~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A while back, I started realizing just how much negativity I invite into my life - from the music I listen to, to the blogs I read. Over the past few months, I've really been paying attention to my routine activities, and how I feel when I'm doing them. Chatting with the coworker who is always complaining - reading blogs that do little more than raise my blood pressure - being preoccupied with cable news networks. Of course I'm not ignoring the elephant in the living room - my marriage is frequently an offender.I am clearly not ready to walk away from my marriage. As much as I complain, as "wrong" as things can be at times, I'm not walking away from the commitment - not yet. Accepting that has been difficult. Resolving the conflict between what I feel "entitled" to (unconditional love, respect 100% of the time, little or no daily drama, overflowing passion, etc.) and the reality of the difficulties in a long-term, committed relationship has been a challenge. I continue to ask questions of myself, and I think that is a good thing.
If I'm not willing to walk away from the marriage, what am I willing to walk away from? What other negativity can I eliminate?
I was amazed at how often I found myself irritated when listening to my favorite radio station in the car. Certain songs - certain news items - a driver who cut me off - and soon I was flipping people off, tailgating and screaming at strangers. I realized just how idiotic my behavior was. Not only did it not make anything better, it made things worse. I switched radio stations, listing to one whose motto is "positive, encouraging radio." The difference was significant and immediate. I started listening to the same radio station in the mornings, rather than getting my 90 minute dose of cable news networks.
Work is a bit of a challenge. I don't want to alienate coworkers - I need those relationships to do my job well - but I don't have to get caught up in their drama either. I began ending conversations that contained more gossip than fact - not in a rude manner, but with a simple, "I'm really busy. Let me get back to work." I've found that, without a captive audience, these coworkers don't bring their gossip and drama to me any longer. Hmmmm ...
The next thing I needed to do was look at my blog reading. This step was - by far - the most difficult. I want to support those bloggers who support me. I want to offer them the encouragement, with a comment or a link, that they often offer me. But I was starting to feel obligated - and I was starting to get snarky with my comments - neither of which indicate support. It was time to clean out my Google Reader subscriptions.
I spent this morning hitting the unsubscribe button. It sucked! You see, there are many amazingly talented bloggers/writers out there whose blogs cause me a great deal of grief. Some write about topics that I find in conflict with my moral compass, some justify actions that I believe are harmful not only to themselves, but to others, and some use a form of humor that consistently degrades others. How many times have I told commenters, "If you don't like what you see here, move on."? Yet here I was, immersing myself in environments that made me want to scratch some one's eyes out. It doesn't mean that I wish ill will on any of them - I hope their blogs are successful in whatever manner they measure success - but it does mean some of them won't be seeing me any longer. My guess is that just as quickly, I'll stop seeing them here too.
I challenge all of you to look at the negativity you invite into your own lives. How do you think your life might change if you eliminated even a fraction of it? I can tell you this, my marriage is still no where near perfect, but I've seen improvement since I started eliminating negativity in other areas of my life.
*EDIT* Got a favorite blog that you think I might enjoy? Something "wholesome" yet content filled? Something funny that doesn't count on humiliating others to get a laugh? Should I be reading your blog but have missed it? Leave me a link - I need to populate my Google Reader subscriptions again!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
