Why HNT?

I've been doing a little thinking the past few days about HNT and why I do it, and I thought I'd bare a little more than my body and share a long, boring story little insight with all of you!

Yesterday, as I was making my HNT rounds, I came across several bloggers who were making public announcements regarding the fact that they were no longer participating in HNT. Their stories were varied - some felt whatever they were getting from HNT was no longer there for them, some were concerned about being "discovered" - my guess is that the reasons for not participating in HNT are just as numbered as the reasons for participating in HNT. As we all know, blogs are individuals, in every sense of the word. Our alter egos personalities ooze into what we write and what we write about. I suspect HNT is no different.

Seeing people leaving the ranks of HNT, seeing a recent influx of *new* HNT-ers on several of the blogs I regularly read, and reading a recent post written by the HNT master, Osbasso, (you can find his post [HERE]) got me thinking about why I did my first HNT and what I hope to get out of continuing with HNT.

In a single word, VALIDATION.

For me, it really is about validating the woman that I am. For those of you who are married with kids, you know that you become so-and-so's mom (or dad), or so-and-so's wife (or husband). It is the strangest thing and it hits without warning. Even having a career outside of the home doesn't seem to make one exempt from the process. Somehow - and almost instantaneously - we become the object of someone else’s possession.

In my life, this has been compounded by surrounding myself with people who talk about the virtues of others while never seldom expressing any admiration for my virtues, coupled with battling significant weight issues for 30+ years. It has landed me in a place where self-doubt and self-loathing of my physical appearance are commonplace.

I know, this is starting to sound like one of those pity-party posts, and before I lead you too far down that road, know that HNT - and all of you - have put me in a place where I can start to change that way of thinking. What you don't know about my weekly HNT post is that each and every week I have somewhat of a panic attack moment of perpetual deliberation prior to posting a pic. That damn little voice in my head asks, "Will it be offensive?", "Will the compliments I receive seem forced?", "Will people be thinking, 'That old woman needs to put some clothes on!'?" You'd think, after seven weeks of positive feedback, it would get easier, but it has been a terribly slow process.

HNT has been, and hopefully will continue to be, validation of my womanhood if you will. Validation that although a 20-year old body is quite a beautiful thing, a 43-year old body can be just as beautiful. Validation that sexy comes in all shapes, sizes and ages, and is far more about attitude than genetics. Validation that, at some level, we all deal with self-doubt. Validation that I am OK fabulous, just as I am, imperfections and all!