When The Words No Longer Get Stuck In Your Head

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It wasn't that long ago when words got stuck in my head. When the only person who would listen to me was blogger. When I thought I would go crazy if I didn't get the thoughts out of my head.

Looking back, it's clear that I was lonely, even when I was still with husband. Writing here was my way to find validation and companionship - not in a I-want-to-be-internet-famous way, but in a way to simply be acknowledged as human. 

Now? I have a relationship with someone who validates me every day (validates is not euphemism ... although I'm sure Mike wishes it was). 

I want to write. There is a part of me that misses writing - attempting to put my thoughts in print so that they make as much sense to anyone reading them as they do when they are bouncing in my head. This blog has been my friend when I felt there was no one else who would listen. It was important to me, and I feel kind of bad to have tossed it aside recently.

It's not like life has been boring I last wrote a month ago, in fact, life has been churning right along at a much faster pace than two years ago. Here are a few examples.

• The school district agreed to EXACTLY what I asked for back in January - before I filed for Due Process - before I spent $2,500 of someone else's money on legal fees. I am both relieved and angry. For a system that claims to continually fight bullying, they are a prime example of a bully - repeatedly using aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or mentally (although I believe this had more to do with DECREASING their liability that it actually had to do with intentionally harming Cam). It isn't until the power shifted that they backed down. I am relived that Cam will remain where he belongs, but angry that it took an attorney to get the school district to do what was right.

• I'm heading to the hospital tomorrow morning for my vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery. I am nervous (understatement), yet looking forward to a life where food is not the center of my world. Finally letting go of my invisible fat woman identity is a little scary - my fat has allowed me to keep people at a distance, and losing that ability is beyond uncomfortable.

• I recently tracked down one of Cam's first cousins. A two-week free membership on Ancestry.com led me to a public family tree that included Cam's father (Thyrus). I contacted the member who put together the family tree and learned that she is married to one of Cam's first cousins. We have been corresponding via email and, assuming everyone is open to it, she will provide me with contact information for Thyrus' sister. My hope is that, at a minimum, I'll be able to get at least some medical history. Best case? Thyrus' family welcomes Cam with open arms. We'll see how this goes.

• I committed to doing a Tough Mudder in October. It will be difficult to be in great shape shape six months after surgery, especially since I cannot begin exercising until mid May, so instead I'm aiming for good shape, focusing on endurance and upper body strength as those will be tested the most in a Tough Mudder event. I chalk this decision up to having a mid-life crisis (<-- See what I did there??).

See? I do still have a life, but it is one with less drama and more love, and it appears that equates to less blogging.

Who knew?