I Am A Conspiracy Theorist

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Conspiracy Theorist
  noun

1. A person who explains an event as being the result of a plot by a covert group or organization; a belief that a particular unexplained event was caused by such a group.

I confess, I am one of those people.

Unlike normal Conspiracy Theorists, I actually believe what the government tells me. I'm fairly certain that Obama is an American and that the attack on the World Trade Center was an outside job ... although I will admit to being a bit on the fence about the whole JFK thing.

Anywhoodle, I am not a normal Conspiracy Theorist.

My focus is on relationship conspiracies - specifically with romantic relationships.

My first pie chart - I'm such a proud math geek!

 

I have yet to find that place where I believe that I am loveable, and since I don't believe I'm loveable, if someone says they love me, it must be a conspiracy.

Just ask Mike. He was the recipient of such a theory yesterday.

I had the whole conspiracy theory typed up and ready to post here today. I let Mike read it last night and he asked that I not publish it. I'm still not certain why he made that request, but I have to believe there was a little piece of him that was worried the rest of you would call me out on my crazy.

It was crazy.

Of course, it wasn't like over the top crazy ... well ... if you ask me anyway. And of course there was no need to delete it (it's sitting in my drafts) because it's just not right to try to delete crazy! Besides, some day I can look back at it and proclaim, "Was I really that whacked at that moment?".

I do this as a form of self-protection. I conjure up the most ridiculous and painful scenario that I can. I create gobs of internal drama and anxiety, figuring that if something happens, some how - some way - I will then be better prepared to deal with it.

It won't catch me off-guard like Alan's suicide did.

Yeah ...

Crazy ...

And something I need to work on before my imagination destroys this very real and loving relationship.

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