You say Non-Compliant and Defiant Like They Are Bad Things!

I've been putting off writing about this.

Fearing judgment.

Knowing that a few years ago - before having the life experiences I now have - I'd have been critical of a parent telling this story.

Wondering if I could take the public criticism I've convinced myself I deserve.

Cam is struggling - really struggling - in and with school.

At midterm, he is failing all of his core academic classes. He is refusing to do work in class. He is challenging school authority.

Thursday, Cam was suspended for two days. This is not the first time this year he has been suspended.

He is ... non-compliant ... and defiant ...

These are hallmark behaviors of kids on the autism spectrum and with ADD, but this administration, rather than look at the MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED, underlying neurological differences that lead Cam down the non-compliant path, has decided non-compliant will be the reason they are excused from insuring Cam succeeds in school. After all, they can give their best efforts towards Cam's success, but if he is non-compliant, it's not their fault he is failing, right?

If he'd just comply, he'd be successful! His IQ is in the 98th percentile. He obviously has the ability to comply, he just chooses not to. This isn't the school failing Cam, it's Cam failing in school, right??

I mean, if he were truly disabled, we'd be able to see it! His eyes would look funny, or he'd have some sort of nervous tic, or he'd be medicated, right?? That neurological stuff is just an excuse for piss-poor parenting!

*sigh*

This fall, his entire special education support staff changed ... again. 

He has a new case manager - an itty-bitty twenty-something who is a recent graduate and new to the school. She's done little more than try to prove that Cam is a difficult, off-task student (already a given), and claim that she feels intimidated by him when he doesn't comply.

There is a new Education Service Specialist for the high school - an administrator who comes with years of experience and seems to walk the very fine line between pleasing the administrators, and ensuring the minimum federal requirements for special education are met, while placing the oneness of performance squarely on Cam's shoulders, and Cam is not complying.

There is also a new school psychologist. Another twenty-something, recent graduate hipster, with scary eyebrows, who is new to the school. This year is Cam's triennial review for eligibility, so she is fully entrenched in the let-me-prove-myself-by-administering-a-battery-of-tests mindset, even though at Cam's age, any changes in those tests are statistically insignificant. But Cam has no interest in complying with another battery of tests that do nothing for him.

We are, for the 11th year, starting Cam's education plan from scratch. The newest batch of we-can-save-the-children blowhards are convinced they know better than the last batch of we-can-save-the-children blowhards, and they can force Cam to comply, not with incentives, but with punishment; removing him from classes he is already failing, requiring he work for the janitor after school for an hour to serve detention, threatening to take his parking pass away from him.

None of these things is horrific or unreasonable for most kids, but for Cam? The alpha-male, you will do it because I tell you to whether it is logical or not stance results in further non-compliance and defiance. Not only is this another hallmark behavior of kids on the spectrum, but we have TEN YEARS of public school discipline data showing that this type of behavior modification has had a ZERO success rate with Cam.

Yet they continue to do it, all the while expecting different results.

They have had success in one area though. They've succeeded in turning Cam completely against school - pushing him to his breaking point - he is now refusing to attend school at all.

To say I am at my wits end would be an understatement.

To say I am exhausted - emotionally and physically - would be an understatement.

I have given up all hope of Cam being successful in the public school system. 

There is no fight left in this dog.

Ten years of trying to (unsuccessfully) get my son the education he is guaranteed by Federal Law, has pushed me to my breaking point.

Last week, I gave the Dean of Students at the high school a verbal lashing (that is putting it mildly) and then sent a written request to the Principal of the high school that the Dean of Students have NO CONTACT with Cam as the Dean refuses to implement the Behavior Intervention Plan currently in place, opting for what has become adversarial treatment of Cam (at best), bordering on bullying.

I have yet another meeting at the school tomorrow morning at 7:30. This time, instead of the entire IEP team attending (which has been counterproductive), it will be only the school Social Worker, the Education Service Specialist for the high school, me, and possibly the advocate I have been working with this year (if she is available).

We will discuss what options are available for Cam.

I'm considering a combination of public school (for arts, physical education, elective, and one academic class) and home-schooling (on-line curriculum provided at the district's expense) of the remaining core academic classes as possibly our (mine and Cam's) best solution.

We'll see if the meeting tomorrow generates any better ideas.

I'm not the least bit hopeful.