Sunday Secret

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Friday Wrap-Up

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I'm guest posting again today, this time over at Lynn's (Real Live Lesbian's) place. Go! Read! Well ... after you are done here. Priorities and all you know ...

Actually, I hijacked her blog because she forgot to rescind my access many moons ago. Let that be a lesson to any of the rest of you who dare to offer me a chance to guest blog! I feel like I've spent more time this week writing elsewhere than I have here ... maybe because I have!

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I had one of those moments this week where a blog post I wrote - one that I'd have never guessed would get much, if any, of a reaction - had a very unintended (and hurtful) consequence. I don't like being hurt by anyone, but it's even worse when I am the one doling out the hurt, especially when it's unintended.

After attempting to justify my position and explain why my post shouldn't have been hurtful, I pulled my head out of my ass and did what I should have done from the beginning - I apologized.

Unfortunately, I think the idiocy of my initial attempts at justification outweighed the sincerity of my apology, not because my apology was at all insincere, but because my idiocy was immense. It now appears that what I thought was a promising friendship is now likely damaged beyond repair.

I don't like life lessons like that ...

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Remember Friday Fill-Ins???

And here we go ....

1. In 1992, I was finishing up my 12-month tour in Korea and learning that the best cure for a hangover was a shot of tequila with a Mountain Dew chaser.

2. There is nothing worse than fake laughter and smiles.

3. Do what you will, with what you find, where you find it.

4. Free to be me is where I'd like to be.

5. The trees and flowers are telling me nothing you silly! Trees and flowers can't talk!.

6. Spring in Podunk is the winter that just keeps going on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to grocery shopping (it was payday yesterday), tomorrow my plans include volunteering at the food bank with Cam and Sunday, I want to well not really want to, but have to, got to husband's house to borrow some tools to fix the headlight on my car ... again!

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Favorite photos from my Project 365 blog this week?

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Random Dozen

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... because I'm functioning on very little sleep and would prefer to not have to think too much ...

1. Define a great relationship.

I cannot begin to tell you how ironic this question is at this particular moment in my life.

In my perfect world a great relationship is built on communication, trust, mutual respect, understanding, empathy, loyalty and unconditional love - communication being the foundation of all of those other qualities and likely the most difficult component to master.

2. Why is it called a "drive-through" if you have to stop? (Real question: What was the last food/drink you purchased at a drive-through?)

Let's see, last Sunday morning (laundry day), McDonald's #1 (Egg McMuffin) with a large coffee - 1 Splenda, 2 creams. They like me at McDonald's because I know what I want when I get to the speaker and I answer all of their questions (i.e. "What would you like in your coffee?") before they even have to ask them. I take great pride in my drive-through efficiency. Matt-Man would be so proud!

3. As I type this, the Butler Bulldogs are getting ready to play in the NCAA championship game. Every Hoosier is hysterical about this except me. So in honor of the Bulldogs ... what is your favorite breed of dog? (I tried.)

I am partial to Golden Retrievers - loyal and loving - two of the qualities I look for in all relationships!

4. If you had to move to a state besides the one you currently live in, where would you move?

Probably Washington. The older I get the more I realize the value of family ... and I miss mine!

5. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I was tempted to go for the "I wouldn't change anything because then I wouldn't be me" spiel, but the truth is there is one thing I really don't like about me and I believe it would have been a non-issue had my upbringing been different. I wish I had grown up receiving unconditional love.

I have grown so weary of feeling like I always have to "earn" love and friendship - wondering what it is I'll screw up "this time" that will push people away - always questioning if I really am deserving of love and friendship. I can't imagine (really - I can't) what it would be like to know and believe - without a doubt - that I was good enough.

6. Who's the funniest person you know?

In "real" life? Wow ... I don't know any people that I would describe as funny. If that's not telling, I'm not sure what is.

If we include know like in the blog sense know, I could easily say Jay. He regularly cracks me up not only in his blog posts, but on Twitter as well.

7. Did you get enough sleep last night?

No. Since moving into the apartment four months ago, insomnia has been my constant companion. I fall asleep fairly easy, but wake up three, four ... sometimes even more times each night. I cannot remember the last time I slept through even a 3-hour stretch of time.

8. What's the first thing you thought about this morning?

When I officially got out of bed, or the first time I woke up "in the morning" (2:13 AM)? When I got out of bed my first thought was COFFEE. At 2:13 AM I was considering ways I might be able to repair a situation that took an unexpected - and completely undesired - turn yesterday.

9. Grilled or Fried? --HONESTLY

Grilled ... with only a rare exception. I like my meat to taste like the meat it is, not the coating it's covered in.

10. Are you afraid of the dark?

Ummm ... I do have night-lights in all of my rooms.

11.When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Most of you already know this - my first career choice was an attorney. Then I had the silly notion that I could make a living in music performance. When reality smacked me up along side the head I changed my college major to engineering.

That worked until I dropped out of college, gave up on dreams and opted for practicality, focusing on a career in something I was actually good at - accounting.

Then I dared to dream again and considered a medical career but was too afraid I'd fail and let go of that dream. When I finally went back to college (at 40), I did pursue the initial dream (kind of) and completed my degree in paralegal studies. And where am I now? Back in my comfort zone doing something I'm good at (accounting) but have absolutely no passion for.

12. If you had one word to describe yourself , what would you choose?

Simple, as in childlike: exhibiting childlike simplicity and credulity; "childlike trust"; "dewy-eyed innocence"; "listened in round-eyed wonder" ... not simple as in dim-witted: lacking mental capacity and subtlety ... although some might disagree with that.

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