30 Days of Writing: Write Yourself Alive!

I've been looking for a reason to write

Some motivation

Some accountability maybe?

Not a day goes by that I don't think about this space - what it used to mean to me - all that it documents. I miss it.

I haven't figured out a way to respect this space, while respecting the privacy of the people who are important to me, and I've allowed that to silence this space.

I still have many blogs in my reader. I haven't given up on others. Not sure why I gave up on myself.

But I did.

Then today, I came across Jana's post.

As corny as I usually find these challenges, maybe the Write Yourself Alive Challenge will give me the nudge I need.

To find myself again.

To be myself again

Just Write: Thugs

Having grown up in Seattle during the time when they didn't have an "American Professional Football" team, celebrating when the Kingdome was constructed and the Seahawks were finally a part of the NFC West (then later the AFC West, then back again to the NFC West), and cheering for Jim Zorn and Steve Largent like they were family members (Seattle fans have always been the 12th man), I was thrilled to see the Seahawks beat the 49ers and head to their second Super Bowl.
Enter Richard Sherman's interview with Erin Andrews ...
I have no issue with Richard Sherman. He is a 25-year old who had just made the play of a lifetime to win the game of his lifetime. He was fueled by adrenaline and competition. He was in the moment - raw and unfiltered - and gave FOX some amazing footage.
I do, however, take issue with the name callers that clogged social media.
Racial slurs and innuendos were hurled far and wide, and all that I could think was, "These are the same people who teach my son in school, who will interview him for jobs, who will watch him closely as he walks through department stores. These are the people who think these thoughts, but keep them undercover until they feel protected and fueled by the anonymity of the internet."
THUG
It was the most common word I saw used to describe Richard Sherman.
Dictionary.com defines THUG as:

a cruel or vicious ruffian, robber, or murderer

Richard Sherman is an American Professional Football player, not a cruel or vicious ruffian, robber, or murderer.
One has to wonder if the same word would have been used to describe J.R. Sweezy or Zach Miller had they had similar post-game interviews.
My heart tells me no - they would have been seen as "intense" and "competitive".
Do not be fooled, racism is alive and well, society has just gotten much better at keeping it to themselves ...
At least until they have the protection of anonymity on the internet.
And that hurts my heart.
~*~*~
In an attempt to revive this blog, I've decided to participate in Heather King's "Just Write" campaign:

Write whatever is happening around you WHILE you are writing (sometimes that’s the very best) OR whatever DETAILS you remember about your day or a specific recent-ish experience.

Next, try not to clarify or explain what you want to speak through your post too much. (Try not to force a theme or message.) Just write your experiences. What did you: See? Smell? Touch? Feel? Hear? What did it make you think?

Then watch how your ordinary and extraordinary experiences speak all on their own. That’s it!

A special thank you to Jana for continuing to blog and inspiring me to attempt to get back to the platform that was (and still is) my first love. 

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Shopping

Jana's Thinking Place

Today’s (totally and completely optional) prompt: How do you Christmas shop?

~*~

It's no secret that I am, by nature, not a shopper. I am one of those people who doesn't even travel to a store unless I have money, and need/want a specific item.

Window shopping?

Not my idea of a fun time.

Christmas shopping?

Well, I spend a lot of time throughout the year listening to what others say they'd like to have. I have a pretty good mental list by the time Christmas rolls around.

As one of the millions of people who are on a paycheck-to-paycheck budget, and one of the few people who still get a Christmas bonus from my employer, I have to wait for that bonus to do my Christmas shopping. Although that bonus is isn't huge, it is usually enough to get a few things for those who are special to me.

This year, my bonus was - quite unexpectedly - 25% less than last year.

Add to that a legal matter (involving my son) that requires I hire an attorney, and Christmas shopping has been ... well? Not a lot of fun.

I took my son to the outlet mall last weekend, gave him a budget, and let him shop. That was his Christmas gift.

I had grand plans for a gift for Mike, but with my financial constraints, had to abandon that idea.

It's been an emotional holiday season, one where shopping has had to take a backseat to the realities of my financial obligations and limitations.

And one filled with self-imposed guilt.

Because I cannot do the things the special people in my life deserve.

~*~

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

SOCS: Who Do You Compare Yourself To?

Comparisons are my Achilles heel.

I constantly compare myself to others - physically - emotionally - professionally, and it is destructive.

Comparing myself to others often results in a "not good enough" conclusion  and lately I've found that my parenting is the comparison du jour.

Cam is in his junior year of high school. This is a time where parents often talk about ACT/SAT scores, what colleges their kids will be attending, how successful their kids will be. How well our kids do in school seems to be the primary way we measure ourselves as parents.

That's a broken barometer for anyone who has a child who struggles academically in school.

Cam will likely not take the ACT/SAT. He probably won't attend a 4-year university, in fact, it will be nothing short of a miracle if I can talk him into a 2-year college or trade school program.

I often feel I am measured far more on his perceived failures than I am on his successes.

At least I do when I compare myself to other parents.

I don't measure up.

His "failures" must be a result of my parenting.

It's the only logical conclusion ...

~*~

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar).
• Link up your post [HERE]
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

On The Lighter Side

Screw the funk! Some really good things have been happening lately, and it is time that I let go of what's (not really) wrong and celebrate what's right!

I WON A T-SHIRT!!!

I first learned about Project Underblog through Jana, who is a regular contributor to the site. 

Project Underblog is "a submission-based collaborative writing project honoring the smaller voices in the blogging community. With a foundation of 5-10 core bloggers to publish, promote, and engage on a monthly basis, this is ultimately a place where the majority of the content comes from submissions. Anyone can submit and share their voices and stories without consideration of their blog stats, followers, page ranks, and social media reach."

