Friday Wrap-Up (Saturday Edition)

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It's been a while since I wrote one of these, probably because I have far too many loose ends these days. It feels like nothing is wrapped up which, in my world, equates to feelings of chaos.

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The DCFS interview went ... well? I don't know how those things are supposed to go. I was interviewed over the phone - Cam was interviewed on the same day at school. Questions to me included things like, "Do you support Cam's use of drugs by buying them for him or supplying money to him so that he can buy them?", "Do you have a criminal record?" (at which point I was required to give my SSN so that they could run a criminal records check), and my favorite, "Do you understand that if we find the allegations of child endangerment to be founded, we will remove your son from the home?"

If you read this Sunday Secret, you know how I responded.

I have yet to receive the final determination from DCFS - they informed me that they have up to six weeks to provide their results from the investigation. We shall see.

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I'm trying to take a little better care of myself these days. I'm going to the gym almost daily and, occasionally, spending a little time and $$ on myself (last week's mani/pedi was a start).

Yet there is one thing on my To-Do List that would go a long way in taking care of myself that I continue to procrastinate ... routine medical and dental visits. I'm starting to consider that my "downness" may originate from an un-addressed medical issue ... which concerns me ... and makes it difficult to make the call.

Bottom line? I'm afraid I'll find out that the way I feel will either be diagnosed as crazy ... or worse yet ... normal.

I think I'd rather find out I'm crazy.

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I want to take a minute to acknowledge the amazing generosity of two of my readers (you know who you are). Both, after reading my Big Fat Ugly Cow post, took it upon themselves to help me, take care of me. They each sent a care package containing things I think they both knew I would never buy myself. One included a letter - a letter I read regularly for inspiration and support.

I was taken aback by the heartfelt generosity of them both, as well as that of each of you who left comments on that post.

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I think it's time for peanut butter toast! Have a great weekend buckaroos!

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Wednesday Wrap-Up

When the creative juices are running low (I hate it when that happens, but they've got lube for that) and you can't think of anything entertaining to blog about, there is always the tying up of wrists and ankles loose ends post to fall back on.

First, I found out that a dear friend of mine lost his father yesterday. This was not unexpected - his father had suffered a stroke and had been in hospice care for some time - but I can't imagine this makes the loss any easier. If you are so inclined, please send some positive, healing and comforting thoughts for him and his family towards Chicago.

His loss makes me question my own relationship with both of my parents and whether there is any way I can make it better than it currently is, even with the wretched history we have, and still maintain a bit of personal integrity. The reality of their mortality is something I can no longer ignore, however building some sort of positive relationship with either of them seems an insurmountable task at times. I love my parents, but feel a great need to protect myself - and my son - from their destructive behaviors.

Second, I had a bizarre phone call at 11:30 Monday night. My phone never rings after 9 PM, so when it woke me out of a deep sleep, I immediately thought something terrible had happened to someone. Fortunately, that wasn't the case. Instead, the person on the phone was looking for someone I lived with 20 years ago. According to the story, her sister is the half-sister of this former flame of mine, and the half-sister is on her deathbed wanting to make amends with family members (are you following this?). Now mind you, it's been at least 15 years since I've had any contact with this man, and I don't know if this woman's story is true or not, but I find it just a little disturbing that my name (which has changed TWICE since I lived with this man) is still associated with him in some manner. Creepy ...

Last but not least, for anyone concerned, things on the home front remain "stable." I'm doing my best to keep a low profile (it's amazing how much energy that takes) and husband is on his best behavior. I've seen this cycle too many times in my life to let myself consider that it is a permanent change and I continue with my contingency plan.

Oh, one more thing ...

Today is The Great American Grump Out. A day that "since 2002 has encouraged people of all ages, all over the world, to be playful and respectful and designates one day each year to encourage people all over the United States to go twenty-four hours without being grumpy, crabby, or rude." Good luck with that one!!