The Fence is Crumbling Under the Weight

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I need some unbiased opinions (some of you will need to work with me on that one) on a situation that occurred this morning. What I'm looking for is some kind of idea if what I believe to be an unreasonable reaction is - indeed - unreasonable. First, a little bit of background ...

There has always been an issue in our home surrounding how early I set my alarm (4:15AM). In reality, I do not need to get up until 5:15AM - I could get up at that time, do my morning chores - get myself ready and still get out the door on time. Husband doesn't need to wake up until 5:30AM.

Now, the reason I get up so early is so that I have an hour to watch the news, check my email, read blogs and update mine. It's certainly not necessary, but I enjoy that hour of quiet time, sipping my coffee all alone. The problem? Sometimes (usually not more than once/week) I hit the snooze when the alarm sounds at 4:15. This wakes husband up and he is not able to get his last hour of sleep.

This morning I hit the snooze. When the alarm sounded again at 4:24, husband yelled, "Dana, you [insert really nasty, multiple word, expletive], get out of the f*&%ing bed!" It went downhill from there. As I was leaving the room I said (didn't yell - I swear), "All of the things I do for you and you want to bitch about the alarm clock." Now, just what is it I do for him (thanks Fairy Flutters for this idea)?

• Each morning I wake him up at 5:30. I give him a short back rub and whisper, "Good Morning." I also leave a glass of water and his daily medication on the bedside table.
• When he gets in the shower at 6:00, I make the bed and place a cup of coffee on the bedside table for him to drink when he gets out of the shower.
• I make dinner and clean the kitchen every week night (and most weekends).
• I do all of the grocery shopping, including unloading the groceries from the car and putting them all away.
• I do all of the laundry, including picking up his dirty clothes, folding his clean clothes and putting his clean clothes away.
• I take his work clothes to the cleaners once/week and pick them up, hanging them in his closet.
• I clean the house - vacuum, dust, bathrooms, floors - once each week.
• I clean the cat litter box and feed the cats daily.
• I handle all banking responsibilities, from paying bills to making deposits.
• I make the morning phone call to Cam to make sure he is out of bed and ready to catch the bus.
• I supervise Cam's homework daily.
• I make all phone calls for husband's appointments (hair cut, dentist, etc.).
• I keep the family calendar updated with all family obligations, including those of my step-daughter and step-son.
• I take out the trash and any yard waste (grass clippings etc.) each week, bringing the trash receptacles back in at the end of the day.
• AND I work a full-time job, am PTO President and go to the gym at least 3x/week.

Now, if I stewed on this a bit more, I have no doubt I could come up with even more things that I do to keep the family running efficiently. Don't get me wrong - none of these things have ever been demanded of me. I do them because making my family happy - taking care of them and doing these things for them - makes me happy. I don't expect anything in return other than a little bit of common courtesy and respect should I do something terrible like hit the snooze button in the morning.

This is not the first time he has made his disdain for my 4:15 rising time known. This has come up frequently in the 5 years we have been together, but has never resulted in the reaction that occurred this morning. In addition to the initial name calling, I was told how "sick and tired" he is of my obsessive compulsive need to get up and watch TV and surf the internet at ungodly hours, that he didn't want me to do anything for him anymore because I think it gives me a right to hold it over his head (I never complain), that I could not speak my mind on the subject (he's not spoken to me since the degrading name calling), that I was to leave him alone, and he even "withheld" my morning goodbye kiss (When I asked for a kiss as I was walking out the door he shook his head no).

I understand that he wants to optimize his sleeping time, but what about what works for me? What makes me happy? Was his reaction over the top or should I abide by his sleeping schedule and apologize? I know some of you cannot believe I am asking these questions, but my reality seems have gotten so skewed that I really cannot seem to grasp what is reasonable and what isn't, and trust me, I will be told I am wrong in this situation.

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TMI Tuesday #154

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1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?

