~*~*~
His timing couldn't have been better - I had just read an article titled "Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations" (linked on twitter by @danteshepherd) that talked about people's need to label sexuality as either or - either straight or gay/lesbian.
I've talked about my sexuality on this blog before. When people demand I put myself in a box, I (begrudgingly) go with bi-sexual. I say begrudgingly because I don't like labels ... AT ALL. And as I spend some time toying with the idea of becoming comfortable in my own skin, I've discovered I hate them even more.
Way back when, Lynn (Real Live Lesbian) wrote a post about being "Fashionably Bi" I remember the post well. My comment was:
For those of you not familiar with the Kinsey Scale, it is based on the notion that sexuality is not all either/or - that there is fluidity in sexual preference rather than nice, neat little boxes that everyone fits in to.
Me? I'm a 3 ... and I think I'm a pretty true 3. Just as I am not attracted to people of a specific race/ethnicity, neither am I attracted to people of a specific gender. I can love, care for and be passionate with men and women ... equally. Although I have had long-term relationships with women in the past, the last 20 years I've confined myself to the heterosexual side of the scale.Yes, attitudes surrounding sexuality have become much more open in the past 20 years, but being straight is still a lot easier than being gay/lesbian/bi.
So, why did I have such a strong reaction to Matt's "Why don't you just become a lesbian?" question?
Two reasons ...
One, I don't think one "becomes" a lesbian. I know ... I know ... it's semantics, but I found it bothersome that someone I consider a dear friend had (or at least appeared to have) such archaic views on sexuality (this is where Matt will tell me I am one of those people who take twitter too seriously *shrugs*).
Two, I'm not a lesbian. If you want to label me or put me in a box, at least get the right damn label/box. This is not a phase (I've been this way as long as I can remember), I am not confused (at least not about my sexuality, but I am confused by why others seem so confused by it) and this isn't an excuse to be promiscuous (although I believe a polyamorous relationship would better suit me, having more partner options does not make me more promiscuous). I am bi-sexual and don't need to "become" anything else.
Now, all of that said, I do think Matt has a point - I need to stop confining myself to the heterosexual side of the Kinsey Scale and be more open to where my true sexuality lies.
It's all part of becoming comfortable in my own skin ...
Soooo ... last night, I'm minding my own business on twitter, saying goodnight to a few folks as they logged off for the night, including one of my female followers to whom I promptly gave *sloppy wet kisses* as part of her good night.
I do this frequently (flirting is "safe" on twitter) to both men and women, but for some reason my tweet last night resulted in the following exchange from @MattManWIR:
I do this frequently (flirting is "safe" on twitter) to both men and women, but for some reason my tweet last night resulted in the following exchange from @MattManWIR:
His timing couldn't have been better - I had just read an article titled "Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations" (linked on twitter by @danteshepherd) that talked about people's need to label sexuality as either or - either straight or gay/lesbian.
I've talked about my sexuality on this blog before. When people demand I put myself in a box, I (begrudgingly) go with bi-sexual. I say begrudgingly because I don't like labels ... AT ALL. And as I spend some time toying with the idea of becoming comfortable in my own skin, I've discovered I hate them even more.
Way back when, Lynn (Real Live Lesbian) wrote a post about being "Fashionably Bi" I remember the post well. My comment was:
I think there *is* a "fashionably bi" segment of the population. My experience is that they tend to be women (generally under 30) who know this is a turn-on for men AND women and since society is far more accepting of it, they "toy" with it for a period of time.
I also think there is a rather significant population of women generally over 30) who fall somewhere in the 4/5 range of the Kinsey scale, but who have "settled" for a heterosexual relationship to meet the traditional wife/mother expectations of society.
For those of you not familiar with the Kinsey Scale, it is based on the notion that sexuality is not all either/or - that there is fluidity in sexual preference rather than nice, neat little boxes that everyone fits in to.
Me? I'm a 3 ... and I think I'm a pretty true 3. Just as I am not attracted to people of a specific race/ethnicity, neither am I attracted to people of a specific gender. I can love, care for and be passionate with men and women ... equally. Although I have had long-term relationships with women in the past, the last 20 years I've confined myself to the heterosexual side of the scale.Yes, attitudes surrounding sexuality have become much more open in the past 20 years, but being straight is still a lot easier than being gay/lesbian/bi.
So, why did I have such a strong reaction to Matt's "Why don't you just become a lesbian?" question?
Two reasons ...
One, I don't think one "becomes" a lesbian. I know ... I know ... it's semantics, but I found it bothersome that someone I consider a dear friend had (or at least appeared to have) such archaic views on sexuality (this is where Matt will tell me I am one of those people who take twitter too seriously *shrugs*).
Two, I'm not a lesbian. If you want to label me or put me in a box, at least get the right damn label/box. This is not a phase (I've been this way as long as I can remember), I am not confused (at least not about my sexuality, but I am confused by why others seem so confused by it) and this isn't an excuse to be promiscuous (although I believe a polyamorous relationship would better suit me, having more partner options does not make me more promiscuous). I am bi-sexual and don't need to "become" anything else.
Now, all of that said, I do think Matt has a point - I need to stop confining myself to the heterosexual side of the Kinsey Scale and be more open to where my true sexuality lies.
It's all part of becoming comfortable in my own skin ...
~*~*~
11 comments:
Glad I could help. I'm a giver like that. Cheers Dana!!
I think I'm both a "0" and an "X." Okay, probably not so much the "X."
And, I've met people who were each and every one of those on that scale except a "1." I'm betting that's the one people admit to the least. At least when for men it is. ha
Hi Dana!
I love your perspective on this topic! As a person who over the years has kind of fluctuated on the Kinsey scale, I understand you completely. When I was in my 20s, I finally adopted this answer to the sexual identity question: "I am looking for the right person for me without regard to gender".
Good for you for being true to yourself and talking about it! Yay!
I thought this was funny. You don't want to be put in a box...unless there are more boxes to choose from. It's all grey in reality. As long as you know you you're good and I think all Matt was suggesting was that you find a nice women and perhaps send him some photos.
0 for me and no problem with your 3. So long as you conform to all my expectations of a 3. :)
So does that mean that we here at the Asylum have a good chance of recruiting you?
Like the old saying goes. " it doubles your chances of getting lucky ". QCTM
It's society that wants to tag everyone with a label, American society especially. It's kinda sad really.
I'm all for people getting their groove on how ever they like. Unless you're extending an invitation, then we'll have to establish a few ground rules . . .
I don't mind the box, mine would have a 0 on it. While my desire is for men I can appreciate the beauty of women.
This was excellent post! I hate labels, too. I could go on and on, but I think you've already said it beautifully, so I'll leave it at that.
I lost my virginity 30 years ago to a man. And it's been 29 years since I've been with another!
I think that makes me a 6.
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