Hug O'War

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I will not play at Tug O'War
I'd rather play at Hug O'War
Where everyone hugs, instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rugs,
Where everyone kisses and everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles and everyone wins.
~ Shel Silverstein

Did you know that today is National Hugging Day? No? I didn't either, but when I read about it I started thinking about how important touch really is, and how little of it is in my life.

One drunken night, while on twitter, I wrote:

I'd have sex with a stranger right now just to be touched.

Yeah? So?? It's true ... and extremely pathetic ... but ... but ...

With the exception of a friendly hug goodbye now and again, it has been, what? Over two years since I've been in a place where reciprocal touch happened regularly with anyone? I'm not talking about sex here, I'm talking about general touch. I miss holding hands. I miss hugs. I miss laying my head in someone's lap and falling asleep.

I miss touch - being touched and being able to touch someone else - and I've really not given any validation to how lonely that makes me feel.

I do a lot of internal rationalization - Cam needs to come first right now - my needs can be addressed when Cam graduates from high school - adding someone to this mess of a life I have would just make it messier and be unfair to everyone involved.

I've convinced myself that I shouldn't be lonely. That I shouldn't miss being touched. This should be enough. I should be happy. For goodness sakes there are homeless people and sick children and ... and ... I'm whining about being lonely and not being touched?? I have a roof over my head and reasonably good health. What's not to be happy about?? It could be so much worse, right??

More importantly, I've told myself that missing touch - being lonely - is my penance to be paid for the choices I've made. Somehow, that seems a more rational and sensible explanation.

I'm not sure how to fix this. I mean, I can fix the shitty self-talk, but maybe lonely is just where I have to be right now. Maybe reciprocal touch is reserved for other people - people who are more deserving (for lack of a better word) of it? Maybe it's just not as big deal as I make it out to be.

And no, I'm really not feeling sorry for myself. It's just where life is right now, but I do wonder just how much reciprocal touch plays a part in all of it.

*shrugs*

Go hug someone today! They might need to be touched!

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To Hug Or Not To Hug?

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Hi! My name is Dana and I am a hugger.

*everyone chime in* Welcome Dana!

I haven't always been this way. It's something that seems to have taken over my life in the last 5 years or so. I've never thought much about the transition from non-hugger to hugger, it just sort of happened.

When Annie and Burl did a hugging story on their show a while back (if you aren't listening to them on Blog Talk Radio, you are missing out) discussing Jeff Ondash, a serial hugger who set a world record for most hugs in a 24-hour period - 7,777 - I started wondering what it was that sent me off the hugging deep end.

I'll admit it, hugging is a bit selfish on my part. It makes me feel good. My hope is that it makes the huggee feel good too, but I am all too aware of the creepy crawlies that occur when you are NOT a hugger and are assaulted in the arms of family, friends and strangers.

I had one of those awkward "to hug or not to hug" moments yesterday. For the first time in the almost three years that I have been blogging, a blogger - the elusive WE'RE DOOMED - came to Podunk to meet up with me! When we got out of our vehicles, he held out his hand offering it in a handshake, and I said, "Oh, I think we need to hug," and proceeded to do just that.

Based on his "posture" during the hug, I think that was a safe move on my part, but it could have just as easily gone the other way. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than giving a hug and getting feedback (only shoulders touching, huggee doing everything they can to not have full-frontal contact, the squishy arm sling, the gratuitous shoulder pat, etc.) that let's you know you've committed hugging sin.

Speaking of hugging sin, do y'all know about side-hugs? I had never heard of side-hugs until getting involved in church again. Apparently full-frontal hugs can go from friendly to sensual in the blink of an eye, therefor they are BANNED in many youth ministries and have been replaced with side-hugs with only shoulder-to-shoulder contact. Odd ...

Anyway, do tell! Are you are hugger?

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