I like the concept of Project Underblog. Quite frankly, there are a lot of "BIG NAME" bloggers out there who have very little to say. I've found that I enjoy the quieter voices - their writing is usually motivated by passion rather than page hits.

Anyway, I was excited when the site launched a few months ago, and have added them to my reader. 

What's better than a FREE t-shirt??

How about Fred Pastasaurus!?!?!

I saw this photo on Sujomi's Project 365 Blog and knew I needed a Fred Pastasaurus in my kitchen!

And guess what? Sujomi thought I did too ... so she sent me one!

Yes, I did text her this photo after opening up the package with the smile on the box.

And then I discovered that Fred also makes a PANTS Salt-and-Pepper Set, a Batterfinger Spatula, and a bunch of other fun cooking utensils.

Then, if that wasn't enough, my employer decided to add Green Mountain Naturals® Hot Apple Cider K-Cup®'s to our ever expanding drink choices (at $0.50/K-Cup®).

These things are to DIE for ... or at least to go broke for as I have now developed a $2.00/day habit.

It's like drinking a slice of hot apple pie - not too tart - not too sweet. I think the only thing that could possibly make them any better would be if you made a Green Mountain Naturals® Hot Apple Cider K-Cup® float!

Anyway, that is the good stuff that has been coming my way lately, which is far more fun to talk about than the funk.

Do tell ... what goodness has found its way to you lately??

SSOC (Monday Edition): I Am Not Everyone's Cup Of Tea

I'm a little late with Sunday's 5 minute Stream of Consciousness post, but I'm guessing there won't be any significant penalty ... or at least I hope not!

Jana's prompt this week? I am … {fill in the blank}

Do you want to play? The guidelines are at the bottom of this post.

~*~

I am NOT everyone's cup of tea.

Nor should I be, but that doesn't keep me from feeling a little disappointed when it becomes clear that I'm not.

I think, at some level, we all want to be appreciated for who we are. We want people to take the time to understand us and celebrate who we are.

We don't want to think we are unlikable.

Yet it's beyond unreasonable to think that everyone will like us all of the time.

I don't have the "I don't care if you like me" mentality. There are times when I wish I did. I do have the strength of character to stand firm in my opinions and convictions without allowing those who feel differently silence my thoughts.

I also am far more open minded than many choose to believe.

My opinions are sometimes wrong, and I am open to hearing and considering the other side(s). In fact, I often play Devil's Advocate to attempt to change my own mind.

I am Not everyone's cup of tea.

And what a boring, Lipton world it would be if I were.

*Photo shamelessly stolen from Another Suburban Mom*

~*~

Want to try Sunday Stream Of Consciousness? Here are the rules guidelines …

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar).
• Link up your post on Jana's blog.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

SSOC: Reading People

~*~

It's time for Sunday's 5 minute Stream of Consciousness, oh my goodness I cannot use spell check or proofread post.

Jana's prompt this week? Wouldn’t it be awesome if… {fill in the blank}?

I've got a post in my head for Tuesday. This week I'm using Jana's prompt to get those thoughts out there where they'll be easier to sort.

~*~

Wouldn’t it be awesome if… 

You could read people and know what they were really thinking, no matter what words come out of their mouth?

I've always been an "actions speak louder than words" kind of person, which works well for me in my personal relationships that are in my physical world (physical world equals the internet's reference to IRL).

It's more difficult with online relationships. All one really has are words to go by, and there are quite a few people out there who are amazing wordsmiths.

There's been a lot of talk this week about internet forums - those places where you can toss your opinion - anonymously - without repercussion. Where words can be said that you'd likely never say if your name was attached to them.

Honestly? I'd rather know. Can't stand me? I'd prefer you not appease me with your insincere words.

It's better that way. 

Then I don't waste too much energy on you.

~*~

Gender Reveal Parties?

~*~

My friend Jana posted the following tweet yesterday:

I had never heard of a "Gender Reveal Party". My first thought was it must be an event where some of the attendees dress in drag and, throughout the night, everyone tries to guess their gender. After each party guest consumes the mandatory 20 Jell-O shots, someone rings the "Gender Reveal" bell and everyone takes off their clothes, revealing their gender.

Imagine my disappointment surprise when I googled the term and discovered a "Gender Reveal Party" was:

A popular party where an expecting couple, along with their friends and family, find out the sex of their baby for the first time in a creative way. The ultrasound technician seals the news in an envelope, which is then dropped off with a baker. The baker then bakes a cake with the appropriate gender color filling and/or cake color (that's blue for a boy - pink for a girl - gender stereotyping begins in utero now), but decorates it in a non-gender specific manner. At the party, the expecting parents cut the cake to learn the gender of their baby(ies), sharing that special moment with all of their guests.

Are you kidding me?

It seems like a really bad idea to give an uncomfortably pregnant woman, standing next to the man she will be screaming obscenities at during delivery, a sharp knife ... especially in front of a bunch of witnesses party guests.

We know the party guests are not giddy with anticipation of learning the baby's gender. Nooooo ... they are looking at the expecting parents, imagining them naked in the Carnal Crisscross position, which is a bit uncomfortable (and strangely erotic) for Great Aunt Betsy!

Look, I get that pregnancy is an exciting life event, but soon enough that little Crotch Parasite is going to escape from it's protective shell, screaming, spewing unidentifiable liquids from all of its orifices, and inducing sleep deprivation for the next 18 years.

My guess?

The parents are going to wish they attended my version of a "Gender Reveal Party" soon enough.

~*~