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You might remember that I live in a small town (population 5,000 +/-). Mike and I have gone to Cam's band concerts together, to the market in town together, to the laundromat together. I haven't hidden Mike.
I may however, have lied through omission.
A few weeks ago husband asked me if I had hooked up with an old co-worker of his (he had played poker with this old co-worker and thought he was acting 'aggressive'). I told husband that I hadn't - that his old co-worker had propositioned me after husband and I first split, but I declined - that I would never date someone husband knew/worked with - that I had better taste than that.
All of that is true, but it would have been a good time to say, "No, I'm not dating your old co-worker, but I am dating someone else."
I didn't.
Imagine husband's surprise when, at a wedding budgeting dinner with his ex-wife and his soon-to-be in-laws (my step-son is getting married in September 2013), his ex-wife asked, "Should I make Dana and Cam's invitation a +1?"
When she got a confused look from husband she clarified, "I just thought maybe Dana would want to bring her boyfriend."
How did she know?
Like I said, I haven't been hiding Mike.
I may, however, have been a bit passive-aggressive.
Back in May, Cam visited Delaney (his step-sister). This was before Cam got his license, so I dropped him off and Mike (who was going to be in the area) picked him up.
My guess is that husband's ex-wife asked Delaney about Mike.
I'd also be willing to bet that husband's ex-wife intentionally spilled the beans in front of their future in-laws to make husband look ignorant.
She's a master emasculator (is too a word ... in the URBAN Dictionary).
It worked. He looked foolish. He wasn't happy about that (understandably).
In the past 6 months, husband and I have had conversations surrounding divorce - primarily that we are both aware that it is inevitable, and that it will happen as soon as Cam graduates (husband has agreed to keep us on his health/dental insurance until then).
I don't ask husband what he does in his free time.
I don't know if he has dated/hooked up with anyone since I moved out.
I don't care.
I assumed he didn't care either.
I was wrong.
What say you internet? Should I have been upfront about dating 2 years after being separated? Or was it really none of husband's business?
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9 comments:
If you were hiding it to create a dig at the ex, then you are being a bitch. However, it doesn't sound like that at all. It seems like you thought he didn't care so didn't tell. Nothing wrong with that. Also, not your fault if he appears foolish. Not sure about the other ex. If it was intentional to make him look stupid in front of the other in-laws, then that was bitchy.
I think telling him would have been a courtesy that he really doesn't deserve.
Jay
It sounds like he still doesn't fully comprehend that he doesn't own you.
You didn't do anything wrong at all. However, I think if you wanted to maintain a cordial relationship with your ex then you should have let him know. If not then the heck with him. You don't owe him anything, but sometimes people work to create that post-relationship respect.
Susan, I really wasn't even hiding it! Seriously, Mike and I couldn't be more "out" if we tried! As far as his ex goes? I suppose I should give her the benefit of the doubt, but having dealt with her for 6 years, I'm pretty certain her 'slip' was intentional.
I'm With Stupid - Jay, *smirk* Yeah ... you are probably right on that one.
Knight, he once told me, "No other man will ever want to be with you because of that kid." I think he really believed I wasn't 'worthy' of a respectful and loving relationship.
Karen, cordial? Hmmmm ... I would prefer neither of us get petty, and we end this marriage as quietly as possible, so to that extent, cordial would be nice, but not necessary.
'because of that kid'
Isn't 'that kid' his kid?
Mike, No, Cam is mine from a previous relationship.
If you are separated, than I don't think you owe explanations/confessions unless outright asked about something.
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