspected, and what I knew. I learned from him that Thing #2 was NOT a 16 year old local boy, but an 18 year old local "man" currently on probation for drug related offenses. I learned that Thing #3 was an 18 year old "man" as well and had a history of police contact through one of the neighboring towns. I also learned that there had been many "mischievous" crimes occurring in town - mailboxes knocked down and/or vandalized, yard ornaments being moved from one house to another in the middle of the night - and that Thing #2 (18 yo) was a suspect in the crimes. Cam was now guilty by - at the very least - association, and possibly just plain guilty.
SGT Jones agreed to meet me at the police station at 3:00 PM. I agreed to bring Cam in to discuss not only the home break-in, but these other "mischievous" crimes as well.
An hour later, I was calling SGT Jones to my house. It was only 12:00 noon.
**I've deactivated - and deleted - anonymous comments as there seems to be some sort of high-school pay-back antics going on in the comment section and I'm just not even going to entertain this crap on my blog - not now - not again**
Tuesday morning started off well. Cam seemed to have settled down a bit, realizing that the constraints I was placing on him were "reasonable" although a bit more strict than he would like.I also had the opportunity to speak with Thing #1's mother. As Thing #1 (13 yo) has been a friend of Cam's for a while, this was not the first time (fortunately) that we had a conversation. I explained to her why I called - that I was concerned that Cam And Thing #1 were making some very poor decisions when they were together. I went out of my way to not place blame on anyone.
She told me she was experiencing much of the same behavior from Thing #1, then she shared a story with me regarding a 3rd "friend" (we'll call him Thing #3). The story was that Cam and Thing #1 were "coerced" by Thing #3 to break into Thing #2's house. Cam acted as lookout while Thing #1 went into the house looking for two MP3 players, and some pot that Thing #3 claimed belonged to him.
What is interesting is that I overheard a panicked phone call from Thing #1 (to Cam) on Sunday regarding the theft of the MP3 player and threats of the police being called. Things were starting to go from "feeling" wrong, to being wrong.
I thanked Thing #1's mother for sharing the information and informed her that if I found her son at my home again, without an adult in the house, I would call the police. Thing #1 has two older siblings who have been in trouble with the police - Thing #1's mother begged me to not involve them. I told her I wouldn't, as long as Thing #1 stayed away.
I was crushed by the information regarding Cam's involvement in the home break-in. I cannot even put into words the devastation I felt. I was struggling with Cam's decision to be a part of something like that, my motherly instincts that wanted to protect him, and knowing that the "right" thing to do was to report the crime. I had HUGE conflict, but knew that doing nothing was the absolute worse example I could set for Cam. Doing nothing is what got us where we were at that very moment.
I stopped at the house after speaking with Thing #1's mother and confronted Cam. He admitted he had been a part of the home break-in. I left Cam at home and stopped at the police station on my way back to work.
I spoke with SGT Jones. I talked to him about what I suspected, and what I knew. I learned from him that Thing #2 was NOT a 16 year old local boy, but an 18 year old local "man" currently on probation for drug related offenses. I learned that Thing #3 was an 18 year old "man" as well and had a history of police contact through one of the neighboring towns. I also learned that there had been many "mischievous" crimes occurring in town - mailboxes knocked down and/or vandalized, yard ornaments being moved from one house to another in the middle of the night - and that Thing #2 (18 yo) was a suspect in the crimes. Cam was now guilty by - at the very least - association, and possibly just plain guilty.
SGT Jones agreed to meet me at the police station at 3:00 PM. I agreed to bring Cam in to discuss not only the home break-in, but these other "mischievous" crimes as well.
An hour later, I was calling SGT Jones to my house. It was only 12:00 noon.
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32 comments:
Oh man, and so it begins.
I think you are doing the right things. I think that your outlook on it is dead on.
Wow...there are alot of "Things" going on. If only the moving of lawn ornaments from one yard to another had been the only crime, this wouldn't be a unwelcome episode in your life, because frankly, that's kinda funny. Cheers!!
