Three Stikes

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The caller ID showed the call was coming from the middle school. My heart started beating a little faster and I hesitated before picking it up. These aren't usually good calls.

"Dana, I need you to come to my office now."

It was the principal. No explanation. No indication of what happened. Just the demand.

The school is just minutes from where I work. In fact, It probably takes me longer to shut down my computer system and get to my car than it takes to actually drive to the school. When I rounded the corner, I half expected to see at least one squad car in the parking lot. I knew this was serious - I had never received a call quite like that one.

No police in the parking lot. Whew! I start thinking I may have over-reacted or misread the phone call. Maybe ...

... or not. After talking to the principal for a bit (Cam was beyond frustrated and had COMPLETELY shut down. When I walked in the door he was curled up in a chair with his sweatshirt drawn up completely over his head) I learned that Cam had made a threat against the school. This wasn't just bad, this was really bad.

This week the entire school is participating in the Illinois Standard Achievement Tests (ISATs). This is a BIG deal - not for the kids (although the school certainly positions it that way) but for the school. ISATs are how the government determines if a school is making adequate yearly progress (AYP). Cam's school did not make AYP last year.

All of the IEP and 504 kids are segregated during ISATs. They are placed in a room monitored solely by SpecEd staff. The teacher's own written representation of the events indicates she escalated the situation, but Cam's response was completely inappropriate.

All classes in Cam's middle school operate on a three strike rule. Any time any child is acting up they are given a verbal warning explaining what the unacceptable behavior is and told, "This is strike one." If another event occurs, the same process is repeated ending in "This is strike two." If there is a third occurrence, it becomes strike three and the student is sent from the classroom to the office.

According to both Cam and the SpecEd teacher, Cam was talking in class and given strike one. According to the teacher, Cam was given several "cues" that should have (the favorite phrase of the school) indicated he was receiving strike two, however she never said "strike two," instead she demanded Cam leave the room immediately.

Now, for a neuro-typical kid, this wouldn't be an issue. Sure, the student would complain it was unfair and might even say, "This isn't fair" before walking out of the class and heading to the office. For a kid on the autism spectrum this is melt-down material ... and that is EXACTLY what happened.

I don't want this to sound like I am absolving Cam of any responsibility for what happened. Cam chose the words (something along the lines of "If I had guns and detonation packs, this school would be gone") and the words were completely unacceptable. Thinking them is one thing - professing them to a class full of 8th graders is beyond unacceptable.

That said, there is absolutely no reason this situation should have gotten to where it did. The SpecEd teacher handled it completely wrong for a spectrum kid - in fact, for any kid. She changed the rules without letting Cam know (strike one), she engaged Cam in an argument in front of his peers (strike two) and she criticized him publicly (strike three - you're outa here).

Of course, there is a policy in place for this type of threat. We live in a society where kids don't just say these things, they do them. This is a place where zero tolerance really does make sense and I knew the punishment would be serious - possibly expel-able.

The principal brought in the school social worker who explained the process. Cam would need to complete a "risk of harm" evaluation at one of two behavioral health units in the area. The school district would cover the cost of the "risk of harm" evaluation, however I would need to cover any treatment recommended.

She gave me the paperwork and sent us on our way. At this point, I had no idea what the repercussions would be for Cam. Would this be a suspension or would he be expelled from school?

We spent four hours at the assessment. They determined Cam did not pose an imminent threat to himself or to others. They recommended the following:

FOLLOW UP WITH YOUR SCHEDULED APPOINTMENT FOR THE NEUROPSYCH (I scheduled this appointment weeks ago) ON 3/8. FOLLOW UP WITH OUTPATIENT COUNSELING AS WELL AS A MEDICATION EVALUATION WITH A PSYCHIATRIST.

The good news is their recommendation is exactly what I was already doing - what the school knew I was doing - and the assessor indicated she was certain this was a frustrated reaction to a situational event, not an indication of a planned assault on the school.

Yesterday I learned Cam's "official" school punishment is a 10-day suspension, reduced to 5 days after completion of the "risk of harm" assessment.

I talked to my employer yesterday and they are allowing me to work 1/2 days (8:30 - 12:30) through the end of next week, taking "unplanned" vacation for the other 4 hours (company policy is we can take vacation only in 8-hour increments and must give 2-weeks notice of intent to take vacation).

My greatest concern now is sending Cam back to school next Wednesday - not because I am concerned about the safety of others in the school (for the record, Cam does not have access to guns or a detonation pack - I even searched his room to be certain), but because I am concerned about Cam's safety.

I need to find out what my options are - if there is any way I can get Cam through the 8th grade without subjecting him to what really has become a "hostile" learning environment. I don't want to send him back. I believe Cam's current school environment is increasing his behavioral issues. It's a mess for everyone.

WWBD (What would bloggers do)?

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It Takes A Village

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What has happened to neighborhoods? To the small town benefit of everyone knowing who your kid is and looking out for them? To parents speaking to parents when they see kids doing things they know the parents wouldn't possibly think were appropriate?

In my Friday wrap-up, I mention that Cam was suspended from school for a zero tolerance issue. In a nutshell, Cam "found" (ummm ... OK ...) a lighter and decided a little game of show-and-tell at the bus stop was appropriate. Cam and I leave the house at the same time - he has 5-10 minutes of unsupervised time at the bus stop - and apparently he decided this was his best use of time.

That night, one of the three other kids who wait at that bus stop informed their parent that Cam was playing with a lighter that morning. All three of these kids live within one block of my house. I know them all and have met their parents on at least one occasion. With this information in hand, the parent decides it is much more appropriate to call the school principal and inform him of the lighter issue than it is to come knock on my door to inform me.

When Cam arrived at school the following day, he was immediately escorted into the Principal's office and physically searched - the lighter was still in his pocket. Both of his lockers (regular and gym) were searched. Fortunately, nothing was found in either of his lockers. In my school district, lighters are considered "any object that could cause injury to themselves or other students" and result in an immediate school suspension.

Now mind you, I understand (but despise) zero tolerance policies. I understand that Cam took the lighter, a forbidden item, to school. Cam should have been suspended at that point. What I don't understand is a parent feeling it is more appropriate to report the issue that occurred on a public street to the school principal than it is to address it with the parent - especially when this parent knows me.

Have we really become such a spineless, tattle-tale, passive-aggressive society that we can't talk to a parent about the unacceptable behaviors of their child? Am I in the minority? If I see a child doing something dangerous/wrong (walking in the middle of the street, throwing rocks at cars, etc.) I address the child (in a calm adult manner) and if I know the parents, I will call them as well. I live in a town of 3500 people. Everyone is familiar with everyone else in this community. The fact that this parent decided it was more appropriate for the SCHOOL to discipline my child than it was for me to discipline my child is somewhat disconcerting.

I had several gut reactions to this. My first was to resign my position as PTO president - out of embarrassment and principle. It is likely one of the PTO members is the parent who made the report to the school. I also considered visiting the home of each of the kids at the bus stop to ask the parents to please bring any issue like this to me first, then to the school if they felt I was not addressing it and their child's safety remained an issue of concern.

My final decision? Rather than running away, I've decided my position as PTO president gives me a platform of sorts. I actually have the opportunity to bring my concern to light and address it with the very group of parents who are part of the problem and who have the capacity for change. Will it work? I don't know, but I do know that if I do nothing, nothing will change, and our kids deserve better.

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