I’ve avoided this topic/trend - I didn’t want to come across as a victim, even though I was
I was date raped when I was 19. This is the FIRST time I’ve ever told anyone about this (*waves* Hi Internet!!) - it’s been 35 years
I went out to dinner with a guy I met at school. We actually had a good dinner date. When it was time to go home, he wouldn’t take me home, instead he took me to his apartment
I didn’t know what to do. He picked me up from my house. I had no transportation - no way to get home
It was “that time of the month” He forced himself into me even though I was using a tampon
I stopped saying “no” when it was clear that “no” wasn’t going to be honored. I figured it would be over more quickly if I just laid there pretending it wasn’t happening
This was before cell phones - I had no access to an “out” - I eventually walked the 4 miles home at 2 AM (after he fell asleep) - I cried all the way
This was a time when it was assumed that women were in a perpetual state of consent. If a man wanted it, the woman consented. And for goodness sake - I was 6′ tall and probably 200+ lbs - how does someone my size get raped. Let's get real … no one would have believed me ... I knew that ... even then. Worse yet? I felt like I deserved it. That I dressed to provocatively - that I wasn't more forceful trying to get him to stop - that I din't drive myself. There is so much guilt ...
This thing with Brett Kavanaugh has brought up emotions I thought I had locked away 3+ decades ago
I guess I didn’t
4 comments:
Sorry that happened to you. But it just goes to show how vivid a memory can be even if it's an old one.
All of the Kavanaugh shit has brought up so many emotions for women as they are all forced to relieve their own trauma from their own past. I hope your view on the situation now, 35 years later, goes from one of guilt and shame to being pissed off. I know this is where I'm at these days. Hugs to you!
Mike,/ for me? My reaction to the Kavanaugh hearing just REALLY caught me off guard. I compartmentalize (a skill I learned growing up in an alcoholic family) and I didn't see that one ever coming back.
Emmy, I had a friend who is a mental health counselor post on Facebook about how the Kavanaugh hearings have re-victimized women. I don't know that I feel re-victimized, but I *AM* angry. Angry that in the era I grew up in it was NOT okay to "ruin" the boy/man's life by telling the truth ... and it still isn't.
Post a Comment