Jeez. I am sending you a big hug! I hope that you all will get to the other side of this with your sanity intact.
It's interesting that you feel the need to do the "right" thing now and set a good example but when Cam previously was the victim you were not able to do the "right" thing then and let hubby have his consequences. I wonder what sort of mixed message this gives Cam.
Ok. Dana, not that I am judging you at you all, but after the first day when you said you found pot in the washer, I thought to myself, "Seriously, involve the police over a little pot?" Now I understand WAY better. You are apparently much stronger thank I was giving you credit for. You went through A LOT.
I'm so sorry. I've been down this road with my son, and it's heart-breaking at the very least. I believe you're doing the right thing, as you well know. I'm only sorry you have to endure this reality with your child as it isn't the kind of warm fuzzies we imagine when we procreate.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. With the involvement of the police, perhaps Cam will be "scared straight".....
Joker_SATX, I hope it's "right" this time as it's not been "right" before!
Matt-Man, I've got THINGS everywhere, and they aren't what they appear to be!
Another Suburban Mom, I'd be willing to lose my sanity for the safety of Cam!
snugs, yes! Please! Throw past "wrongs" at me again and again because we all know that I have this magical time machine that allows me to go back and correct my errors! You're just jealous that I refuse to use it.
Since you can't seem to erase the bookmark for my blog, I know you'll get to the part of this story that will make this comment look extremely foolish. Trouble is, you'll just find something else to beat to death.
Karen, I was dealing with the pot from just a parenting perspective, but when it became clear this was a whole lot of "little" things that made up one BIG problem, it was time to get all the help I could.
Marsha, heartbreaking, devastating and overwhelming. It would be so much easier to just slap him on the hand and go about my merry way until he turns 18 and becomes someone else's problem ... but that is not why I became a parent.
Can I just say Snugs is a bitch?
...........
Sorry your going through this, being a mother is the hardest job in the world and the most unappreciated.
We were always bastards when it came to who our kids hung around with- knew their parents, etc... Still didn't mean those kids didn't pull stuff at the same age...Always remember the difference between a bad kid and a good kid- the good kid didn't get caught. Old saying I have used a lot- Hang around with a kid slower than you- he is always the last one over the fence...
Evil Twin's Wife, let's hope so!
tjames, in snugs defense (*gasp* Did I really say that?) although I believe her comments are intentionally spiteful, hurtful and motivated by a great deal of pettiness, they are hers - and they show this little piece of the internet what she is all about. I kind of like that!
buffalodick, here's a surprise ... NOT! I wanted to give Cam's friends the benefit of the doubt just as I would want other parents to give Cam the benefit of the doubt, however I can now see where that went terribly wrong.
There should be more moms like you in the world. :) Your love and caring always show through.
Sounds like you're on the right track for getting Cam on the right track.
Snugs: Get a clue. We're not perfect, and as humans we make mistakes.
If you were HALF of the woman that Dana is, you'd see that even though you don't "parade around" your trials as she does, that you're not infallable, and I'm pretty sure that most of the crap you're pulling on her blog here aren't the best uses of YOUR time.
Dana: It takes a VERY strong parent to be willing to make their kids face the consequences of their actions. Yes, it sucks, and yes, it really kind of knocks the wind out of us like a cheap sucker-punch. But the parents that are worth their salt are the ones who teach the kids early on about cause and effect. Those kids end up being some of the best kids to be around. (in my opinion, of course)
Let's go see what kind of trouble I can stir up now.. Shall we??
HOORAH for you to continue to do the correct thing. The 'hate' you might be feeling from your son will be replaced by love once he wakes up and grows up...stay strong Dana
Real Live Lesbian, although I love him dearly, I've certainly made my share of mistakes, most of which are the cause of where we are now. I'm not perfect by any means, but I really do try to get better at this parenting thing.
Jormengrund, I think in the past I was a little "off" in my cause/effect stance - I was working too hard at trying to "make up" for the "inequities" in Cam's life rather than forcing him to deal with them head-on. There is a fine line between enabling and protecting.
