~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What has happened to neighborhoods? To the small town benefit of everyone knowing who your kid is and looking out for them? To parents speaking to parents when they see kids doing things they know the parents wouldn't possibly think were appropriate?
In my Friday wrap-up, I mention that Cam was suspended from school for a zero tolerance issue. In a nutshell, Cam "found" (ummm ... OK ...) a lighter and decided a little game of show-and-tell at the bus stop was appropriate. Cam and I leave the house at the same time - he has 5-10 minutes of unsupervised time at the bus stop - and apparently he decided this was his best use of time.
That night, one of the three other kids who wait at that bus stop informed their parent that Cam was playing with a lighter that morning. All three of these kids live within one block of my house. I know them all and have met their parents on at least one occasion. With this information in hand, the parent decides it is much more appropriate to call the school principal and inform him of the lighter issue than it is to come knock on my door to inform me.
When Cam arrived at school the following day, he was immediately escorted into the Principal's office and physically searched - the lighter was still in his pocket. Both of his lockers (regular and gym) were searched. Fortunately, nothing was found in either of his lockers. In my school district, lighters are considered "any object that could cause injury to themselves or other students" and result in an immediate school suspension.
Now mind you, I understand (but despise) zero tolerance policies. I understand that Cam took the lighter, a forbidden item, to school. Cam should have been suspended at that point. What I don't understand is a parent feeling it is more appropriate to report the issue that occurred on a public street to the school principal than it is to address it with the parent - especially when this parent knows me.
Have we really become such a spineless, tattle-tale, passive-aggressive society that we can't talk to a parent about the unacceptable behaviors of their child? Am I in the minority? If I see a child doing something dangerous/wrong (walking in the middle of the street, throwing rocks at cars, etc.) I address the child (in a calm adult manner) and if I know the parents, I will call them as well. I live in a town of 3500 people. Everyone is familiar with everyone else in this community. The fact that this parent decided it was more appropriate for the SCHOOL to discipline my child than it was for me to discipline my child is somewhat disconcerting.
I had several gut reactions to this. My first was to resign my position as PTO president - out of embarrassment and principle. It is likely one of the PTO members is the parent who made the report to the school. I also considered visiting the home of each of the kids at the bus stop to ask the parents to please bring any issue like this to me first, then to the school if they felt I was not addressing it and their child's safety remained an issue of concern.
My final decision? Rather than running away, I've decided my position as PTO president gives me a platform of sorts. I actually have the opportunity to bring my concern to light and address it with the very group of parents who are part of the problem and who have the capacity for change. Will it work? I don't know, but I do know that if I do nothing, nothing will change, and our kids deserve better.
In my Friday wrap-up, I mention that Cam was suspended from school for a zero tolerance issue. In a nutshell, Cam "found" (ummm ... OK ...) a lighter and decided a little game of show-and-tell at the bus stop was appropriate. Cam and I leave the house at the same time - he has 5-10 minutes of unsupervised time at the bus stop - and apparently he decided this was his best use of time.
That night, one of the three other kids who wait at that bus stop informed their parent that Cam was playing with a lighter that morning. All three of these kids live within one block of my house. I know them all and have met their parents on at least one occasion. With this information in hand, the parent decides it is much more appropriate to call the school principal and inform him of the lighter issue than it is to come knock on my door to inform me.
When Cam arrived at school the following day, he was immediately escorted into the Principal's office and physically searched - the lighter was still in his pocket. Both of his lockers (regular and gym) were searched. Fortunately, nothing was found in either of his lockers. In my school district, lighters are considered "any object that could cause injury to themselves or other students" and result in an immediate school suspension.
Now mind you, I understand (but despise) zero tolerance policies. I understand that Cam took the lighter, a forbidden item, to school. Cam should have been suspended at that point. What I don't understand is a parent feeling it is more appropriate to report the issue that occurred on a public street to the school principal than it is to address it with the parent - especially when this parent knows me.
Have we really become such a spineless, tattle-tale, passive-aggressive society that we can't talk to a parent about the unacceptable behaviors of their child? Am I in the minority? If I see a child doing something dangerous/wrong (walking in the middle of the street, throwing rocks at cars, etc.) I address the child (in a calm adult manner) and if I know the parents, I will call them as well. I live in a town of 3500 people. Everyone is familiar with everyone else in this community. The fact that this parent decided it was more appropriate for the SCHOOL to discipline my child than it was for me to discipline my child is somewhat disconcerting.
I had several gut reactions to this. My first was to resign my position as PTO president - out of embarrassment and principle. It is likely one of the PTO members is the parent who made the report to the school. I also considered visiting the home of each of the kids at the bus stop to ask the parents to please bring any issue like this to me first, then to the school if they felt I was not addressing it and their child's safety remained an issue of concern.
My final decision? Rather than running away, I've decided my position as PTO president gives me a platform of sorts. I actually have the opportunity to bring my concern to light and address it with the very group of parents who are part of the problem and who have the capacity for change. Will it work? I don't know, but I do know that if I do nothing, nothing will change, and our kids deserve better.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
