Further education ...

scares the shit out of me.  I’m not good at failing, which is why i’ve always went with what comes easy to me.  Yanno, Sports, Music, Math….things that come naturally to me, i don’t need to muster much effort or internal motivation.  I’ve always been pretty intelligent, and through the years, did minimal work and got by.  it has bothered the fuck out of me for the last decade.

I never pulled an all-nighter in high school or college, I was never cramming for a test or exam, i chose a path based on ease.  Don’t get me wrong, I also chose a path that i loved every second of - the 5 years i spent in undergrad were amazing, I sang every day, i got unlimited studio time, unlimited voice lab time to perfect what i loved.

I still feel like i cheated myself. I don’t think i’ve ever pushed myself.  i don’t think i’ve ever really challenged myself.  I’ve worked to perfect what already came naturally to me.
With all that said - I’m seriously considering Law school.  I want to take the LSAT in February.

this scares the ever-loving shit out of me.  It’s something I’m passionate about - educational law - and something i’m completely unfamiliar with.  I’d have to bust my ass to succeed.  I’d have to venture into something new.  I’m not good at starting from scratch.  I’ve let a lot of the things i love fall by the wayside for fear of failure.  it’s why i haven’t been on stage in 6+ years.  it’s why I haven’t pursued a career in voice.  I’d rather *CHOOSE* to not do it, than fail at it.
help me out tumblr, dont let me talk myself out of this one.   time to strap on my big boy pants, and get it done.

Mike wrote that on tumblr about a month ago. I was going to write a response to it on tumblr, but really wanted to give it more attention than that platform allows.

Why?

Because it reminded me of this ...

There really aren't many times when the age difference between Mike and me plays a significant role in our relationship, but future plans - taking a chance at doing what you want NOW - is one of those times.

Maybe because I thought I could buy myself the freedom to do what I wanted to do later.

When I left the Army, I had grandiose plans. I was going to go back to school (law school, coincidentally) using my GI Bill while working full time. It would take me 2? Maybe 3 years at the most to finish up my Bachelor's Degree. I'd pass the bar and land a position as an attorney before I was 35.

Less than a year later I found out I was pregnant and would be a single mom.

EVERYTHING changed.

I can look back and speculate how things would have been had I made different decisions, but I don't know how accurate those speculations would be because I never made those decisions. There was no sense of urgency. I was certain I could buy myself the freedom to do it later.

I'll be just short of 50 when Cam graduates in the spring. I am looking forward to getting my life back, because the life I've been living the last 17 years hasn't been one I've lived for me.

It's likely too late for grandiose my plans - I'll have to modify them a bit and have 2 less decades to enjoy them. And I'm okay with that.

What I'm not okay with is for Mike to ever look back and think, "I should have done this when I had the chance ..."

I am STRONGLY encouraging him to follow through with this plan.

What have you not done, betting you could buy yourself the freedom to do it later?