I'm sure most of you heard the story of Madlyn Primoff - the lawyer/mother from an affluent New York suburb who ordered her bickering 10 and 12-year-old daughters out of her car in a business district three miles from their home, and drove off. She was charged with child endangerment and spent the night in jail.
Yesterday,
Another Suburban Mom wrote about a British government study that is looking into fining parents for their children's misbehavior in the classroom - forcing them to “share the responsibility for maintaining discipline” through financial punishment.
Parents can be fined the equivalent of $75 if their kids are caught in a public place without a good reason within the first five days of being suspended or expelled. The fine doubles if it’s not paid within a month. And — parents have to be interviewed by teachers before their child is allowed to return to school.
Schools can also require parents of children who are misbehaving to take parenting classes. If they don’t attend, they can be fined up to $1,500.
What is a parent to do? In the Madlyn Primoff case you have a mother who is attempting to make a point with children that are old enough to understand consequences for their actions, yet the government steps in and calls it child endangerment. How far is the U.S. from the financially motivated and punitive actions being considered by the British government? Do you want me to discipline my child(ren) or do you want to punish me for not doing it the government's way?
I should have some freedom in raising my child the way I feel is fit (withing the realm of reality - I'm not talking about physical abuse, neglect, etc. here). The government wants me to be a "good" parent, but then punishes me if I take a natural consequences approach like Madlyn Primoff did?
Quite frankly, (and without knowing the full details of the Primoff case), I'd say the real criminals in this situation were the couple who picked up the 10-year old girl, took her out for ice cream, then decided this was a matter best handled by the police rather than one to be handled in a community/neighborly way. They took it upon themselves to be judge and jury for Primoff's actions rather than phoning her, hearing her side of the story and offering a little empathy (empathy
does belong in the community, not in the
Supreme Court). It is "criminal" that so many people are quick to call the authorities, escalating a problem that could be handled in a much less intrusive manner.
I'm guessing most of you will see this in one of three ways:
- This is appalling, neglectful, and abusive parenting. A well-to-do mom - an attorney - is completely lacking in such basic parenting skills? She should be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law and her parental rights should be questioned.
- What's the big deal? The girls are 10 and 12, not toddlers. They were left in an area they were familiar with and within walking distance of their home. So a couple of tweens with attitude are held accountable for their behavior and have to walk home - maybe they'll learn a lesson.
- I'm torn. I can understand reaching this level of frustration as a parent, but this was just taking it a little too far.
What do you think? Child endangerment? Natural consequences? Or somewhere in between?
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I'm sure most of you heard the story of Madlyn Primoff - the lawyer/mother from an affluent New York suburb who ordered her bickering 10 and 12-year-old daughters out of her car in a business district three miles from their home, and drove off. She was charged with child endangerment and spent the night in jail.
I should have some freedom in raising my child the way I feel is fit (withing the realm of reality - I'm not talking about physical abuse, neglect, etc. here). The government wants me to be a "good" parent, but then punishes me if I take a natural consequences approach like Madlyn Primoff did?