The Last Three Years (Reader's Digest Condensed Version)

It hadn't occurred to me that their might be people who don't follow any of my other social media spots and have no idea what's been going on. So as not to bore those of you who have heard this story, I'll be (kind of) brief ... 

(via The Jewelry Lady - who remembers these?)

SEPTEMBER 2014 - Mike and I move to Not Podunk to be closer to his job (which was in a rapid growth mode) and ... well? To get out of Podunk!

DECEMBER 2014 - I quit my job of 6 years that was located in Podunk, accepting a position much closer to Not Podunk. It even came with a pay raise.

*Life goes on merrily for a year*

DECEMBER 2015 - My position with the new employer in Not Podunk is eliminated due to company sale/acquisition. As it turned out, within 6 months, everyone's positions were eliminated.

FEBRUARY 2016 - I accept an accounting manager position with one of the companies involved in the purchase/acquisition of my Not Podunk employer. I am a virtual employee, as are all other employees of the company. We have no brick and mortar building. Mike's career continues to soar.

APRIL 2016 - Mike's boss learns he is being transferred to Oregon. Mike and I agree that we will relocate to Oregon as well as it seems to be a great career move. My job allows me to live anywhere, so it really makes sense.

MAY 2016 - Plans change. Mike's boss is now relocating to Las Vegas for a different opportunity within the same company. Mike is able to get his transfer changed to Las Vegas as well.

JUNE 2016 - Welcome to Las Vegas!

AUGUST 2016 - Cam moves to Las Vegas due to his life falling apart in Podunk. He moves in with my mom as there are "tensions" between he and Mike and I. At the time I thought Mike was supportive of the move. I would later learn he was not.

*Timeline gets a little wonky - way too much happening*

JANUARY 2017 - Mike and I seem to be doing less and less together. His interests in Las Vegas are very different than mine. There is a major betrayal in the relationship. He starts going out after work more often than he comes home - easy to do when you live in the city that never sleeps. I start withdrawing from life, seldom leaving the house and feeling very depressed and isolated. 

FEBRUARY(?) 2017 - There is a major shakeup in leadership within the company Mike is working for. It eventually leads to Mike's Boss leaving the company. Things with Mike's employer get extremely dicey, but he manages to trudge through relatively unscathed. That said, he is not happy at work.

MAY 2017 - My relationship with Mike continues to deteriorate. I seldom see him, and he seems perfectly fine with that. There is a second betrayal in the relationship, identical to the one that happened (and I thought was resolved) in January. I give Mike an ultimatum - some things need to drastically change in order for us to renew the lease in July. Knowing what I know now, the relationship was already over at this point. I thought we had just hit a rough patch - that Mike and I would work through it - that he loved me enough.

JULY 2017 - We decide to renew the lease. Mike will only agree to a three-month extension. I didn't see that coming, although I should have. Mike was unhappy at work and at home. I had basically quit life and was miserable as well. It becomes very evident that our relationship is in BIG trouble. I am still oblivious hopeful we will work through it.

SEPTEMBER 2017 - Things with Mike and I come to an abrupt end. He tells me he's been unhappy in the relationship for 5 years (we had been together 6 years). He listed all of the reasons I was at fault - it was a long list. Obviously there will be no working on the relationship. Mike starts acting really odd.

OCTOBER 2017 - Although I know the relationship is over, I am quite worried about Mike. His behaviors (or at least what he was telling me he was doing) were disconcerting. I reached out to a few of his friends. Later, when I discovered bits and pieces of the truth, I would feel like an idiot for being concerned, however my life for the past year would begin to make sense.

~*~*~

And that? That is how I ended up (and stayed) in Las Vegas.

“A little bit of this town goes a very long way.” Hunter S. Thompson

I haven't yet decided if I love living in Las Vegas, or hate living in Las Vegas ... and I don't know if my indecision has more to do with living in a large city, or if it's actually because it is Las Vegas.

Let's start with the climate and get that one out of the way. In a nutshell, the weather in Las Vegas is ideal ... except for the three months during the summer that you can't touch your steering wheel or go outside during the day. I liken it to topsy-turvy Chicago weather. 

Love it - hate it.

