Audit Hell

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What is an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets the wounded.

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The internal audit at work started today. To say things have been hectic would be similar to saying the sun is a little warm. I'll likely be just a wee bit scarce for the next week or so ... or drunk ... one or the other ... depending on the time of day ...

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Pardon Me While I Pull My Hair Out

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Year end duties at work have my full attention right now. As soon as I sort through the muck I'll be back to piss you off entertain you!

You can always click on over to Dana Does Digital where you know you'll find a picture a day ... and even a few words to go along with them!

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Rants - Because Sometimes You Just Need to Complain

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I'm an accountant. I love what I do. Numbers are perfect, predictable. There aren't any surprises with numbers. Sometimes there are puzzles, but they are always solvable (that's a word, right?). There are deadlines in accounting. Month-end is always a little crazy. Year end? Chaos sums it up well. The only thing worse than year end is an audit.

I work for a company whose fiscal year coincides with the calendar year which means we are smack dab in the middle of hell week. Saying I am busy would be an understatement. Everyone knows accounting is crazy this time of year so they just stay on their side of the building and throw coffee at us on occasion. Everyone except IT.

Yesterday we get an email from the IT department. It says:

This Thursday, December 31st, we will be taking down a few servers for maintenance from noon to 1 PM Central Standard Time.

The servers that will be down are:
[insert list of servers which includes the server than has our accounting software on it]

You will not be able to access files stored on the network. For some users this includes files located in your My Documents folder. This will also affect some network printing.

The servers may be back up before 1 PM, but please don’t count on it.

IT is going to take down the server that hosts the accounting software, in the middle of the busiest work day of the year, and hope it comes back up by 1 PM?? This should be fun.

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Yesterday was the day that the deer damage on the Cavalier was to be addressed. As it turned out, husband offered to do the headlight replacement (I know ... I know ... this week's Sunday Secret indicated what an ass he is, yet he offers up helpful things like this. It confuses me too). I ordered the parts, paid for them, and dropped the car off at husband's house at lunch yesterday.

All went well. The headlight replacement took about 25 minutes from start to finish but there was an issue with the running light that sits next to the headlight.

So what is my rant? There are still a few industries where men believe that all women are clueless. The automotive industry seems to be one of those. Now, I'm not an automotive genius, but I know a dipstick when I see one. I could tell that Charlie, the Chevy dealer parts guy, was going to be one of those guys.

When I told him what I needed - giving him the year, make and model of the car, he said, "Do you have the VIN ... you do know what the VIN is, right?" I quietly rolled my eyes on the other end of the phone and assured him I knew what the VIN was and gave him the number. Experience has taught me that these guys aren't usually receptive to being told they are nothing more than short dicked chauvinistic idiots. It's usually better to just get through the conversation.

I gave him the list of the parts I needed. I was very specific about the location of the light assemblies as I didn't have a schematic with names of the parts. I was a little concerned about the running light assembly as it seemed the cost was way out of line. When Charlie said, "You know, if you aren't sure what you need you might want to have your husband call. These parts are not returnable." I wanted to jump through the phone and castrate him by hand shake him violently, but instead asked him if he was certain the part number he gave me was, indeed, the light assembly that sits adjacent to the headlight assembly. He assured me it was.

When I picked up the parts, I opened the running light assembly box to make sure it was what I needed. It didn't look right AT.ALL. I had the Cavalier with me so asked Charlie if he would go out and take a look to make sure this was the light I needed. He poo-poo'ed my questioning of his automotive prowess and told me again he was certain. I took the parts and threw them in the back seat.

I'm rambling, but I'm getting there ...

Husband goes to put the parts on the car yesterday. Guess what? The running light assembly? It was the wrong part. Now here is where I get a little perturbed.

My options were twofold. I could call Charlie and tell him I was right and he was wrong, that a woman *gasp* knew more about her car than he did, neener-neener-neener, and hope that he would take the part back with a full refund, or I could have husband call and do the grunting male bonding moment and know for certain Charlie would take the part back for a full refund. I just wasn't in the mood to deal with misogynistic Charlie, so begged asked husband to call.

Charlie actually apologized to husband and offered to expedite the part in today and offered a full refund on the special order part. What do you suppose the chances were that Charlie would have done the same thing for me?

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Are You Sure You Want to Go There?

I work in accounting. My job is usually quite routine and doesn't require much interaction with our outside sales force. Quite honestly, this is a good thing because I just don't think they are as wonderful as they think they are. I make sure they get their expense reimbursement and commission checks and everyone is happy ... usually ...

Today is Monday, so we must have an exception, right? There has got to be some asshole sales rep who is pissed off that he didn't get laid this weekend he had a boring weekend and he's got to find someone to take that out on. I understand that, but next time he might want to choose someone other than me.

See, I am relatively easy to get along with, that is until you decide to be a prick demanding. As is the case in all offices, we have a procedure for processing expense checks. It's not a perfect process - there are a few steps that are somewhat repetitive - but if everyone does what they are supposed to do, expense reports submitted by Monday are paid by Friday.

Now, just because I print and mail the checks does not mean I am the one who is holding up your expense check. When I patiently explain to you where the hold-up is in the process (your local bookkeeper, not me at the corporate level), and then empathize with your whiny ass frustration over the delay, I do not expect you to get shitty with me, make unreasonable demands and talk to me like I'm 12. Remember? I am the last person who has a hand on your expense check before it leaves this building.

Oops! Did I miss the mail pick-up today? What? The delivery address was not visible through the window in the envelope? Really? That was $925.75 and not $25.75? I must have made a keying error! Oh! I put that in the wrong overnight envelope - sorry about that!