The WeLoveSchmoop Fund is Now Open!

Many of you know Schmoop ... in the internet defined "know".

She is the BFF/OSP of the one and only Matt-Man, and has recently been stuggling with some significant health issues.

Like turning yellow.


I first “met” Matt and Schmoop over 5 years ago when blogging was the only social  media platform … unless you were 12 and on MySpace. A few years later, I drove to “Bagwine” Ohio and spent a long (based on some of the shenanigans that took place, some would say too long) weekend with the two of them. They are real people. Real people who work hard and live a simple life.

In October, Schmoop did - indeed - turn yellow. Since that was not her normal color, she decided a trip to the ER might be in order.

That trip led to a battery of tests and then a transfer to another hospital where they drilled a hole through what they discovered was a blocked bile duct, and put a tube in to allow the bile to drain (a tube she wore proudly for 2 months). Last week, she went in for surgery to permanently remove the mass that was blocking the bile duct ... and anything else (pancreas, liver, stomach) that might have been impacted.

There was significant concern that cancer might be the culprit.

The good ... wait ... make that FABULOUS news is that her surgery went well and she was cancer free.

She is still in the hospital recovering.

Unfortunately, Schmoop has been unable to work during this time, and her unemployment benefits have been delayed by at least 8 weeks. She will not be able to start collecting unemployment until she is released from the hospital, and eventually cleared as "able to work" by her doctor.

Quite frankly, Matt and Schmoop are looking at the very real possibility of eviction.

Jay and I decided we needed to do something to help out these two great people, and the WeLoveSchmoop Fund was born.

We are asking for donations.

The idea is to try to help Schmoop recover the income she lost during this time that she has been denied unemployment benefits. So, with the help of Jay, here is a handy dandy little button that you can click on and make a donation to the WeLoveSchmoop Fund!

You don’t even need to have a PayPal acct. You can donate using your debit and credit cards. Just click the button and then put in the amount you want to donate (it’s up to you, no fixed amounts or minimums are set). Or, if you do have PayPal you can donate by sending the money to the official email of the WeLoveSchmoop Fund which is ….

WeLoveSchmoop@yahoo.com

It's a chance to help a great human being whom we all love so very much. The donate button will also be on the right sidebar here for the next few weeks. This isn’t an open-ended thing and we won’t badger you (much) to donate.

But, as Jay has so eloquently said, GIVE TIL IT HURTS PEOPLE!

This One Time, At Bagwine ...

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I started my Saturday morning early ... a little too early. Sleep escaped me Friday night. Seems the anxiety of sending Cam off to camp, coupled with the anxiety associated with meeting "new" people was a recipe for restlessness. I sucked it up ('cause I'm "tough" like that) and was waiting in line at 8:00 AM to check in Cam for camp.

Thirty minutes later, this was the view as I left the church parking lot

Then it was home for a shower, "packing" (does a backpack count as packing?) and 30 minutes of studying the map and directions to Bagwine. Yes, I really did, and as it turned out it was a good thing. See, I have a color printer that was running low on cyan ink, but had plenty of black ink. Silly me thought if I wanted to print something in black ink the printer would obey my commands. Clearly my printer didn't know I was the boss. I resorted to writing out the directions by hand.

What I didn't realize, because I didn't have a MAP, was that I would spend about an hour driving in Illinois, an hour driving in Ohio, and FOUR AND A HALF hours driving in Indiana. About four hours into my drive through Indiana I tweeted:

Where the FUCK is Ohio?

In fact, I had been in Indiana so long I considered making a quick stop here for a little relief ...


I was certain I had somehow missed Ohio. That, or they had extended the eastern border of Indiana all the way to Maryland. But then I saw it ...

That's when I called Schmoop and broke down in fits of frustration asked how much farther it was. Fortunately, I was less than an hour away!!

I drove straight to the beer mine and look who I found ...


Thank goodness he gave me the right address to the beer mine. That could have been embarrassing!

For those of you who are like me and have lived somewhat "sheltered" lives, this concept of a drive through micro-convenience store that sells beer is pretty amazing. And if you could see it in action you'd be even more impressed. It was full of awesome.


I spent the last two hours of Matt-Man's shift hanging out at the beer mine and getting over those first few minutes of awkward. It's a little odd meeting someone you've "known" for three years for the first time - especially when that person knows more about you than people you've known your entire life and yet you've never touched them. Fortunately, awkward eased quite rapidly.

Then it was time to head to the Bagwine abode with a 30-pack of these ...

