I debated whether or not to write this post.
Chances are, a few of you will act in your normal, judgmental fashion and feel compelled to spew your vile mortification. So, let me get this out of the way now.
Fuck you! I don't need, or want, to hear you condemnation of my parenting. I've questioned (and continue to question) how I failed in this situation. If you are inclined to use this as an opportunity to attempt to humiliate me, go away now. Clear?
While Cam was at Fall Retreat last weekend I went through his room. That's right ... I invaded his
privacy. You see, I am a parent who believes
privacy is earned. If I have reason to believe you are doing something illegal or harmful to yourself or others, I will go through your stuff (including text messages), for as long as you live in my home, I am legally responsible for your actions, and I pay for your cell phone plan.
Based on what I was hearing from the
Addiction Counselor at Cam's school, I thought it might be a good idea to take a look-see.
The good news? I found no drugs nor any drug paraphernalia.
Instead, I found condoms and empty condom wrappers. OY!
I had an idea Cam and his GF were sexually active. I've talked to them together, and Cam individually, on several occasions. We've discussed that abstinence is preferred (especially at this age) but that if they decide to make adult decisions about having sex, they had better act in an adult way and use condoms - EVERY time.
The GF's mother and I operate on the same level. The two are not allowed to spend time together - alone (i.e. without an adult in the home) and doors to bedrooms remain open. Although this doesn't guarantee nothing will happen between the two, it certainly lessens the opportunity.
I thought I had my bases covered.
I was wrong.
Yesterday, I was visited by the mom of one of Cam's "friends" ... of the girl variety. This is not a girl who Cam has ever "dated", but she has been to the house on occasion and Cam has spent time at her house.
Apparently they've been spending some
alone time together.
This conversation could have gone really, REALLY bad. We could have been talking about a 14-year old being pregnant rather than discussing her emotional and physical well-being (for that I am grateful).
I was thrilled (in an odd way) that her mother came to the house to talk to me. It was a conversation between two concerned parents rather than personal attacks and finger pointing.
We have a plan in place to address this.
I also promised the mother I would talk to Cam.
It's a good thing I had several hours to contemplate my approach on this as it allowed me to be calm (kind of) and rational (almost).
When Cam got home from his GF's house, I said, "We need to talk" - figured I had better get him used to the anxiety associated with those 4 words - he'll hear them many more times in his life.
I told him that I had been visited by "friend's" mother today and asked him if he had any idea why she might have stopped by. He told me he had an idea to which I replied "Tell me your idea."
He gave me that look - the one that says "I'm too embarrassed to tell you and besides, you already know."
I addressed his silence by saying, "If you are going to make adult decisions, you are going to sit down and have an adult conversation with me about your decisions." The look of horror on his face was priceless!
We did sit down and we did talk, about the physical ramifications of his actions (i.e. condoms are NOT an option and they are NOT reusable, no matter what his friends might tell him) the emotional ramifications of his actions (according to the mom, her daughter is now obsessed with Cam and is using her willingness to have sex with him as a means to "take him away" from his GF) and the ramifications on his future, her future, and the future of everyone else who would be impacted should there be a pregnancy.
This was not a discussion I expected to have with my 14-year old son. He is far too young (IMHO) to be sexually active. I explained that I was extremely disappointed in his decision and his actions, but that my greatest concern was for the emotional and physical well-being of all parties involved.
He understands that he will be buying condoms - I will finance the purchase, but he will go to the store, take them from the shelf, bring them to a cashier and pay for them. If he is too embarrassed to buy condoms he is not in a position to be making the decision to have sex.
And all the while I am feeling like a complete failure as a parent.
This is not what I wanted for my son.
I didn't think this was how I was parenting him.
Obviously I screwed up ... again ...
~*~*~
