Friday Wrap-Up

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I can't think of a better way to end a week filled with (some might say self-induced) blog drama than to reflect on what I've learned about myself and others:

• People (generally, including me) are far more likely to criticize the negative than they are to praise the positive. I don't know why that is, but I don't like it and I will continue to work on not being one of "those" people.
• There really is such a thing as constructive criticism, but two key factors need to be present for it to get through - it needs to come from someone you respect and it needs to focus on the behavior, not the person.
• I don't write as well as I'd like to think I do. My intended message was muddled, and sometimes lost, in my posts on Monday and on Wednesday. I was very clear in what I thought I was saying, but based on comments, many readers were not.
• We all need to use the unfollow and unsubscribe buttons more freely.
  

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That "Mark as SPAM" option blogger now has for comments? It seems to work, at least initially. I'm not sure what happens once a commenter is marked as SPAM, but I'm hoping future comments will automatically go to the SPAM comments tab. We'll see.

I like having options ...

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Although social media does have a "dark side" (just like life) it can be a lot of fun too. Yesterday/this morning there was a conversation on twitter that made me chuckle. It involved two "normal" people (@jpryan06 and myself) and two "famous" people (If you watch Morning Joe on MSNBC).

I continue to be amazed at how social media allows "conversations" between people who would never have that opportunity in any other venue.

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Do Something!

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Chooooo! Chooooo!

When I write things on this blog, I usually have an idea of where they'll go when the comments start flowing. There aren't often many surprises, but that wasn't the case Monday.

Let's talk briefly about Monday, then LET IT GO because this post is not intended to rehash my bad behavior, nor the content of Monday's post, but rather some of the comments on Monday's post ...

I was PISSED! I felt "wronged" (I have since had to humble myself a bit) and I was tired of taking the "higher" road. And by "higher" road I mean that the entire situation had sunk to the gutter - the "higher" road was pretty damn low.

I don't regret writing the post and I don't regret opening up the comments, even though they didn't go AT ALL where I thought they would go. Why no regrets? Because I am a little more self-aware than I was Monday, because of that post.

Try to follow me here, this is going to seem disjointed (and probably is), but ... *shrugs*

There has been a lot of attention on the suicide of Tyler Clementi as of late, but the focus has been on the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back (the hidden camera and distribution of the live stream video on a social network) and his sexual orientation, rather than what I believe actually killed him.

What do I believe killed Tyler? People just like snugs, DoggyBloggy and micky-t along with people who chose to do nothing.

It wasn't that single social media event that killed Tyler. It was the ongoing and constant berating, ostracizing and exclusion of Tyler in a "socially acceptable" (i.e. via social media) way that killed him.

Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei face charges for invasion of privacy (don't get me started on the failing of our laws in keeping up with technology) but every single person who watched that live stream and laughed or mocked Tyler, and every single person on the Rutger's Campus who knew what was going on but did nothing, are equally as guilty in Tyler's death.

What I find most disturbing about this story is that had Tyler not died by suicide, this wouldn't have been a story at all. Most people would have considered it just another instance of "harmless" social media jabs because we all know that in social media (facebook, twitter, blogs, comments on news stories, etc.) this behavior has become expected.

Really? Berating people is harmless and has become expected?? Think about that for a minute ...

Be honest. You've done it. I've certainly done it.

I'm not saying you should heap artificial praise anyone - we've seen where the "everyone is a winner" mentality has gotten us - but you don't need to be an ass just for the sake of being an ass, and at the expense of others. Conflict can be constructive.

For example, I received an email from Jay on Monday regarding my post. It was one of the most supportive emails I have ever received. It said things like ...

"I think [your post] was ridiculous, childish and low."

and ...

"Seriously, I used to be entertained by you guys but now it's getting old and kinda boring. And stupid."

and finally ...

"Basically, I'm rather disappointed in that blog post. I think it was beneath you."

You might read those lines and think I am being sarcastic when I say it was one of the most supportive emails I have ever received - you'd be wrong.

See? Jay didn't blow sunshine up my ass. He didn't take sides. He didn't berate me. But he did tell it like he saw it. He called me out. He held me accountable.

Jay wasn't trying to embarrass, humiliate or "take me down a notch" like snugs, DoggyBloggy and micky-t were. No, Jay was reminding me that I am a better person than that post indicated. Jay was supportive. Jay did something constructive.

How many times do we see "wrongs" and claim we are taking the high road by not addressing them? How many times do we say to ourselves, "That's too big of a problem for me to do anything about" and walk away? How many times do we do nothing because we are afraid of being wrong or making someone mad at us because we've taken sides?

Do something people! Grow a pair of fucking BALLS and take a stand! Be respectful, but hold people accountable for their unacceptable actions like Jay did for me.

Doing nothing is every bit as wrong as what snugs, DoggyBloggy and micky-t did and continue to do. Doing nothing indicates you see nothing wrong.

We are ALL better than that.

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Villain or Hero

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I'm over at Lynn's place today!

Click the pic to find me today and (most) every Tuesday ...

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