The difference between sexy and erotic is like the difference between wearing a lacy cami/panty set under your skirt and blouse to work (sexy), and coming home to your significant other and doing a strip tease down to your lacy cami/panty set while he/she cooks dinner in the kitchen (erotic). Sexy is an adjective - erotic is a verb!

2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?

Well, after 25 years of attempting to make monogamy work, while always wondering how in the heck one "life partner" was supposed to satisfy all of my needs, and realizing that there really are different kinds of love for different relationships (Have I now given a long enough preamble?), I would say that not only are there many different potential mates that I could live blissfully with (male and female), but that I could actually live blissfully with more than one of them in the same household.

3. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?

I don't need to hear the words very often, but I need to "see" the words on a regular basis. I need to know - through thoughtful actions - that I am important to my partner - that I matter.

4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?

All of them! Seriously, I struggle - really struggle - with expressing emotions. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and out of control. In fact, a dear friend recently pointed out that he thought I went into "logical mode" as a defense mechanism. He was right. I've started sharing feelings here and there with people I feel "safe" with and I'm hoping to eventually find a better balance between logical and emotional thinking/reasoning, but for now they are all extremely difficult to express. In other words, I'm not the cold-hearted bitch I often come across as *wink*

5. What is worse - physical, mental or cyber cheating?

Hmmm ... this one is difficult. I used to be quite black and white on cheating, but not so much any more. I've seen/heard some pretty amazing things that make me question if cheating - any type of cheating - is always a bad thing. I think the "bad" component of cheating isn't the type that has occured, but the level one feels betrayed when they discover they've been cheated on.

BONUS: The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you - TODAY - on the scale?

Well, in all honesty I'd say I am a solid 4, maybe even leaning towards a 5, stuck in a society/family that wants me to be a 0. Actually, I've been doing a lot of thinking on this lately and have come to the realization that what is really missing in my life is a loving, emotional (well, yeah ... and physical) relationship with a woman.

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It Was Only a Matter of Time

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I received the following email yesterday ...

Mrs. D:

On Friday, Cam brought home information about parent-teacher conferences. We are having some concerns with Cameron's progress and would like to schedule a full team 20 minute conference to discuss how we can address these concerns. Could you send back some times when you would have 20 minutes available on the conference dates so we can block out a 20 minute time slot? Thank you.

Mr. R

Translated into non-educator speak ...

Your son's performance is a problem and is reflecting poorly on us. We told you last year there was something wrong with him and you ignored us, so we are going to bombard you again this year - have you sit in a room with 7 teachers who will all tell you what a "loser" your son is (and thus, you are). We will make you cry and feel bad until you give in to our demands of having him evaluated and labeling him as a special education student. You will not tell us this is a problem with our teaching as we are professionals and we are never wrong.

Have I mentioned lately that I am extremely frustrated with the public education system? That I had Cam evaluated independently and the results were that he is easy to engage and performing well above expectations for his age? That the school has gone to a "team" approach this year and placed kids in teams based upon their perception of their abilities, placing Cam in one of the lower performing groups, where the expectations for his success are also low? That I asked the teaching staff for help last year and was told they would do nothing to help me until/unless I had him labeled as special ed?

Yes ... it's going to be a fight. I will ask for an agenda for this meeting and will be told it is "informal" with no agenda. This is because they do not want me to be prepared - they do not want me to be able to challenge them. I will go, independent evaluation in hand, and be told the school cannot honor that - that they can only honor an evaluation done by their personnel. That an educational evaluation is "different" and the only guidance they will follow even though those conducting the educational evaluation will be far less qualified than the team that performed the independent evaluation.

I know far too much about this process. I know how the system works. I know that what they claim to be "in the best interest" of the student is nothing more than additional funding for the school and an excuse for them to not do the little things that would make all of the difference for Cam. I know that his behavior will be used as an excuse to not place him in more challenging classes, yet if he were to be in more challenging classes, his behavior would improve.

Yes ... it's going to be a fight ... one I get better and better at each and every time I fight it. One where I tell them that although they might hold a teaching degree, they do not know my son better than I do. One where I push back - HARD - and piss them all off ... once again.

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