And a pint of this ...

Oh yes I did! I chose the Wild Berry vintage. Matt-Man insisted on the traditional Red, and Schmoop (probably the smartest one in the bunch) stayed with the Milwaukee's Best.


For the record, if any of you are really my friends, you won't let me drink Wild Irish Rose ever again. Seriously! The headache was beyond description. I actually spent half of the night squishing my head between my hands in hopes that I could actually physically stop the throbbing.

And then morning came ... VERY early. Seems Matt-Man and Schmoop have no concept of sleep being a key factor in the drinking recovery process.

Sunday morning started off with the grand tour. Having lived in Podunk for four years now, touring Bagwine was like going to Disneyland! They have a museum, parks and TWO WalMarts! Oh, and we picked up breakfast from a Bagwine icon.

No, the bakery didn't sell beer - that was round two - but they did give me a free doughnut when Matt-Man told them I was visiting from out of town. The temptress behind the counter found a "broken" whole wheat doughnut that, of course, they couldn't sell, and included in the box. I have to say that I have never eaten such lard laden perfection in my life.

And what visit to Bagwine would be complete without a home-cooked meal of Loosemeat and Lima beans? One of the best meals I've had in a long time ...

There was more beer, a phone call to Jay, some drunk tweeting and tons of great gossip conversation. And yes, as a matter of fact we did talk about you, you and even you!

If you've read Matt-Man's blog, you know that this was all that was left of me Monday morning ...


Those of you who have met bloggers know what a wonderful experience it is, and this was no exception. Matt-Man and Schmoop are both amazing people and I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to spend some time with them.

Now, if someone would please tell me what the hell I did to my thumb last night. The tip of it has been all tingly since I woke up this morning ...

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Wednesday Bits

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I want to thank all of you for your supportive comments yesterday. I know that I didn't address each of you individually, but my energy level is a bit low. In fact, I think I now know what it's like to be a snow cone with all of the flavor sucked out of it!

My home life last night was pretty much as I expected. I was ignored. The dinner I cooked was shunned in favor of a self-made peanut butter sandwich. As I was cleaning the kitchen and helping Cam with his homework, the volume on the TV was turned up to obscure my irritating behavior. Not a word was spoken. I slept in "our" bed but did not set the alarm, nor did I wake him up this morning.

*UPDATE* I attempted a congenial conversation as husband was leaving this morning and received the hand and a "I have nothing remotely nice to say to you" as he walked out the door. I didn't do anything to escalate the situation and simply watched him walk out. It's pretty clear this must be about more than the alarm clock, but as he is not speaking, I have no idea what other infractions I may have committed, but I am certain they are many.

This isn't typical of how I usually handle these situations, and I think that is a step in the right direction - a small step, but a step none-the-less.

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Remember when I told you I requested an agenda for the "special" conference next week? This was the response I received:

Mrs. Dana:

Cam is having some difficulties with organization, work completion, and staying focused on task. We are hoping that by having the longer conference period, we can develop an intervention plan to assist Cam with some of these concerns. The results of the independent educational evaluation should be very helpful in developing a plan. Thanks.

When I requested the agenda, I informed the author of the email that Cam had an independent educational evaluation done over the summer. My guess is he won't feel it is quite so helpful when he has an opportunity to review it and finds that the evaluator believes this is an issue with the learning environment rather than a problem with Cam.

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A really cool thing happened in the blogshpere yesterday. It was a marriage proposal! It looks like I'm going to have to share my blog crush "officially" now. If you haven't already done so, you really should read the PROPOSAL POST (don't forget to read the comments where she FINALLY accepted), then stop by and congratulate Matt-Man and Schmoop!

As difficult a day as yesterday was, this warmed my heart and renewed my faith in love.

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Critically Flawed

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11/05/08: THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE AMENDS. ALTHOUGH I STAND BY MY ASSERTIONS, IT'S CLEAR THAT THOSE MENTIONED IN THIS POST WERE OFFENDED. THAT WAS NOT MY INTENT AND SO I HAVE REMOVED ALL REFERENCE TO THE INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED.

A funny thing happens when you post about controversial topics, you get controversial comments. Now, in and of itself, that is a good thing. How can we possibly grow as people if we never consider a point of view that is different than our own. I actually like it when people disagree with my position and are able to convey their thoughts in a logical, unemotional argument. My post on the Chicago Public School's proposed "walk out" to protest per pupil spending discrepancies generated just those kinds of arguments, and a few others.

