Are You Sure You Want to Go There?

I work in accounting. My job is usually quite routine and doesn't require much interaction with our outside sales force. Quite honestly, this is a good thing because I just don't think they are as wonderful as they think they are. I make sure they get their expense reimbursement and commission checks and everyone is happy ... usually ...

Today is Monday, so we must have an exception, right? There has got to be some asshole sales rep who is pissed off that he didn't get laid this weekend he had a boring weekend and he's got to find someone to take that out on. I understand that, but next time he might want to choose someone other than me.

See, I am relatively easy to get along with, that is until you decide to be a prick demanding. As is the case in all offices, we have a procedure for processing expense checks. It's not a perfect process - there are a few steps that are somewhat repetitive - but if everyone does what they are supposed to do, expense reports submitted by Monday are paid by Friday.

Now, just because I print and mail the checks does not mean I am the one who is holding up your expense check. When I patiently explain to you where the hold-up is in the process (your local bookkeeper, not me at the corporate level), and then empathize with your whiny ass frustration over the delay, I do not expect you to get shitty with me, make unreasonable demands and talk to me like I'm 12. Remember? I am the last person who has a hand on your expense check before it leaves this building.

Oops! Did I miss the mail pick-up today? What? The delivery address was not visible through the window in the envelope? Really? That was $925.75 and not $25.75? I must have made a keying error! Oh! I put that in the wrong overnight envelope - sorry about that!