I've been active online for 15+ years, starting in forums and email lists. When I made the jump to blogging, I really tried to keep those two worlds separate As you'll see from this post, that didn't work out so well for me.
I have had similar run-ins a few times since this post was written, one of which resulted in a reader (who I also know in "real life") contacting my employer via an anonymous email (later tracked by IP address) and "outing" my tumblr blog in an attempt to jeopardize my employment.
The good news? It was a valuable lesson learned early. Trying to keep your online world from colliding with your real life world is next to impossible. Your best bet is to be who you are, be accountable for what you write, and accept that anything you write can be found by anyone online.
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A little background. When I moved from Maryland to Minnesota in 1998 due to a company acquisition, I was in desperate need of a support system. I was a single mom to a 2-year old. I had just moved halfway across the country to a place that held nothing for me but dark memories. I had no family within 1,500 miles, and I knew no one in my new "home" state.
While surfing the net one day, I came across a Single Moms email list that I thought might be helpful. I subscribed and built some very strong cyber friendships, and even a few amazing real life friendships. Sure, there were ups and downs on the list - any time you get a large group of women together there are plenty of opportunities for snarky cat fights - but overall it was just what I needed - a group of women who had been where I was that had made it through. That meant I could too!
Over the years there were some list members that I frequently butted heads with. My Anon commenter yesterday was one of those. She and I often saw things differently - from parenting to politics - and many a nasty word was said. We were always able to come to some resolution though, and life moved on.
Not long after starting Half Nekkid Thursday (HNT) on my blog, one of the list members asked about it. I had one of those email brain farts where you reply to all rather than replying to the individual, and posted the link to my blog to the entire Single Moms email list.
I am certain there were many on the list who questioned my blog writings and HNT pics, but there were two, in particular, who were quite vocal and critical. These two women did their best to shame me in a group of women that I had grown to respect, and who had grown to respect me. Each of them claimed to be doing it for my own "good."
I attempted to defend myself for about a month, but every time the topic died down, one of the two would bring it up again. I asked, respectfully, that they stop reading the blog and/or stop discussing it on the Single Moms email list. They believed that because my blog was public, they should be able to bring up any part of it they wanted, any where they wanted.
*shrugs*
I left the list. It was difficult - many of these women had been around when I became a member of the list 10 years ago - but I was tired of trying to explain myself - tired of hearing the criticisms (I get enough of that at home) - tired of feeling that I didn't belong. I didn't make some "I'm taking my ball and playing somewhere else" exit speech, I just quietly walked out the door and closed it behind me.
I've been quite impressed with the blogger community I stepped into. Those of you who read me regularly, as well as those who just stop by for HNT, have been amazingly supportive. I know that you don't necessarily agree with what I'm doing all of the time, but you offer positive thoughts, stories and often just a smile. Those are the things that keep me going these days - that remind me that when I'm ready, I can make good decisions and have the life I deserve. I know that my life is a train wreck and I don't ever take your support as a blanket "atta-boy," but the positive way that y'all approach difficult situations has given me a different perspective.
At least one of these two women (and I'm almost certain, both of them) have come out from behind the lurker curtain (they've both continued to read me over the past few months) to judge me and shame me in yet another public forum. One of them claims this is about security - both mine and that of my family - (and to a certain extent I understand that) but there is always this underlying tone of how "wrong" I am for doing what I do.
This time they are on my playground, yet they want to play by their rules. Neither of them seems to realize what a bad decision this is. I'm not quitting, and I'm not going away. I do have some concern that these two women know too much about me and may try to leverage that knowledge to "force" me out of blogging - to shame me even further. In their distorted, self-righteous lives, they believe I am harming myself and my family and they need to "fix" me. They are entitled to their opinion, but it would be good for them to remember that I have just as much knowledge about them.
I won't fight dirty, but I will fight fair.
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