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According to THIS SURVEY at Real Simple, I am the responsible friend:
Congratulations, you’re the friend everyone knows they can depend on whether they’re in a minor bind (they can’t make a child-care pickup; they need help assembling a work report) or have a real emergency (they’re in labor and their husband is stuck out of town). "Pat yourself on the back for being a good friend," says Jeanne Martinet, author of Life Is Friends: A Complete Guide to the Lost Art of Connecting in Person.
"You’re very organized; you plan ahead and you have the ability to get things done," says Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend. The downside? "You may appear more capable and seem to have more free time than your friends who lead more chaotic lives."
That sounds good ... responsible is a good thing, right?
But what happens when you are not the friend who gives what your friend wants from a friend? Are you still a good friend?
*If you followed that I am quite impressed*
Let's take me, for example, 'cause ... hello? It's all about me!!!
I am not the friend to look to if you've just broken up with your douche-bag boyfriend, and you're looking to verbally bash him while I cheer you on.
Instead, I'll likely tell you that you picked him, so there must be some significant flaw in your ability to choose good men.
Looking for that friend to go shopping with?? *shudders* The one who will tell you how fabulous you look in that too tight, too short, slutty looking red dress that you have fallen in love with?
Yeah ... no ...
You'll want to choose a different friend for that outing, 'cause I'll tell you that red dress is too tight, too short, and slutty looking, and if you go ahead and buy it anyway, everyone will be talking behind your back about it being too tight, too short, and slutty looking.
People say they want honest friends - friends who will call them on their shit - friends whose word they know they can trust - but I don't think they really do. Not all of the time anyway ...
I may be the responsible friend, but know this: if you ask me to pick your kid up from soccer practice because it took you longer than you thought to finish up your grocery shopping, I'll make sure your kid has a ride home, but when I drop him off at your house?
I'll tell you how irresponsible it was of you to leave your kid hanging like that.
So, do you want to be my friend??
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11 comments:
That test was definately not for guys. I kept looking for the 'none of the above' answer. But in the end I wound up with the same outcome as you did.
I just wanna drink beer and eat pizza with you! Maybe take in a ball game...
That was the dumbest quiz ever. I wanted to select all of the above for most of them. Apparently I'm the Glue of the group? Whatever.
I'm not the type of person who asks what you think of my dress. If I want it I'll buy it. I know what my responsibilities are and if I fucked up and ask you to help me out I'll totally own up to it. It sounds like there must be some significant flaw in your ability to choose good friends.
Mike, I don't think it was for women either ... like I carry a purse??
OsShirt, Can we have a York Burger instead?? I'll let you eat my mint *snicker*
Knight, Actually, it wasn't the dumbest quiz ever. Trust me ... I went through several ... this was the best of the dumbest! And me? Have flaws?? Surely you jest! I just don't pick friends ... I let them pick me!
I was with you until the last example. If it were a one time thing where the mom got caught up at the grocery store and called you for help, I think you were being a bitch on the irresponsible comment.
In my view, friends do things like picking up kids at the last minute without thinking "irresponsible". I'd be thinking I was glad that I could call that mom in case I got stuck.
Now if this mom makes a habit of this, I'd definitely say something. I've been in both positions. Some moms think because I work from home that they can use me to chauffeur their kids around. I make it clear that I'm at "work" even though I'm at home.
I want you to go shopping with me always. (good news - I hate shopping, so it wouldn't be very often)
That survey hurt my brain. It said I was the confidante, and went on to describe me as nurturing and mothering - two words that don't even occur in my vocabulary on a regular basis.
Susan, Just to clarify, all of those examples were hypothetical - mt responses based on what I've done in the past in similar situations with various friends. That said, if the last hypothetical was a one-time thing, I'd be a little less harsh ... I think ;)
Tracie, I'm good for about 1-hour of shopping at no more than 2 stores. I'm impressed that you got through the survey!
I think sometimes a good friend is honest, and I think other times, a good friend knows when it's the right thing to stay quiet. Most of us who have made poor decisions (raises hand), know that they have done so and do not feel the need to be told why their decisions are bad.
I just found your blog, I got here from Band Back Together somehow. It happened last night at some point but I got so lost in here that I can't recall exactly how it happened. Anyway, I am still somewhere back in 2010 but wanted to make sure you received my comment because you are amazing, lady! I am still reading about your transition from married to divorced and I swear, were we married the same man? I can relate to your story so well. The silent treatment, the walking on the eggshells, the verbal and emotional abuse. I am so glad that you got out and I am so glad that I did, too. Now I have to get back to catching up just to make sure for myself that you escaped from that man. Even though I already know you did. Don't have a blog account so I will just sign my name. You are adorable. Have a great day!
Becky, I would agree that my major flaw in being a good friend is my inability to know when to shut up - when to leave things alone - when to know the difference between honesty and bludgoning a topic to death. It's not until after the fact that I realize I've gone too far, which is likely why I have few (very few) long-lasting friendships.
Tracy, Thank you for the kind comments, and if your name was Debbie, we might have been married to the same man.
Always a treat to read your posts. Don't get by much and have been off twitter for a while short of checking in with Matt and Jay. Wow, keep up the great work. See ya, got some back reading to catch up with...
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