Bond, we've downgraded from hate to "irritation and stalking" according to Cam. That's fine - at least I'm not wallowing in ignorance and denial any longer.
Sighs. That just sucks...to learn about something else that your own son didn't tell you.
You're doing a great job, Dana, in how you are approaching this one. There will be missteps along the way, but your approach is a good one, IMO. This is a big deal - a huge lesson in cause-and-effect. And, better to do this now than later when it is too late.
Adding in my hugs to you!!
In my opinion, you have so far, done the right things. BRAVO!!!
{{{{hugs}}}}
(I wish snugs had better stuff to do with her time, her nastiness is very distracting and unnecessary )
It sounds like you are making very level headed decisions and taking the right approach in getting a handle on things.
*hugs*
Oh and Snugs...PLEASE keep commenting here, so we can all have our daily laugh over your being so freakin perfect in your life and all...
Yes, I am a bitch, self admitted too. I look forward to the rest of the story to see how foolish my comment is, you are giving me hope that you might have kicked hubby out on his ass. It was an honest observation, I firmly believe in
2nd chances and wondered why Hubby was given one and not Cam, is that really nasty or cruel? How does that make me "freakin perfect". J-grund better watch out, my mis use of time and doggy's immaturity must be extremely contagious.
Well, the neighborhood where I grew up, you didn't "rat out" your buddies- you took the fall. I am not condoning bad behavior, or breaking the law, but risk nothing- and you usually get nothing. Your kid is at the hardest age a human ever gets to be. Best advice I got when raising my young boys was from a guy with teenagers... "Don't teach them to do what they are told, teach them to think for themselves- and let them know there will be results from their decisions, bad or good"..
Don't you wish that life could be simple and without issues?
Yeah, my eldest is no stranger to the cops unfortunately. I had to call them one time myself on him. That was the beginning of an 18 month period where we didn't speak (he lived with his mom). I am glad to say that they eventually get over it and come to their senses.
Good luck, I'll be sending you the positive waves!!
Oi. What a crappy position for you to be in.
Dana,
Just getting caught up on your posts, and am sitting here applauding your wonderful strength and resolve. Be sure to take care of you (food, sleep, etc.). Right now it seems like this will never get better but change is a constant.
/v
Nolens Volens, it was the first of many revelations.
Emmy, only time will tell if I'm doing a great job, but I knew that what I had been doing wasn't working and in this case, the price was too great to let it go unchanged.
Bina, one of the many challenges in this is keeping up with it - day in and day out. It is exhausting emotionally, mentally and physically, but it's my responsibility to Cam.
Vixen, I am doing my best to get a handle on things, but sometimes when you let them spiral out of control for that long it's difficult to get a firm grip.
buffalodick, that is part of what we are dealing with - 18 yo's who have convinced 13 yo's that they won't get in trouble so they need to take the fall. Makes me want to strangle someone!
we're doomed, I suppose it is these moments that really give one the opportunity to grow - to make a difference - but that doesn't make them fun!
g-man, as I said in the beginning, I know some of this is "normal" teen stuff, my biggest concern is raising one of the kids who makes it through the "normal" stuff relatively unscathed versus visiting my 18 yo son in prison. I don't know what makes the difference between the two, and that terrifies me.
Aunt Becky, this was one of those moments where I was glad Cam is an only child!
Volly, I have been getting food (too much) and sleep (too little) and reminding myself that I do no one any good if I'm not functioning well. That damn balance is difficult to find.
Oh
My
F'ng
God.
My first questions are; why are two 18 year olds hanging out with a 13 year old?
(I haven't read ahead in your blog so if you've already answered these questions please forgive me).
Where in the hell did Cam meet these clowns?
Also, Cam is old enough to know right from wrong but if I am not mistaken, he is neglecting to put 2 and 2 together regarding what the ramifications are for his behavior.
My heart goes out to you Dana...xoxo
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