You're Hovering

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Last week I wrote a post on creative punishments - in short, praising parents who resort to public humiliation of their children in an attempt to get them in line. No, I don't think this is a form of punishment that should be used regularly, but I see no issue with it being used sparingly and as a consequence to the equally severe actions of kids.

There were a handful of nay-sayers to my post, and I'm not surprised. Being PTO president, I am exposed to a number of parents who would never dream of making their kids an example. Actually, they wouldn't have the time to make an example of their children because they spend all of their waking hours making excuses for them, "fighting" their battles for them and yes, even doing their homework for them.

It starts in elementary school, but becomes problematic in middle school - when kids should be learning how to make decisions rather than having them made for them. When learning that there is accountability for poor choices is critical.

Hello? You're hovering. You realize that, right? No ... you probably don't. The media, pediatricians, psychologists and even the college deans call it call it helicopter parenting. I call it raising a generation of kids who have never been given the critical life skills of decision making and problem solving.

Seriously people, you are obsessed with your children. You treat them like little princes and princesses - they are No. 1, MVPs, gifted - and a pain in my ass. You've diligently planned their lives from Baby Einstein videos and their first play date, to their first day of college. You shuttle them from soccer practice, to piano lessons, to karate, and, because they will attend only the best college and must have high SAT scores, to Language Stars Classes before they've mastered English.

You artificially inflate their egos. You give them graduation ceremonies from preschool. You give them a trophy at the end of the season even when they lose. You petition your school to stop correcting papers in red ink because it's makes your kid uncomfortable and hurts their feelings.

They "own" the latest and greatest gaming platforms, have laptops and televisions in their bedrooms and have never had to do a single chore. They have MySpace pages and unlimited texting packages on their cell phones - all before they hit double digit birthdays.

Your kids are not leaded crystal, but if you aren't careful, they may very well shatter. You are coddling and protecting your children to a degree that threatens their ability to, later in life, make good decisions on their own. They do not know how to advocate for themselves because they don't have to. Not only that, but they are learning that they can screw up - royally - and someone will bail them out. There are no consequences for their actions.

Sure, you are trying to create really great kids, but instead you are creating the perception of really great kid kids - they look good from the outside, but when left to fend for themselves, are complete failures.

A few words of wisdom? You aren't supposed to be your kids' best friend, you are supposed to be their parent. If you've never heard, "I hate you!" you are most definitely doing something wrong.

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Another Virgin Experience

I did something on Thursday that I've never done before - no, this has nothing to do with the nip pic although that was a virgin experience as well - this task actually has the potential to facilitate positive change in my community. I wrote a letter to the editor of my local paper and I emailed my state legislators.

I decided when my son started middle school this fall that it was time for me to become more involved in the education process and the community in general. I know, I know, the standard mom thing to do is to be involved in the early years of education, but I have a different philosophy on that. When do kids have the most potential to get in to trouble? When they are 6 and their biggest concern is recess and snack time, or when they are 12 and going through puberty, and thinking they are now men and women? Speaking from personal experience only, I'd have to say the middle and high school years have the greatest potential for catastrophic decision-making.

I signed up for the Parent Volunteer Committee (PVC) during the 6th grade orientation this past fall. I became an active member of the committee - even taking on a position as an officer of the committee. On Monday, I was asked to attend a meeting of the PTO/PVC Officers from all of the schools in our district. I was amazed at all of the information that was shared at that meeting that directly affected my son's education. One of the key issues was funding for new schools and school renovations.

I live in a very small, but rapidly growing community. Our current population is 3500, but is expected to be somewhere near 35,000 in ten years. In fact, the community is so small that currently the middle school and high school kids attend classes in the same building, however that changes next year. The district built a new high school in my community and has scheduled renovations of the current middle school/high school for this summer in order to make the "new" middle school more functional. We passed a referendum in 2005 that increased our property taxes in order to pay for the new high school and the renovations to the middle school.

What does all of this have to do with writing a letter to the editor? Well, when the referendum was passed, part of the deal was that the state would reimburse a percentage of the construction costs incurred with the new high school. Guess what? That's right, the state has not held up its end of the bargain. In fact, the state has not issued any reimbursements for these approved projects since 2002. Our district must receive the reimbursement by January in order to go forward with the middle school renovations.

As a parent and community member, I had read about the state budget impasse, but had no idea that this affected my family, my community and me. My theory is that if I didn't understand this concept, chances are others in my community do not understand it either. What better way to explain the challenge, as well as offer a solution (writing our state legislators) than through a letter to the editor? So I did!

Will my efforts facilitate change? Honestly, I have no idea, but if they do, it's a huge success for my community. If they don't? Well, at least I have earned the "right" to bitch about the situation by actually doing something to change it.

I challenge all of you to take action the next time you find yourself complaining about something. It really is a good feeling knowing that you haven't just watched from the sidelines, but actually participated in the game - whether you win or lose. Now, if I could just implement that thought process in all areas of my life that are in need of change ...