If it weren't for the light on the Luxor I'd never know where I was at night

Living in a destination city is different ... really different. It's great when you have friends and family all over the country because people actually want to visit here. When I lived in Podunk, the only draw was Chick-N-Dip, and although their broasted chicken and raspberry shakes were to die for, it didn't motivate many people to make the trip. In the sixteen months I've lived here? I've seen more friends and family than I saw the previous 10 years living in the Chicago area. This is somewhere they want to visit and they will even make time to at least have dinner with me.

Love it - hate it.

Las Vegas is very much a transient city. Yes, generally large cities are transient, but Las Vegas is transient on steroids. People come here for many reasons, but the main draws seems to be living the dream that Las Vegas sells so well, or thinking all of the online poker they've been playing will make them millionaires at the casino tables. It is difficult to get to know people when they leave this city as quickly as they come to this city. That said, the diversity here is beyond anything I've ever experienced anywhere. It truly is a microcosm of the world.

Love it - hate it.

The bottom line? I have no plans to move any time soon. I've got actual family here, and both my mom and Cam are happier than a pigeon with a french fry. We'll  see what happens over time, but Las Vegas just might be my final destination, whether I love it, or hate it.

Taking care of business

One of the many things that I struggle with is self-care - putting myself first at least some of the time. This has been an ongoing issue as long as I can remember, even as a child.

If I go to that place where I over-analyze everything (I'm pretty much rooted there) I know there are many reasons this has happened:

1. I am a Cancer - a caregiver by nature
2. I grew up in a dysfunctional (alcoholic) family. As the only child, I was often tasked with taking care of not only myself, but taking care of my parents as well (they were too wrapped up in their drama to handle things like cooking dinner)
3. I was brought up to have as little impact on the world as possible - to be invisible if you will
4. Struggling with weight all of my life reinforced the need to be invisible
5. I have a child with a learning difference. I have spent the last 20 years advocating for him
6. I have always felt that my value to others was what I could do for them - that without that, I had no value.

So, there are lots of reasons I've wound up where I am, but it's not working - it has never worked. 

Time to make changes, and yesterday was a BIG day for that!

Did y'all know that Amazon has an entire Sexual Wellness Department? I had no idea until just a few days ago ... but currently? I have 29 items in my cart. What?? I'm old, not DEAD! And yes, I will need to whittle that down a bit, but I figure this is the epitome of self-care! No ... this is not in my cart, but I'm not sure y'all are ready to see what is in my cart!

And can we talk about my hair? I had let it go back to it's original color ... or non-color (grey) if you will. I just stopped caring. Hell! Mike never wanted to go out with me (even before I quit caring), and I was only leaving the house about once a week - why bother?

What I was actually doing was giving up - quitting. It permeated every part of my being. So last night? This happened.

Yeppers! I went back to RED. When life is chaotic I think it's best dealt with as a fierce redhead!

And then? If I hadn't done enough self-care for the day? I joined Planet Fitness ... well, actually Cam and I both joined Planet Fitness. 

I had already decided this was going to happen at some point. I have not been exercising since Mike and I moved to Palatine three years ago and have put on about 50 lbs - UGH! Cam has spent the last year sitting on his bed playing XBox and has probably gained about the same amount of weight. We had both decided that once we made this move, getting to a gym would be a priority.

What's really goofy about all of this is that it made me feel SO GOOD! And then I started beating myself up for not doing it sooner - for quitting life.

Yeah ... I know ... I need to work on that too ...

I'll get there!

The first two weeks in the new place ... by the numbers

(17)   Days I've had keys to the new place
(15)   Nights I've slept in the new place
(0)     Boxes left to unpack
(348) Dollars I've spent on groceries
(49)   Times I've questioned my decision to have my adult son live with me
(.5)    Anxiety attacks since moving to the new place
(22)   Anxiety attacks in the final 30 days I lived with Mike
(2)     Clocks I've hung on the walls
(0)     Pictures I've hung on the walls
(12)   Teapots on display in the kitchen

(3)   Days I have not left the new place

(3)   Days I did leave the old place in the final 30 days I lived with Mike

(4)   Times I've had to contact the property management company

(1)   Major appliances that have been replaced

(0)   Times I've been able to check my mailbox

(30) Days my mail is on hold waiting for a mailbox key

(1)   Times I went out with the internet and happened upon the wiener-mobile