"Why does Cam get everything?"

Those are the words that came out of my step-brother Toby's mouth about 5 minutes into our conversation Thursday night. I was dumbfounded ...

A little background.

After my parents divorced, my dad married Sonja. Sonja had a son from a previous relationship (Toby) who was 5 at the time (there is a 15-year age gap between Toby and me). Although my dad never adopted Toby, Toby's bio-dad was pretty much absent, so my dad really was the only dad Toby ever had, and I've always respected that. 

Fast forward 30+ years - dad is no longer married to Sonja - Toby is estranged from his own mom - Toby and dad have a close relationship and even get together once a week for beer and dinner. Then dad dies.  

Toby was EXTREMELY helpful with all of the business associated with dad's death. He met the coroner at dad's trailer. He stayed in contact with the funeral home. He and his wife made calls to the places dad had accounts to freeze them. He really helped out tremendously while I tried to get to Seattle.

Throughout this process, I have gone out of my way to thank Toby for everything he has done and have continued to ask him if he was okay with doing this stuff (he's local - I gave him power of attorney - logistically it makes sense). He has continued to assure me that all was well - that he was more than happy to help. I've also tried to treat him as part of the family - to recognize his needs/desires in the grieving process over dad.

There are 2 outstanding issues remaining regarding dad's "estate" - a motorhome (which still has an outstanding loan and is in terrible disrepair), and a second checking/savings account (that I just learned about last night).

Currently the motorhome is in storage ($100/month that Toby is paying and that I agreed to reimburse him for). The agreement Toby and I had was that he had a "guy" who used to work for Winnebago. He would have his "guy" inspect the motorhome and give me an estimate on what it would cost to get it in working order. I would decide if it was worth repairing - Toby's "guy" would do the repairs as a side job - I would pay Toby's "guy". That was 2 months ago. No progress has been made. Not even a firm estimate.

Now, I don't mind paying $100/month for storage if there is actually some progress being made. I'm a little irritated with paying $100/month when everyone is sitting around with their thumb up their ass and absolutely nothing is happening. I think that's understandable and reasonable.

Last night I called Toby to see what the status was on the motorhome. The ultimate goal is for me to pay off the motorhome, get it repaired, and gift it to Cam. I've set aside $5K of dad's 401K to do just that. When I asked about the motorhome, Toby LOST.HIS.MIND ... and this is not the first time he's done that to me or to Cam ...

When I asked about the motorhome, he responded in a very derogatory and angry tone with, "Why does Cam get everything?"

I think there was at least 30-seconds of silence while I tried to gather my thoughts and not tell him to "Fuck off and die!".

I responded (eventually) with, "I have no idea where that came from and I'm not quite sure how to respond, but let me try."

I then went on to tell Toby that Cam doesn't get everything (which amounts to little more than a pile of shit anyway), but I do get everything (including dad's debts) along with the power to decide how to distribute it, and if I want Cam to get something that he values from my dad (who never sent a single birthday card or Christmas card to him)? I get to decide that.

And then Toby went on to tell me about a checking/savings account that he has been receiving statements from, but that he didn't bother to tell me existed. 

Let's just say the phone call didn't end well, and it's clear that Cam and I are going to have to make a trip to Seattle within the next week. The plan is to get the motorhome keys from Toby - get the motorhome out of storage - reimburse Toby for any out-of-pocket expenses he has incurred - and severe the ties.

I was hoping to make my family grow - to embrace Toby and his wife and kids as MY family - but? 

Nope! 

I'm not going to voluntarily invite his negativity and nastiness into my life.

It's just not happening ...