As I was writing my dining room table post yesterday, I realized two things:
1. I keep things visible that remind me of my failures daily, and
2. My life is very much like my dining room - it looks put together and pristine on the outside, but the chaos lies just below the surface.
22 comments:
"Keeping up appearances" is what people should do sometimes... I'm a "Wear it on your sleeve" kind of guy, but it does not always work in your favor- trust me, I know! Show strength, when you feel weakness, never let some prick find a lever to use against you, and when you share your intimate thoughts- be sure it's with someone worthy of them...
Goddangit!
I wanted to be first!
shit
I checked
nuttin
checked back
second
damn
everyones life is like that.
Buff, keeping up appearances takes a lot of my energy and I can't help but think there is value in just being me!
SS, I don't want to be like everyone else!
My life used to be a big happy facade, but then I said, "Fuck It". I lay it all out on the table anymore. Cheers Dana!!
my life is like the junk drawer...basically - full of junk...
Matt-Man, I think it just might be "Fuck it" time for me!
DB, the real question is, is the junk drawer open or closed??
I keep everything in and hidden so that everything looks okay too. It takes a lot of effort though and probably isn't worth it.
What a balancing act we tend to perform. I know why some eighty year old people seem so cranky. They've finally reached the point where they don't give a crap about what other people feel and just let it all hang out.
Interesting... maybe some of us keep things neat around us, to hide the chaos inside?
"I keep things visible that remind me of my failures daily"
You are way to hard on yourself, Dana. You shouldn't be.
I kept my life like that for a long time - but the cracks eventually started to show and it was horrible when people found out that I was human. Then a great thing happened....people loved me anyway.
I agree with Jeff, it's a balance of what we'll let other people see in us, and what we keep to ourselves. But at the same time we might wonder [or worry] how other people see us. It's all bullshit, and any 80 yr. old will tell you it's not worth shit in a handbasket what other people think. Live for YOU, and share it if you want to.
Now if I could just stop wondering if I said to much, or does it sound...dumb!
I'm more curious about the chaos just below. I'll bet your basement reflects the real you much better! I think I'd prefer that side of you much more!
Jay, sometimes I think chaos would be a far better place to live!
Jeff, here's to hitting the 80 mark!
R.E.H., I have always *known* that I try to control chaos with order, but that it really just does nothing more than hide what is always there.
Corky, you are right. All that I can say is that I understand why I am and I'm working on changing it. I'm quick to give praise to others, but never quite worthy of giving any to myself.
Karen, my concern is that people don't love me now - what will happen if I don't strive for perfection??
Micky, sometimes it's easier to give opinions than it is to actually take action on our own, isn't it? *wink*
Os, I have no doubt that *I* would enjoy that side of me much more!
Dana-I bet more people love you than you know, they just don't tell you. I totally understand, I have felt that way most of my life. But hell, you're 43! Go with Matt-man and say "Fuck It". One of the best things I did was move across the country from my Mother and it got my out from under her thumb. I finally feel like an adult in control of her own life!
Apple Pie, logically I know you are right, but I really need to start believing it - especially when they do say it!
I've always put on a strong front - recently I've been working on asking for what I want, telling people what I need. It's scary at first and their reactions are sometimes negative but as time goes on I discover that I'm becoming more "me" and they're feeling more comfortable with it, many times they actually prefer it.
baby steps :)
My life is like a welcome matt. I try to be accomodating but I ultimately get stepped on.
Dianne, I often times become extremely frustrated with the S-L-O-W process of change. I just want to be "perfect" right now!
Mt Cat, there seems to be a fine line between compromise and exploitation, doesn't there?
always insightful and thoughtful!
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