Me too

I’ve avoided this topic/trend - I didn’t want to come across as a victim, even though I was

I was date raped when I was 19. This is the FIRST time I’ve ever told anyone about this (*waves* Hi Internet!!) - it’s been 35 years

I went out to dinner with a guy I met at school. We actually had a good dinner date. When it was time to go home, he wouldn’t take me home, instead he took me to his apartment

I didn’t know what to do. He picked me up from my house. I had no transportation - no way to get home

It was “that time of the month” He forced himself into me even though I was using a tampon 

I stopped saying “no” when it was clear that “no” wasn’t going to be honored. I figured it would be over more quickly if I just laid there pretending it wasn’t happening

This was before cell phones - I had no access to an “out” - I eventually walked the 4 miles home at 2 AM (after he fell asleep) - I cried all the way

This was a time when it was assumed that women were in a perpetual state of consent. If a man wanted it, the woman consented. And for goodness sake - I was 6′ tall and probably 200+ lbs - how does someone my size get raped. Let's get real … no one would have believed me ... I knew that ... even then. Worse yet? I felt like I deserved it. That I dressed to provocatively - that I wasn't more forceful trying to get him to stop - that I din't drive myself. There is so much guilt ...

This thing with Brett Kavanaugh has brought up emotions I thought I had locked away 3+ decades ago

I guess I didn’t

TMI Tuesday | Connect

(via TMI Tuesday Blog)

1. How do you and your loved one connect?

I don't know why, but I find this question quite odd. My loved one? Are we talking significant other? Don't have one. Are we talking children? Text. Are we talking family members? Text. Are we talking the dead? Theresa Caputo.

2. When did you last make a mistake and were okay with that mistake?

I make mistakes regularly - some small - some big. I am never okay with the mistakes I make because I believe being okay with mistakes breeds complacency. I try to figure out what caused the mistake and avoid making the same mistake again.

3. What are you just not seeing?

I am not seeing what my life will look like in 10 years - I lost that vision about 18 months ago and I've not taken the time to figure out what my next vision should be. I need to get on that. Life has just been a series of reacting and existing, which isn't fulfilling at all.

4. If you could spend ten minutes with your hero alive or dead what would you ask them?

My hero has Genoa salami, prosciutto, mozzarella, and tomatoes on crusty bread. Wait ... this question isn't about food?

5. Who in your life do you wish you’d met sooner?

Hmmmm ... this is kind of one of those "If you could change any one thing" questions, and y'all know how I feel about those. I believe that people come into your life exactly when they should. I wouldn't want to mess with the flying spaghetti monster and universe.

Bonus: Have you ever won a medal for a sports activity? What sexual activity are you sure to win the gold?

I have never won a medal per se, but I have won several ribbons and trophies for sports over the years.

The sexual activity that I would win a gold medal in? Let's go with teasing - it's one of my favorite things to do - the strategic touch, random sext message, the build up of anticipation for what is going to happen next.

*SIDE NOTE* Don't google "sexual activity gold" ... just don't! 

Sunday Stealing | 65 Questions part 1

(via Sunday Stealing)

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Wait ... what? I'm not sure I even understand this question. I mean, I see other people, I engage with other people, I'd say others exist. Now, if we're talking extraterrestrial? I'm fairly certain we are not the only people in the universe, and I think the others are laughing at us!

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

If I'm in my own home? I'm at a 1. If I'm out in a place where no one else (hopefully) is around? I'm at a 4.9997

3. The person you would never want to meet?

The person who wants to do me harm.

4. What is your favorite word?

Oh words ... I love words!! One of my all time favorites is hemidemisemiquaver.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

I'd want to be a redwood, but I'm more of a weeping willow.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

It's no wonder you are single ...

7. What shirt are you wearing?

8. What do you label yourself as?

Interesting question. I label myself as fat, unattractive, INTJ, and anti-social, just to name a few.

9. Bright room or dark room?

Bright room ... always the BRIGHT room!

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping ... very, very soundly. 

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Ohhhh ... with the exception of one event (my husband's suicide) my 20's were PHENOMENAL. I'd go back there in a heartbeat!

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My mom. I don't know if she meant it, but she said it.

13. Your worst enemy?

This is an easy one ... MYSELF!

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

I like a lot of people. Do I have a romantic interest in someone? I do, but they aren't available and I haven't expressed it, so it just stays a fantasy.

16. The last song you listened to?

Son left the radio on the country station after he took his GF to work ... What Ifs ft. Lauren Alaina (Kane Brown), and boy does that song hit me hard right now

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Honestly? No one - the bad ones will blow themselves up!

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

45

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Oh wow, ummmm ... I'd be a much better slave than a master.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

I'm 54-years old. My best physical attribute is that I'm still breathing. Secondary?

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Ummm ... so ... I did this quiz on Facebook recently and it said I would look like this ...

What would I do as a man? Cower in a corner for 24-hours!

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I don't know if you'd call it a secret talent, but I have this visual memory thing that allows me to remember where things are even if they have been packed away for 5+ years. It's weird

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

I don't know if it's unique, but I'm TERRIBLY afraid of dying alone - that no one will notice.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

I am not a vegetarian by any stretch, but a Jimmy John's #13 would keep me VERY happy!

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

I want to say that I'd do something spontaneous and irresponsible, but I'd likely just pay extra on a bill.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

I would like to go to Greece please. I don't know what it is about Greece (other than the ocean and the vibrant colors), but I've always wanted to go there!

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says.

Ummmm ... I'm not sure it is an angel that would ask me this, but Ketel One Vodka please!!

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? 

Don't be an asshole

29. What is your favorite expletive?

FUCK! Fuckity FUCK!!

30. Your house is on fire. You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

This is a plaster of my son's hand when he was 15 months old. It is the one thing I'd want to keep!