Before anyone questions my blogger integrity, I did ask XXX and XXX for their permission to use their comments and post, and they both graciously allowed my indulgence, and amends a mutual respect has been assumed [EDIT: There I go, making assumptions again. Seems XXX and have come to a place of mutual respect. XXX flip-flopped on me]. This isn't a "Blast the nasty commenters" post, but rather a post that explores how our own biases and perceptions can sometimes cloud the real point of a post, and how perception of those we don't know, but think we do, can be critically flawed.

I'll admit, I was a bit taken aback by XXX responses to my post, more specifically, parts of her second response.

If I understand correctly, you went to school to be a paralegal. I wouldn't exactly call that "college educated". I'd call that a vocation.

This was, in my opinion, an emotional response and not meant to validate her argument, but rather to belittle mine. In her defense, she claims that was not the case - it was an honest mistake, but it is this type of response that loses me in a debate. It isn't factual, yet was presented as fact. Even if it were, it in no way relates to parents becoming involved in their kids' education - the main point of my post.

Perhaps you didn't intend to come off they way you did at least to my eyes, but I think it's a bit wrong to think your child deserves better simply b/c you live in a rich neighborhood and the factory worker's kid doesn't deserve that same opportunity.

I do feel that if I work hard, my family should benefit from that hard work. I didn't just arbitrarily find myself in a "rich neighborhood," I worked hard to get here. It wasn't dumb luck, a lottery win or a trust fund, but rather embracing and realizing opportunity. It was setting priorities and goals and striving towards accomplishing those even when there were significant setbacks.

What I now know about XXX is that she grew up in a "low income" home in a poor area with a struggling and depressed single mother. I would assume that she has a bias that clouded her ability to see the main point of my post. She felt I was putting her down and she fought back.

Then there was XXX. He actually published a post and then deleted it from his blog. Although technically it is no longer on his blog, it was, and is, available in its entirety on any RSS feed reader. [EDIT: XXX has since re-posted his response on his blog, along with unmarked edits and all (?) of the original comments] He wrote, in part:

Its interesting that people who 'work' for a living are the biggest complainers...try 'creating' see how hard that is. We NEED all of you people -people like, like Dana that feel superior and do some kind of 'work' that is 'superior' to the people that keep the airport clean more superior than the the rest of you "people" you are all perfectly good little office 'grunts' basic 'lowlifes' because you are below the college education of say- Dana ...me I just make art and it does all right by me...... and I appreciate every single person I ever come across - slow like the slow child or quick witted like the neighbor. I think education comes from________fill in the blank.

XXX's writing can be a bit abstract at times, however this was pretty clear. His perception is that I feel superior than "the people that keep the airport clean (snip) perfectly good little office 'grunts' basic 'lowlifes'" and, I can reasonably extrapolate that he perceives me as someone without appreciation for the people I come in contact with daily. OUCH!

XXX did say in a follow-up email, "I had this opinion last night but then had a change of heart this morning....I felt bad singling you out as you probably voice an opinion had by many and I didn't want to seem like I was picking on you because I am not."

[EDIT: Apparently he's had a change of heart on this as well and attempts to "blame" it one me for "bringing him back into this" when he had the opportunity to decline my request. Hmmmmm - agenda?]

All that I can reasonably assume is that XXX has a disdain for people he perceives as feeling superior - not just superior towards him, but superior towards anyone. Like Fairy Flutters, he felt a personal attack at some level and he fought back.

I'd tell you I was shocked by their perceptions, but I've heard them before. It makes me sad - sad that I am not able to communicate my position in a way that is logical, yet empathetic. I've never quite been able to put it into words, but Matt-Man (with a little help from Schmoop) was able to. He wrote:

Schmoop has pointed out to me that when I argue or debate with others, I am always cool, calm, collected, and matter of fact. She knows that I have very little little feeling of any kind of grandeur, but to others it can come off as smug.

I can see how this type of thing can apply to you. You know why? Because like me, when you do debate you stick to your facts without interjecting visceral statements. (although I do DO interject sarcasm, if I know it's gonna piss the other person off, Hee Hee)

Smug. There it is. I debate in a matter-of-fact tone, I stick to the topic of debate, I detach myself emotionally, and it is sometimes perceived as smug. My own bias towards protecting my emotional vulnerability is likely the culprit. I know that identified weaknesses are easy targets for those looking to take aim. I've learned to minimize those targets - at all costs.

There is a price for emotional protection - it's called smug. Smug isn't me - just a perception of me - a perception that really is critically flawed.

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