Friday Wrap-Up

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“The true meaning of America, you ask? It's in a Texas rodeo, in a policeman's badge, in the sound of laughing children, in a political rally, in a newspaper... In all these things, and many more, you'll find America. In all these things, you'll find freedom. And freedom is what America means to the world. And to me.”

~ Audie Murphy

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On Monday, Vinny over at the Big Leather Couch reviewed John Mayer's new CD, Where the Light Is, and hosted a give-away of that very CD. All that it required was a creative comment describing why the blogger was deserving of such a gift. Well, I decided to throw creativity aside and go with the pity angle instead ... and it worked! I wrote:

John Mayer is one of my son's favorite musicians, and since he won't be riding his bike in the month of July (Can you say bike helmet attached to handlebars of bike - instead of on his head - and a crash that resulted in a 3-hour visit to the ER which included x-rays of his skull and elbow?) I was thinking maybe listening to John Mayer might just offer him a little entertainment. I'm thinking "Gravity", in particular, might be a great one for him to listen to over and over again!

I even managed a couple of sympathy votes from fellow commentors. Who new a visit to the ER could reap such benefits? Thanks Vinny!!

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It was a good week for prizes and awards! Jeff, over at A Word in Edgewise does a weekly "What Is It?" photo contest. He posts portions of pictures and asks you to identify them. Now, in all honesty he was quite kind to his readers this week - sometimes I have no clue what anything is - but this week I got in early and guessed them all correctly. And for my efforts I got this cool image that will proudly be displayed on my blog for ever and ever. He hosts this game every Friday during the summer so be sure to stop by today and take a crack (hehehe - I said "crack") at this week's contest. Thanks Jeff!

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On a more somber note, I want to say goodbye to a friend who likely touched my heart more than he knew.

Dan, your carefree and welcoming personality always made me feel more at ease at the monthly poker parties. I'm certain you had no idea just how much anxiety I felt at these events, and yet you were always one to give me a warm smile and friendly conversation, putting me at ease in a socially difficult situation. I cannot imagine the pain your family and close friends must be feeling, especially knowing that the person who took your life didn't even have the decency to stop, or to call 9-1-1, to alert them to the situation. At 32 you had so much more to give this world, but know that you gave me, and likely many others, much more than you ever knew.

Peace to you, my friend.

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HNT - Sticky Sweet

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best --" and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.

~ Winnie the Pooh

*Did you click??*

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Really, What Should a Marriage Be?

I was out and about yesterday, reading many of the TMI Tuesday responses to the questions submitted by Babushka and Kahuna, and there were two things that caught my attention that I thought were worthy of further discussion: should children factor in to deciding if you remain in a "bad" marriage, and should your life partner meet every one of your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs?

Let's tackle the consideration of children first, shall we? Understand that my perspective is based on the 20 year marriage of my parents. One was an alcoholic, and the other extremely co-dependent. They married young (18 and 20) and had only one child (me) 4 years into their marriage.

I have very few good memories of my parents' marriage. In fact, one of my earliest memories (I was ... maybe 5?) involved being woken up in the middle of the night by yelling and screaming and doors slamming. Moments after all of the noise stopped, my mother was in my room scooping me out of my bed and carrying me through a "destroyed" house - glass on the floor, furniture upside down and broken - you get the picture. She took me to the home of one of her friends - people I knew of, but didn't really know. She was with me when I went to sleep on the sofa, but was gone when I woke up in the morning. I remember being scared, but also having the privilege of eating Lucky Charms, on a metallic TV tray, while watching cartoons. My mother came back to get me later that day, and we returned to a house that was clean and quiet - at least for a short while.

This scene played out at least weekly during my childhood. I witnessed physical violence, and emotional abuse, between my parents on a regular basis (this was in no way one-sided - BOTH of my parents were guilty of participating). Eventually, I became the recipient of that same physical violence and emotional abuse. When I was 15, I actually used money I received as Christmas gifts to purchase a bus ticket to take me from Seattle to Spokane. I spent several days, and nights, in the Spokane Greyhound bus depot (not a good place for a 15 year old runaway) before calling my aunt and uncle who lived in Spokane to beg them to take me in.

Within days of letting my family know where I was, I was "forced" to return home. Fortunately, this event at least contributed to my parents realization that staying together, for my sake, wasn't working. What they managed to accomplish in my first 16 years of life was to define for me what a marriage should look like, and true to form, mine have looked quite similar to theirs.

Now I find myself in a similar position with my own son. No, the physical and emotional abuse is no where near the level of that of my parents, but I cannot deny that it is there, and I know from my own personal experience that I am teaching him what a marriage should look like. How terrifying is that? I do not use my son as a reason to stay with my husband. In fact, he really should be the reason I leave. In my experience, staying together for the kids never works - NEVER!

Now, can we talk about that "soul mate" concept? That one, single person should be able to meet all of my physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs? It's a nice thought, but isn't that an awful lot of pressure, and unrealistic expectations, to put on one person? Seriously, can anyone really say that their partner fulfills all of these needs? I don't think so ... I really don't ...

But here is the real issue. It seems that society is fine with us getting our emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs (to a certain extent) met outside of marriage. That's why we develop friendships, continue our education, attend church/synagogue/temple, etc., right?

But what happens when our physical needs are not being met and we look for those needs to be fulfilled outside of the marriage? We've got some pretty "nasty" names for it - infidelity, cheating, whoring around. Why has society put such an emphasis on those physical needs being met only within "their" narrow definition of marriage, but we can go outside of the marriage to meet - at least partially - all of those other needs?

I'd like to think there was a "soul mate" out there for me, but in reality, even those people that I know who are in happy marriages/relationships - people who tell me they've found their soul mates - they are still looking outward to fulfill their emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs, and some of them are even looking outside of that very marriage/relationship to fulfill their physical needs.

My point? I don't know as it seems I have more questions than answers here, but I do think it's important that we consider the fact that marriage is defined by the parties involved, not by some arbitrary legal or religious mumbo-jumbo. I know ... I'm totally going to hell for saying that!