Opening Lines 2011

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I could have sworn I've done this in the past, but I'll be dammed if I can find it.  Oh well, that won't stop me from doing it this year!
*shamelessly stolen from Os*

JANUARY - I've often thought the whole New Year's celebration thing was highly overrated (Where I waxed poetic about a TO-DO list rather than New Year's Resolutions).

FEBRUARY - Hey! Where have y'all been? What? Y'all have been around, but I haven't? Maybe if I had a pair of Chuck Norris' ACTION JEANS I'd be kicking ass and taking names, but alas, my pajama jeans aren't having the same effect (Continuing struggles with Cam).

MARCH - That he's not 18 yet?? It seems like it was forever ago that he was this adorable little ball of fluff - drooling and dripping all over me (My standard March 1st blog post).

APRIL - I fear that if I let you inside the walls you'll find nothing in there that you'll want (Sunday secret).

MAY - There! I said it, but it might surprise you to learn just how much anxiety has taken over basic functional parts of my life (Where I discuss my inability to talk to strangers).

JUNE - [...] (When blogging started getting really thin last year)

JULY - It's been a while, hasn't it?  What I though would be a few weeks away from the blog turned into over two months away from the blog (Obviously when I came back).

AUGUST - I have been an organ donor since getting my license (over 3 decades), have been a regular blood donor since turning 18 and pay an extra $25 per year to have a Donor Awareness license plate on my car, proceeds helping support organ/tissue donor awareness efforts across the state (Where I encouraged everyone to explore Be The Match registry).

SEPTEMBER - [...] (Another blogging gap)

OCTOBER - I've stopped wandering and am officially lost having pushed away all who cared making sure my greatest fear became a reality (Sunday secret).

NOVEMBER - Every day I hope my demons will never turn into your demons (yet another Sunday secret).

DECEMBER - I have an aunt and uncle who are very dear to me ... far more like parents than my own parents were (Sharing a piece of a handwritten letter from my uncle).

After reading Emmy's A Rant And A Challenge post, I'm going to try to get back here more frequently.

Yes ... I know ... I think I said those very same words at least 7.2 times last year, but maybe they'll stick this time.

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HNT - The Finale

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"For good and evil, man is a free creative spirit.
This produces the very queer world we live in,
a world in continuous creation and therefore
continuous change and insecurity."
~ Joyce Cary

Well?  All good things must come to an end, right?  No, not the blog (yet) but HNT ...

What started out as my selfish, passive-aggressive attempt at internet validation in February of 2008 became so much more

A reflection of self

Documentation of life events

Personal insight

A chance to express myself creatively

I've had a love/hate relationship with HNT ... and with myself ... and my photos have often reflected that (current status --> HATE myself)

In the almost 4 years since I first dabbled in the HNT nekkidness, I finished losing - then regained - 100 lbs. I fence sat in a marriage that needed to (and eventually did) end. Cam got his learner's permit. I joined twitter and tumblr. I dealt with cyber stalking. Cam struggled in public school, was then placed in a therapeutic day school and is now (as of January 2nd) back at the public school

And I've made many, many friends - several who were initially connected to HNT in some way (participants, oglers, etc.) who later became friends in real life. There happens to be one of those oglers who has recently become a very special part of my life. The ripples of HNT reach far and long

Hindsight being what it is, HNT was never really about perfection or traditional beauty (although at times it felt that way) - it was about community and learning to see the beauty in every person who was a part of that diverse community

I'm so glad I stumbled upon HNT

And I'm a little sad to see it go

*NOTE* Os put together a fabulous tribute to HNT [HERE]  It contains the words and photos of many who participated along the way. Worth taking a long ogle at

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Remembering Where I Came From

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I have an aunt and uncle who are very dear to me ... far more like parents than my own parents were.

When I was 15, life in my own home became unbearable. One snowy January morning, I navigated my way the 40+ miles (on foot and public transportation) to the Greyhound station in downtown Seattle, bought a bus ticket to Spokane (where they live) with money I had been saving for months, and headed east. I spent 2 days living in the Spokane Greyhound station before I called them and asked if I could live with them.

They embraced the idea, found a bed for me, and made plans to have me transfer to the local high school and become a part of their family.

Unfortunately, my parents had different plans. Two weeks after arriving in Spokane my father gave me an ultimatum - get on a Greyhound bus back to Seattle within 24 hours, or he was coming to get me.

I got on the bus.

The last year or so my uncle (now 81) has taken to hand writing letters to Cam and me.

Following is an excerpt from the one I received this weekend. It made me so homesick - something I didn't know was possible at my age - and reminded me that there were some wonderful memories made in that very tumultuous time

Dear Dana & Cameron,

Sitting here looking at the pictures of Cameron and wondering how that good looking young man is doing. He's growing up so fast and really miss you guys being closer so we can be part of the growing up.

...

We only had 23 for Thanksgiving as Rick's kids went to their mother's house this year but was real nice. All are coming for Christmas Eve so we'll have 30+. Be fun and we are going to have a "White Elephant" draw this year so everyone only brings one gift.

We'll have a big taco feed Christmas Eve and ones who don't go to their in-laws, etc. can come Christmas Day for a big ham and scalloped potato dinner.

...

Well, enjoy the holidays and do plan to come visit in 2012. Better yet, move closer, OK?

Love you both and wish you a blessed holiday season!

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